12yo shared inappropriate joke

[Anonymous]

By 12 kids absolutely know what hate speech is and that they should not engage in it, let’s be clear about that. All of OP’s hand wringing over “but but he doesn’t understand” is baloney.

Hopefully, getting hit and called out will be enough for him to keep his nasty mouth shut in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes kids say things they shouldn’t, without fully understanding words and consequences. This is an opportunity to show him how he can hurts those he loves/is friends with and invite violence from crazy folks. What detonated everything: What he said.
Once something is said, it cannot be taken back but rather one is left to explain and deal with consequences.
Having this conversation and explaining the joke to him, as well as the stereotypes it plays into, is key. Equally important is explaining why it was said by your friend and what you said/didn’t say when it was told to you, in your home, where he heard it. He thought it was OK after that incident. We tend to forget children will listen and see to us what is acceptable/unacceptable.
I don’t think there is a need for a massive and complex act of forgiveness, but rather of understanding why what he did was wrong. Whatever you have him do, make sure he understands what he did beyond the shock it created.

Thank you. This is a very thoughtful response. He had learned numerous lessons from this experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the jokes teen boys tell are offensive in some way. I hear them and I think they all cross a line so I do think it’s hard to know what the line is. Two rules that sometimes work is the punching up rule and the concept that people in tue group can tell jokes or use words that people outside the group cannot. I stress to my teen son it’s better to err on the side of not offending even if it means you’re not the life of the party.

I would tell your son not to be defensive. If people say anything to him have him say something like “you’re right. I should not have told that joke. I’m really sorry. I didn’t really understand it and I feel awful about it.” I think older boys will appreciate that younger boys ane often idiots and will give him credit for apologizing. My 14 year old son thinks all the 12 year old boys are obnoxious idiots. I remind him that he was one too.

You’re right. Thank you

[Anonymous]

I think it’s important lesson to learn in when you cross the line. My 12YO boy also seems to like to tell inappropriate jokes about his own race/religion, and then other kids in the group also use slurs / jokes about their identity (LGBTQ, race etc). Kids don’t say rude things about identity groups that aren’t theirs.
I find it extremely annoying but I can’t police it any more than saying you need to be careful of your audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid told a racist joke to impress older kids. Let's not forget that. Frankly, he should probably be suspended. Were demerits or whatever got the other kid suspended issued to your son as well?

Let go of stuff like "he told someone he thought was a friend." If someone I thought was a friend told a racist joke, I would absolutely tell other people that that happened so they'd know that person's views.

You don’t even know the joke but you’re quick to judge the kid guilty of something. No judgement without having all the facts.

OP was the one who said that the joke was antisemitic and that people were offended by it. I am pretty comfortable saying what I said based on the information she provided. I don't need to hear specifically what antisemitism OP's son was expressing to these kids. OP is following through with a cultural education program that seems to be along the lines of "why Nazis are not funny" which I think is a really healthy and appropriate way to handle it.

If there is a way to use those materials to situate the specific joke he told (which, again, I don't need to hear), it might help him to understand the context of the situation a little better. To be clear, I don't think that the kid should be shamed for this incident. I do think it's appropriate to help him understand how the situation at camp is reflected in history and current events in a way that means it needs to be taken seriously.

[Anonymous]

This post reads like: I’m mad that a kid hit my son, except parenthetically my son was a jerk too, so how can I get solidarity for my outrage without also looking like a jerk for raising an antisemitic sympathizer?

OP, in child development there is a crucial moment to learn the invaluable lesson of F*** Around And Find Out. Being knocked around by a bully for your rude humor at 12 is far better than being cancelled at 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post reads like: I’m mad that a kid hit my son, except parenthetically my son was a jerk too, so how can I get solidarity for my outrage without also looking like a jerk for raising an antisemitic sympathizer?

OP, in child development there is a crucial moment to learn the invaluable lesson of F*** Around And Find Out. Being knocked around by a bully for your rude humor at 12 is far better than being cancelled at 35.

Exactly. The number of people on this thread excusing a 12 year old anti semite (“because he doesn’t understand”) is disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reads like: I’m mad that a kid hit my son, except parenthetically my son was a jerk too, so how can I get solidarity for my outrage without also looking like a jerk for raising an antisemitic sympathizer?

OP, in child development there is a crucial moment to learn the invaluable lesson of F*** Around And Find Out. Being knocked around by a bully for your rude humor at 12 is far better than being cancelled at 35.

Exactly. The number of people on this thread excusing a 12 year old anti semite (“because he doesn’t understand”) is disturbing.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man can you share the joke? I bet it’s a like 1 out of 10. We had some killer jokes when I was like 8-9 years old. This sounds weak. I want to see if it’s funny or not.

This has been asked at least five times. If OP wanted to share the antisemitic joke on a public message board, she would have done so already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all are off your rocker. The kid has learned not to repeat a particular joke. That's a reasonable lesson.

Agreed. Kids are still learning. They make mistakes. Just talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Let the situation blow over. It's done. The other kid got suspended for multiple things. The joke is done.

Dragging this out makes it worse. Sigh. Just be like the Frozen Princess and Let It Go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid told a racist joke to impress older kids. Let's not forget that. Frankly, he should probably be suspended. Were demerits or whatever got the other kid suspended issued to your son as well?

Let go of stuff like "he told someone he thought was a friend." If someone I thought was a friend told a racist joke, I would absolutely tell other people that that happened so they'd know that person's views.

OP - no demerits for my son, he hasn’t had any issues ever in school or camp where as the other kid was on his last chance. But I do think DS is paying for this in other ways. We picked up The Diary of Anne Frank which he’s going to read and then summarize for me.

You are way too focused on the other kid. You bring him up in almost every post. There may well have been other kids upset and offended by what your son said who froze and didn’t react.

Like others, I find it hard to believe your kid didn’t understand what he was saying. Go to the Holocaust Museum and talk about anti-semitism together, but most of all stop making excuses for him. I don’t think forcing a book review of Anne Frank will be very effective.