Lying about Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’ll drop you as soon as she’s officially divorced. Happened to me just recently (I even posted a thread here about a partner who omitted telling he was finalizing his divorce). I heard men saying it happened to them, too. Which is why nobody wants to date separated people

Forgot to add his divorce was bitter in court and he was not telling me any of that. He dropped me 3 weeks after it was final

What's the psychology behind this, I don't understand?

I can understand BEING dumped when your divorce is made final by someone who is afraid of committment.

The psychology behind it is very complex: he projected many things from what his exW did to me; he probably was just in the beginning of his dating spree, but represented it to me like he dated for couple years and I didn’t want to be someone’s “post divorce trial”; he was also set in ways, super sensitive and inflexible. Many factors that I would have taken into consideration, before having second with him, if I had known where he was in that process. Maybe I wouldn’t be too pushy with things knowing his stage in life as well.

Sorry for typos - I would have taken into consideration before having sex with him, I meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op Here. Her divorce process is pretty amicable and she was waiting for her kids to graduate HS and go to college. All the assets are divided including house and she didn't want to spend a lot of money in filing the paperwork but had hired a lawyer a few months ago and took care of it. Other than this, I don't see any issues from her side as far as the commitment is concerned.

There is no reason for her to wait until the kids graduates high school.

They were in a bit of difficult relationship in which he is the high earner but also verbally abusive and very controlling.

So now you would be the high earner but not verbally abusive ? And she’s already moving in with you ? As soon as the ink dries on divorce certificate, of course. Quick lady, just WOW! Stinks seeking arrangement for lower housing costs with you. I wouldn’t mix anything financial with her or move in

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t seem like a big deal at all to me.

I met a mom friend who said she was divorced. A year letter, she told me her divorce was finally finalized. I literally did not even blink.

It isn’t like you caused the divorce. They have been living separately. I bet finances will be cleaner with no minors. All seem reasonable and something I would not necessarily want to discuss wirh others.

[Anonymous]

Hello?!! That happened to me last week. at least there is gender balance

4os dating is rough out there

[Anonymous]

I asked the man to circle back.

[Anonymous]

It would bother me that someone lied to me. And that they hadn’t fully gotten over the person. But that’s just me. If they had a signed separation agreement I would have felt differently

[Anonymous]

I would be very upset.

But 8 months of dating is a long time to throw away over this, even if it's a big problem. It will be a flag for me, and I would be more vigilant.

Her excuse is not a good one. She lied so that she could get more chances at a serious relationship. What stops her from lying so that she will get more chances to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be very upset.

But 8 months of dating is a long time to throw away over this, even if it's a big problem. It will be a flag for me, and I would be more vigilant.

Her excuse is not a good one. She lied so that she could get more chances at a serious relationship. What stops her from lying so that she will get more chances to marry?

Sunk cost fallacy.

[Anonymous]

Question: do you think it’s okay for someone to lie to get what they want, or to lie to take away someone else’s free choice because that person would not give them what they wanted if they told the truth?

Just know, if you accept this, you are accepting that this woman is okay with lying and manipulating to get what she wants. And is trying to pull the “Wahhh b-b-but I HAD to lie 🥺👉👈” excuse that manipulators are so fond of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op Here. Her divorce process is pretty amicable and she was waiting for her kids to graduate HS and go to college. All the assets are divided including house and she didn't want to spend a lot of money in filing the paperwork but had hired a lawyer a few months ago and took care of it. Other than this, I don't see any issues from her side as far as the commitment is concerned.

There is no reason for her to wait until the kids graduates high school.

They were in a bit of difficult relationship in which he is the high earner but also verbally abusive and very controlling.

So now you would be the high earner but not verbally abusive ? And she’s already moving in with you ? As soon as the ink dries on divorce certificate, of course. Quick lady, just WOW! Stinks seeking arrangement for lower housing costs with you. I wouldn’t mix anything financial with her or move in

Op here. Actually moving in was my idea and not hers. She wanted to take things a bit slowly first but now we are more committed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op Here. Her divorce process is pretty amicable and she was waiting for her kids to graduate HS and go to college. All the assets are divided including house and she didn't want to spend a lot of money in filing the paperwork but had hired a lawyer a few months ago and took care of it. Other than this, I don't see any issues from her side as far as the commitment is concerned.

She’s a liar. That’s a lie by omission. I would tread lightly and question the reason for the divorce. Friend’s ex wife got caught after having multiple affairs- but would tell guts she was dating either it was her husband that cheated or they “just grew apart”.

This is a red flag. Not to mention it’s a very quick rebound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’ll drop you as soon as she’s officially divorced. Happened to me just recently (I even posted a thread here about a partner who omitted telling he was finalizing his divorce). I heard men saying it happened to them, too. Which is why nobody wants to date separated people

Forgot to add his divorce was bitter in court and he was not telling me any of that. He dropped me 3 weeks after it was final

What's the psychology behind this, I don't understand?

I can understand BEING dumped when your divorce is made final by someone who is afraid of committment.

The psychology behind it is very complex: he projected many things from what his exW did to me; he probably was just in the beginning of his dating spree, but represented it to me like he dated for couple years and I didn’t want to be someone’s “post divorce trial”; he was also set in ways, super sensitive and inflexible. Many factors that I would have taken into consideration, before having second with him, if I had known where he was in that process. Maybe I wouldn’t be too pushy with things knowing his stage in life as well.

Sorry for typos - I would have taken into consideration before having sex with him, I meant.

All if that had nothing to do with the fact that he wasn't fully divorced on paper but it does with the fact that he wasn't ready and healed from his marriage. He couldn't have been a year or two out from the divorce being final and still not ready to date you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op Here. Her divorce process is pretty amicable and she was waiting for her kids to graduate HS and go to college. All the assets are divided including house and she didn't want to spend a lot of money in filing the paperwork but had hired a lawyer a few months ago and took care of it. Other than this, I don't see any issues from her side as far as the commitment is concerned.

She’s a liar. That’s a lie by omission. I would tread lightly and question the reason for the divorce. Friend’s ex wife got caught after having multiple affairs- but would tell guts she was dating either it was her husband that cheated or they “just grew apart”.

This is a red flag. Not to mention it’s a very quick rebound.

Three years separation is a quick rebound? mkkka

[Anonymous]

I would not move in together. Definitely make sure she keeps her place even if she stays over your place all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like a big deal at all to me.

I met a mom friend who said she was divorced. A year letter, she told me her divorce was finally finalized. I literally did not even blink.

It isn’t like you caused the divorce. They have been living separately. I bet finances will be cleaner with no minors. All seem reasonable and something I would not necessarily want to discuss wirh others.

I feel the same way. Care more about how genuine her feelings with you are and if you guys love each other. Not good but people hide stuff due to shame so communicate with her about your boundaries.