Dealing with competitive parents

[Anonymous]

Do you know their kids? I usually default to genuinely complimenting something intrinsic about their child. Usually braggers are awful at recognizing their children as people instead of just accomplishments and I always feel bad for their children.

Example: “oh, I have been meaning to tell you! Your daughter Larla was at soccer practice the other day and was just so thoughtful. One of the kids was really struggling with corner kicks and was getting down on themself and Larla was so encouraging and patient. What a great kid!”

[Anonymous]

It must be your neighborhood or you or both. The parents here in NW go on and on how the kids are not doing well enough.
Our DC is doing great in the same school, but I think it's perspective. I may come across as the one who is bragging.

[Anonymous]

Yea I haven’t come across this. Most of the people I know are happy to share info.

Maybe they don’t like you or your kid and are worried you might join a dance class and have to spend more time with you. That is the only reason I wouldn’t share the info.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly one parent like that. I encounter her occasionally at school pickup, volunteering events, and the occasional neighborhood gathering. She’s from a country where bragging or standing out is very much frowned upon so I always imagine in my head “oh, this is why they kicked you out.” The country is English-speaking which is too bad because I would feel better if I could blame her awfulness on something being lost in translation.

She likes to ask questions and use them to fuel her brags, but she doesn’t listen to the answers so if anyone overheard the conversation it would be so odd.

Yesterday she asked me what my DD has been doing this summer. I said mostly summer swim team and hanging out. Then I asked what her kids had been up to. She proceeded to tell me all about their experience on summer swim team and then explained to me “and you might not know this, but summer swim team is very tough because it’s 5 days a week and the meets are twice a week and they last 4 hours so it takes up just SO much time but Larla broke records so it was worth it.”

My policy with her is to let her keep going no matter what. Sometimes I wonder if she has a disorder relating to processing or reading social cues, because every conversation with her is like this.

[Anonymous]

DCUM has more competitive parents than any website on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are truly stuck, make a game of stock phrases you can sneak in:

"That's marvelous!"
"I didnt know this, you're telling me this for the first time"
"You're kidding! Go on..."
"You gotta do what ya gotta do."
"The days are long but the years are short."

Sometimes I transcribe the conversation in my head as it happens like a court reporter, it gives my face a thoughtful look.

Brilliant. Gush like my MIL would at a stranger's baby/accomplishment. They may or may not get the hint, OP. Don't engage in this crap, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually said “oh wow” or “great.” I don’t take it personally, so for the most part I didn’t really care.

My fave moment was when a friend said that her kid got a 98 on an exam. Her kid is very smart, and she was happy about it. My kid, however, got a 99 so I was over the moon. I didn’t say anything back but “wow,” and I still think about how delicious it is that nobody knows but us, which is most important.

I just didn’t engage. When it comes to my friends’ kids, I’m genuinely happy about their wins. But, we talk about losses and the hard stuff too.

Lol I tell them my parents used to beat the crap out of me if I got a 98 (how dumb are you to not get a 100). Then I say hey I guess it worked out because it was less annoying to get a 100 than to deal with them - probably why I went to HYP.

Sit back and watch the show on their faces then as they process what you mean. Only white people would be proud of a 98 and think it meant something, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually said “oh wow” or “great.” I don’t take it personally, so for the most part I didn’t really care.

My fave moment was when a friend said that her kid got a 98 on an exam. Her kid is very smart, and she was happy about it. My kid, however, got a 99 so I was over the moon. I didn’t say anything back but “wow,” and I still think about how delicious it is that nobody knows but us, which is most important.

I just didn’t engage. When it comes to my friends’ kids, I’m genuinely happy about their wins. But, we talk about losses and the hard stuff too.

Lol I tell them my parents used to beat the crap out of me if I got a 98 (how dumb are you to not get a 100). Then I say hey I guess it worked out because it was less annoying to get a 100 than to deal with them - probably why I went to HYP.

Sit back and watch the show on their faces then as they process what you mean. Only white people would be proud of a 98 and think it meant something, lol.

Racist twit. Not lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea I haven’t come across this. Most of the people I know are happy to share info.

Maybe they don’t like you or your kid and are worried you might join a dance class and have to spend more time with you. That is the only reason I wouldn’t share the info.

You’ve been lucky. When I first moved here, I asked an acquaintance if she could recommend a salon. She replied “I love the girl who cuts my hair, but she’s really expensive.”

And no other information. I encounter the same with kid’s activities, restaurants, sign-ups for stuff, and even the school uniform sale. My policy to counteract this behavior is to share info completely and generously, especially when it comes to activities that fill quickly, hard to get appointments, or hard to find items.

[Anonymous]

I personally love competitive parents because I get good ideas & information from them. Without them I might not learn about x camp or y activity that my DC might like. I put up with the competitive chatter so I can data mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually said “oh wow” or “great.” I don’t take it personally, so for the most part I didn’t really care.

My fave moment was when a friend said that her kid got a 98 on an exam. Her kid is very smart, and she was happy about it. My kid, however, got a 99 so I was over the moon. I didn’t say anything back but “wow,” and I still think about how delicious it is that nobody knows but us, which is most important.

I just didn’t engage. When it comes to my friends’ kids, I’m genuinely happy about their wins. But, we talk about losses and the hard stuff too.

Lol I tell them my parents used to beat the crap out of me if I got a 98 (how dumb are you to not get a 100). Then I say hey I guess it worked out because it was less annoying to get a 100 than to deal with them - probably why I went to HYP.

Sit back and watch the show on their faces then as they process what you mean. Only white people would be proud of a 98 and think it meant something, lol.

Racist twit. Not lol.

Aw, hit a nerve did I? Now you’ll know better than to brag about your kids mediocrity.

Also look up the definition of racist and why I can’t be racist towards white people. A jackass, sure, of which I am proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea I haven’t come across this. Most of the people I know are happy to share info.

Maybe they don’t like you or your kid and are worried you might join a dance class and have to spend more time with you. That is the only reason I wouldn’t share the info.

You’ve been lucky. When I first moved here, I asked an acquaintance if she could recommend a salon. She replied “I love the girl who cuts my hair, but she’s really expensive.”

And no other information. I encounter the same with kid’s activities, restaurants, sign-ups for stuff, and even the school uniform sale. My policy to counteract this behavior is to share info completely and generously, especially when it comes to activities that fill quickly, hard to get appointments, or hard to find items.

Ah, got it. Honestly just be like oh fantastic I hate being cheap to that person and ask outright. Who cares if they like you? Make them be rude openly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually said “oh wow” or “great.” I don’t take it personally, so for the most part I didn’t really care.

My fave moment was when a friend said that her kid got a 98 on an exam. Her kid is very smart, and she was happy about it. My kid, however, got a 99 so I was over the moon. I didn’t say anything back but “wow,” and I still think about how delicious it is that nobody knows but us, which is most important.

I just didn’t engage. When it comes to my friends’ kids, I’m genuinely happy about their wins. But, we talk about losses and the hard stuff too.

Lol I tell them my parents used to beat the crap out of me if I got a 98 (how dumb are you to not get a 100). Then I say hey I guess it worked out because it was less annoying to get a 100 than to deal with them - probably why I went to HYP.

Sit back and watch the show on their faces then as they process what you mean. Only white people would be proud of a 98 and think it meant something, lol.

Pro tip: the reason they go on is exactly because you went to a HYP - and yes, some white people play this game, to their detriment. You don't hear HYP level people stirring the pot about such trivialities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea I haven’t come across this. Most of the people I know are happy to share info.

Maybe they don’t like you or your kid and are worried you might join a dance class and have to spend more time with you. That is the only reason I wouldn’t share the info.

You’ve been lucky. When I first moved here, I asked an acquaintance if she could recommend a salon. She replied “I love the girl who cuts my hair, but she’s really expensive.”

And no other information. I encounter the same with kid’s activities, restaurants, sign-ups for stuff, and even the school uniform sale. My policy to counteract this behavior is to share info completely and generously, especially when it comes to activities that fill quickly, hard to get appointments, or hard to find items.

I have gotten that comment so many times in DC and it's so weird! Especially because often the thing is not that expensive. I once told a colleague I liked her purse and asked for the brand since I was in the market for a new crossbody, and she got this weird look on her face and said "ok, but just so you know it's kind of expensive." I was fully expecting it to be some $4k bag. It was $200. This has happened to me many times! People are very weird about how much things cost here.

I dress nicely and spend money in a normal UMC way and don't complain about how much everything costs, so I know I'm not projecting this image of being super frugal or broke or something. I don't understand why people do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea I haven’t come across this. Most of the people I know are happy to share info.

Maybe they don’t like you or your kid and are worried you might join a dance class and have to spend more time with you. That is the only reason I wouldn’t share the info.

You’ve been lucky. When I first moved here, I asked an acquaintance if she could recommend a salon. She replied “I love the girl who cuts my hair, but she’s really expensive.”

And no other information. I encounter the same with kid’s activities, restaurants, sign-ups for stuff, and even the school uniform sale. My policy to counteract this behavior is to share info completely and generously, especially when it comes to activities that fill quickly, hard to get appointments, or hard to find items.

Ah, got it. Honestly just be like oh fantastic I hate being cheap to that person and ask outright. Who cares if they like you? Make them be rude openly.

OP here and part of me really likes this approach. I do encounter so much casual rudeness in this area and sometimes I do wish I just called it out more. I envy those of you who never encounter it! We are at a public school and not in a super expensive neighborhood, so I don't know why I run into this so often. Maybe I draw these people to me somehow.