12yo shared inappropriate joke

[Anonymous]

Spill the joke

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your son facing any punishment/backlash from camp or his camp mates?
If not, talk to him how the joke isn’t appropriate etc etc
If yes, protect your son but also still talk to him
Of course don’t apologize to the bully or his parents.

That’s my concern but I don’t know yet. One of the other moms talked to ask about him because her son was hit by the bully last week. But she didn’t know that my son had said anything offensive to set this kid off. Either way what he said was not ok. I want people to know that’s how we feel as a family though my guess is that enough of them know us well enough to know it’s not the case.

[Anonymous]

I’d like to hear the joke.

Y’all sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12yo DS is at camp with some new kids who are older than him. They were telling jokes and asked him to share one too. Unfortunately the one he shared is very insensitive and anti-semetic. We are a Christian family with a lot of Jewish friends and he didn’t really understand the joke or why it’s so inappropriate and hurtful. When I asked him about it he said that he heard it from one of our Jewish friends, and that’s why he thought it was ok to repeat it.
Anyway it was not ok and I’m disappointed with him. But also the kids he told shared it with other kids. One of them was offended and hit my son a few times. The other kid is a bully always and it’s not the first time he’s been physical with my son, and others.
I know about all of this because the camp counselor called me this afternoon. Because the other kid, who’s older and bigger, already has a few demerits he’s been suspended. So now everyone is talking about it but also about my son and the joke he shared.
I don’t even know where to start with this. Do I call and apologize to the parents of the bully, because we offended their religion which is not acceptable to me or my family. Do I have my son call and apologize. Should I expect them to be apologetic to us since their son hit my son again..do I try to address this with other Jewish families at camp…please help

K. Apologies that are fishing for apologies don't count. Just focus on your kid and what he did. Because the way you tell this it's almost like you are looking for an out. "Yes, I know my son shouldn't have been an anti-Semite, but doesn't the fact that the Jewish kid hit him excuse my son just a little bit?"

Personally, I would reach out to the camp director. Let them know that you are embarrassed by your child's behavior, and he is embarrassed and remorseful. Ask them if they have plans to handle it. If everyone is talking about it I would think that the director might get both boys together to apologize to each other, and then send a note out to the community letting everyone know ("Someone told an unacceptable joke and a child responded with aggression. Both children and their families have been spoken to and all understand how their own behavior was inappropriate and not accepted at camp Laratown. Please reach out to the director if you have any questions.") But, IDK what your kid said, or what the story is with the other kid, so the director may go a different direction. If it's a good camp, hopefully they will be able to handle it professionally.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you’re afraid your family will be labeled antisemitic by the community as word gets around. Maybe ask one of your Jewish friends for advice on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your son facing any punishment/backlash from camp or his camp mates?
If not, talk to him how the joke isn’t appropriate etc etc
If yes, protect your son but also still talk to him
Of course don’t apologize to the bully or his parents.

That’s my concern but I don’t know yet. One of the other moms talked to ask about him because her son was hit by the bully last week. But she didn’t know that my son had said anything offensive to set this kid off. Either way what he said was not ok. I want people to know that’s how we feel as a family though my guess is that enough of them know us well enough to know it’s not the case.

Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you
Concentrate on the bully and don’t bring up your son if not warranted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12yo DS is at camp with some new kids who are older than him. They were telling jokes and asked him to share one too. Unfortunately the one he shared is very insensitive and anti-semetic. We are a Christian family with a lot of Jewish friends and he didn’t really understand the joke or why it’s so inappropriate and hurtful. When I asked him about it he said that he heard it from one of our Jewish friends, and that’s why he thought it was ok to repeat it.
Anyway it was not ok and I’m disappointed with him. But also the kids he told shared it with other kids. One of them was offended and hit my son a few times. The other kid is a bully always and it’s not the first time he’s been physical with my son, and others.
I know about all of this because the camp counselor called me this afternoon. Because the other kid, who’s older and bigger, already has a few demerits he’s been suspended. So now everyone is talking about it but also about my son and the joke he shared.
I don’t even know where to start with this. Do I call and apologize to the parents of the bully, because we offended their religion which is not acceptable to me or my family. Do I have my son call and apologize. Should I expect them to be apologetic to us since their son hit my son again..do I try to address this with other Jewish families at camp…please help

K. Apologies that are fishing for apologies don't count. Just focus on your kid and what he did. Because the way you tell this it's almost like you are looking for an out. "Yes, I know my son shouldn't have been an anti-Semite, but doesn't the fact that the Jewish kid hit him excuse my son just a little bit?"

Personally, I would reach out to the camp director. Let them know that you are embarrassed by your child's behavior, and he is embarrassed and remorseful. Ask them if they have plans to handle it. If everyone is talking about it I would think that the director might get both boys together to apologize to each other, and then send a note out to the community letting everyone know ("Someone told an unacceptable joke and a child responded with aggression. Both children and their families have been spoken to and all understand how their own behavior was inappropriate and not accepted at camp Laratown. Please reach out to the director if you have any questions.") But, IDK what your kid said, or what the story is with the other kid, so the director may go a different direction. If it's a good camp, hopefully they will be able to handle it professionally.

Thank you for this logical post. I already told the counselor that I’m disappointed and embarrassed. He understood as he knows our family well enough.
I wouldn’t be fishing for an apology. I would only call to express my regret about what my son said.
The challenge is because this kid has had so many issues, including hitting my son several times, the camp used this one as an opportunity to suspend him. So now it’s a bigger issue and I’m sure the parents are angry. There’s a rule you can’t hit another kid, but it’s ok to hurt with words?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re afraid your family will be labeled antisemitic by the community as word gets around. Maybe ask one of your Jewish friends for advice on this one.

OP - candidly I’m too embarrassed to call them about it

[Anonymous]

I’m just here for the drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your son facing any punishment/backlash from camp or his camp mates?
If not, talk to him how the joke isn’t appropriate etc etc
If yes, protect your son but also still talk to him
Of course don’t apologize to the bully or his parents.

That’s my concern but I don’t know yet. One of the other moms talked to ask about him because her son was hit by the bully last week. But she didn’t know that my son had said anything offensive to set this kid off. Either way what he said was not ok. I want people to know that’s how we feel as a family though my guess is that enough of them know us well enough to know it’s not the case.

Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you
Concentrate on the bully and don’t bring up your son if not warranted

Thank you

[Anonymous]

It was probably the pizza and Jew joke. Very despicable

[Anonymous]

Don’t call the parents. Use this as a learning tool for your kid. Consequence is going to camp the next day and apologizing to the kids he told the joke to. I would honestly have my kid learn about Jewish culture doing one or more of the following:
1. have my kid read Diary of Anne Frank and write a book report for me.
2.If you have family Jewish friends and they are open and willing, see if your son go to synagogue with them.
3. Go to the holocaust museum

Your kid is 12, they need to learn that inappropriate jokes have consequences. I would leave the hitting alone except to say to my kid that that boy was upset about the joke, didn’t know how to handle it and made a bad choice just like larlo did except the other kid was hitting which has an even worse punishment than just apologizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t call the parents. Use this as a learning tool for your kid. Consequence is going to camp the next day and apologizing to the kids he told the joke to. I would honestly have my kid learn about Jewish culture doing one or more of the following:
1. have my kid read Diary of Anne Frank and write a book report for me.
2.If you have family Jewish friends and they are open and willing, see if your son go to synagogue with them.
3. Go to the holocaust museum

Your kid is 12, they need to learn that inappropriate jokes have consequences. I would leave the hitting alone except to say to my kid that that boy was upset about the joke, didn’t know how to handle it and made a bad choice just like larlo did except the other kid was hitting which has an even worse punishment than just apologizing.

Thank you very much. This is what I needed. His sister had read that book so I’ll have him read it this week. He’s been to several bar mitzvahs already but we can easily get him more access to the important culture. I will take him to a museum. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Make him write a letter to the entire camp.

Then read aloud during morning snack.

[Anonymous]

Y'all are off your rocker. The kid has learned not to repeat a particular joke. That's a reasonable lesson.