What you wish you knew at 40

[Anonymous]

Ladies over 50 what are some things you wish you knew at 40? What are some of your big life lessons and regrets?

[Anonymous]

Not at 50, the many changes came at 45 already.My body started to ache, eyesight got bad, and the feeling that I don't want to work ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at 50, the many changes came at 45 already.My body started to ache, eyesight got bad, and the feeling that I don't want to work ever again.

Were you burned out? Did you decide to take an easier job?

[Anonymous]

Take care of your body. Eat healthy, keep your weight in check--once 45 hits it's a lot harder to stay within your weight goal.

If you haven't already, start weight training--so many benefits.

40s have been a very hectic decade for me (and statistically, a majority of people). The sandwich situation was very very tough. With small kids, ailing and dying parents, and new health challenges.

[Anonymous]

That therapy could/would make me soooo much more comfortable in my own skin and to get on with it already!

Other than that, that I can trust my decision-making. I do the best I can, all the time, and that ends up averaging out to awfully darn good most of the time.

[Anonymous]

That depression is very common due to perimenopause. Honestly, NONE of the professionals that I saw, from my pcp, to my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my cardiologist ever mentioned that maybe I’m feeling off because my ducking hormones are going bonkers.

[Anonymous]

That when parents stop visiting, sometimes they just aren't up to it anymore. They are older. They are weaker. They, themselves, probably think there will be another trip to visit. But then there's not.

They had plenty of money. I wish I had pressured or wish they had realized, that if they had just paid for me to fly to them, more often, I would have. Just me. Doesn't have to be spouse & kids every time.

[Anonymous]

I am not 50 and loved my 40s. These are things that worked for me

- weight training and getting fit. Once i hit peri-menopause I was better able to handle weight gain.

- work on your career. At 50 it is so much harder but you can really drive it a lot early 40s and reap benefits of seniority at 50

- if you are married, try to remain so. 40s are rough for marriages (lots of affairs happen then) but if you can stay married, you will likely like your partner again.

- invest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies over 50 what are some things you wish you knew at 40? What are some of your big life lessons and regrets?

That my 40s would be the start of some really happy times!!

[Anonymous]

I wish I had had a clearer sense of how so much of what happens to you in life seems to be almost random. I believed that if I worked hard at being a parent, my kids would be successful, and they would like me and we would have a great family. If I worked hard at marriage, I could have a great marriage.

But now that I am nearly sixty, I look around and there's not a lot of evidence that input equals output. I know two great moms who have kids that are in jail as a result of either bad decisions or mental illness. I know someone whose family was involved in a big messy criminal scandal that made all the newspapers and she was publicly humiliated and lost everything she had worked for overnight.

I know two husbands that went to jail -- mostly due to greediness that led them to make bad decisions like embezzling from work. And I'm an UMC educated lady who lives in the suburbs!

I know people whose marriages broke apart because they got bored or lonely or whatever. I know people who seemed to spend all their time driving car pools and their kids have dropped out of college and are spending their twenties living at home and playing basketball in their parents driveways.

And I know people who were really laid back and didn't push their kids and their kids are great and they have great families and everyone loves everyone else. And I'm realizing that maybe I just have bad instincts and tend to overestimate or underestimate people. Or maybe life just really is random. If you had asked me when I was in my forties which moms were doing a great job, and who was likely to be successful, etc. all of my predictions would turn out to be wrong, including the predictions I made about my own life.

Knowing this, I'm not sure what I would have done differently. maybe gotten a little more rest and cooled it a bit with the math work sheets. not really sure.

[Anonymous]

That your husband goes through changes very much like you are - stale marriage, moody, stress at work now that you're a higher/senior role, deeking with teenagers at home, your body doesn't bounce back from sickness/injury as easily, gaining weight happens...

[Anonymous]

That you’ll no longer be able to mentally double your age and persuade yourself that you’ve only lived half your life.

That whatever kind of physical decline you think you’re experiencing in your forties, it accelerates considerably in your fifties.

That if you still have great sex with your partner, lean into it because libido falls off a cliff with menopause.

That now is the time to concentrate on making money, whatever else is going on in your life. The future you who wants to have the option of retiring early at 60 or 62 will thank you.

That you can have young kids in your forties but you are going to be twice as tired as parents who are in their twenties, so prepare yourself mentally and physically.

That you think you’re old but you’re really not. At 55 or 60, you are going to feel that the 40 year old you is just a wizened version of the young you. By your mid fifties you’ll be looking at a preview of the elderly you in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That when parents stop visiting, sometimes they just aren't up to it anymore. They are older. They are weaker. They, themselves, probably think there will be another trip to visit. But then there's not.

They had plenty of money. I wish I had pressured or wish they had realized, that if they had just paid for me to fly to them, more often, I would have. Just me. Doesn't have to be spouse & kids every time.

Same with my dad. He died during my thirties, and I wished I just had gone by myself a few more times but it was a money issue. Now in my forties, I visit with my mom very often.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your parents about their will and downsizing, especially dispersing their personal possessions to the people they want to have them. They need to complete this when they're healthy. Get a Power of Attorney for their health and finances and keep your original signed copy close at hand. No other document will be used more during the end of life phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not at 50, the many changes came at 45 already. My body started to ache, eyesight got bad, and the feeling that I don't want to work ever again.

Were you burned out? Did you decide to take an easier job?

The physically hard work was from age 18-30. It was extremely hard. Some of us ended up in ER right from work, and we all knew it was because of working conditions. From 30-45 I raised kids and worked ca 30 hours only. I invested some of the money which means I don't really have to work anymore at 45.
I need to work on my physical health right and strength. I never thought I'd lose my strength and willingness to work after doing -hour shifts without a break like it was a nothing.
I think the suddenness of it all caught me off-guard. Eyesight got bad within 2 months. It's just reading glasses, but having 20/20 vision my whole life, I'm now bumping into things and not noticing anyone behind me as fast and clearly as I used to.
I see people considering new career and I'm thinking about retiring and what to do with my time.