Lying about Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op Here. Her divorce process is pretty amicable and she was waiting for her kids to graduate HS and go to college. All the assets are divided including house and she didn't want to spend a lot of money in filing the paperwork but had hired a lawyer a few months ago and took care of it. Other than this, I don't see any issues from her side as far as the commitment is concerned.

She’s a liar. That’s a lie by omission. I would tread lightly and question the reason for the divorce. Friend’s ex wife got caught after having multiple affairs- but would tell guts she was dating either it was her husband that cheated or they “just grew apart”.

This is a red flag. Not to mention it’s a very quick rebound.

She’s shady AF. Agree. She was looking for another guy to support her financially …abs there you were. Classic exit affair. I’m guessing she was cheating on her spouse. It all aligns. Of course she was “blameless” he was a big bad bully…waaaahh.

RUN!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very upset.

But 8 months of dating is a long time to throw away over this, even if it's a big problem. It will be a flag for me, and I would be more vigilant.

Her excuse is not a good one. She lied so that she could get more chances at a serious relationship. What stops her from lying so that she will get more chances to marry?

Sunk cost fallacy

Perhaps.

But I am assuming OP should have noticed more red flags if this woman had a habit of lying. So it's not about losing an 8 month investment. It's about being a little confident that other negative traits should have popped up during this time.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think OP is a rebound for this woman. I am sure she had sex before and none gets into a 8 months strong relationship with a rebound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like a big deal at all to me.

I met a mom friend who said she was divorced. A year letter, she told me her divorce was finally finalized. I literally did not even blink.

It isn’t like you caused the divorce. They have been living separately. I bet finances will be cleaner with no minors. All seem reasonable and something I would not necessarily want to discuss wirh others.

I feel the same way. Care more about how genuine her feelings with you are and if you guys love each other. Not good but people hide stuff due to shame so communicate with her about your boundaries.

Yeah. People hide infidelity and affairs out of shame. They hide a lot of stuff they know will turn other people off. And people like this think they aren’t lying by just not revealing certain details. This is a giant red flag on her character. The fact she couldn’t be honest and accountable. I mean—she has grown children so she’s around 50 and she still acts like this???? How does she support herself??? Are you her next plan for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’ll drop you as soon as she’s officially divorced. Happened to me just recently (I even posted a thread here about a partner who omitted telling he was finalizing his divorce). I heard men saying it happened to them, too. Which is why nobody wants to date separated people

Forgot to add his divorce was bitter in court and he was not telling me any of that. He dropped me 3 weeks after it was final

What's the psychology behind this, I don't understand?

I can understand BEING dumped when your divorce is made final by someone who is afraid of committment.

The psychology behind it is very complex: he projected many things from what his exW did to me; he probably was just in the beginning of his dating spree, but represented it to me like he dated for couple years and I didn’t want to be someone’s “post divorce trial”; he was also set in ways, super sensitive and inflexible. Many factors that I would have taken into consideration, before having second with him, if I had known where he was in that process. Maybe I wouldn’t be too pushy with things knowing his stage in life as well.

Sorry for typos - I would have taken into consideration before having sex with him, I meant.

All if that had nothing to do with the fact that he wasn't fully divorced on paper but it does with the fact that he wasn't ready and healed from his marriage. He couldn't have been a year or two out from the divorce being final and still not ready to date you.

Actually not - after 2 years from divorce being final people are more likely than not ready to date seriously. For sure more ready than during the divorce process !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like a big deal at all to me.

I met a mom friend who said she was divorced. A year letter, she told me her divorce was finally finalized. I literally did not even blink.

It isn’t like you caused the divorce. They have been living separately. I bet finances will be cleaner with no minors. All seem reasonable and something I would not necessarily want to discuss wirh others.

But it could be that she hid only this and have no other skeletons such as infidelity, abuse etc

I feel the same way. Care more about how genuine her feelings with you are and if you guys love each other. Not good but people hide stuff due to shame so communicate with her about your boundaries.

Yeah. People hide infidelity and affairs out of shame. They hide a lot of stuff they know will turn other people off. And people like this think they aren’t lying by just not revealing certain details. This is a giant red flag on her character. The fact she couldn’t be honest and accountable. I mean—she has grown children so she’s around 50 and she still acts like this???? How does she support herself??? Are you her next plan for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’ll drop you as soon as she’s officially divorced. Happened to me just recently (I even posted a thread here about a partner who omitted telling he was finalizing his divorce). I heard men saying it happened to them, too. Which is why nobody wants to date separated people

Forgot to add his divorce was bitter in court and he was not telling me any of that. He dropped me 3 weeks after it was final

What's the psychology behind this, I don't understand?

I can understand BEING dumped when your divorce is made final by someone who is afraid of committment.

The psychology behind it is very complex: he projected many things from what his exW did to me; he probably was just in the beginning of his dating spree, but represented it to me like he dated for couple years and I didn’t want to be someone’s “post divorce trial”; he was also set in ways, super sensitive and inflexible. Many factors that I would have taken into consideration, before having second with him, if I had known where he was in that process. Maybe I wouldn’t be too pushy with things knowing his stage in life as well.

Sorry for typos - I would have taken into consideration before having sex with him, I meant.

All if that had nothing to do with the fact that he wasn't fully divorced on paper but it does with the fact that he wasn't ready and healed from his marriage. He couldn't have been a year or two out from the divorce being final and still not ready to date you.

Actually not - after 2 years from divorce being final people are more likely than not ready to date seriously. For sure more ready than during the divorce process !

Speaking from experience??? There is no magic number when people are ready to date again in a healthy way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like a big deal at all to me.

I met a mom friend who said she was divorced. A year letter, she told me her divorce was finally finalized. I literally did not even blink.

It isn’t like you caused the divorce. They have been living separately. I bet finances will be cleaner with no minors. All seem reasonable and something I would not necessarily want to discuss wirh others.

But it could be that she hid only this and have no other skeletons such as infidelity, abuse etc

I feel the same way. Care more about how genuine her feelings with you are and if you guys love each other. Not good but people hide stuff due to shame so communicate with her about your boundaries.

Yeah. People hide infidelity and affairs out of shame. They hide a lot of stuff they know will turn other people off. And people like this think they aren’t lying by just not revealing certain details. This is a giant red flag on her character. The fact she couldn’t be honest and accountable. I mean—she has grown children so she’s around 50 and she still acts like this???? How does she support herself??? Are you her next plan for that?

I really dislike posters like you. Because you are clearly going on about some personal burn that has nothing to do with the facts of what OP asked and are tying to push your own agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like a big deal at all to me.

I met a mom friend who said she was divorced. A year letter, she told me her divorce was finally finalized. I literally did not even blink.

It isn’t like you caused the divorce. They have been living separately. I bet finances will be cleaner with no minors. All seem reasonable and something I would not necessarily want to discuss wirh others.

But it could be that she hid only this and have no other skeletons such as infidelity, abuse etc

I feel the same way. Care more about how genuine her feelings with you are and if you guys love each other. Not good but people hide stuff due to shame so communicate with her about your boundaries.

Yeah. People hide infidelity and affairs out of shame. They hide a lot of stuff they know will turn other people off. And people like this think they aren’t lying by just not revealing certain details. This is a giant red flag on her character. The fact she couldn’t be honest and accountable. I mean—she has grown children so she’s around 50 and she still acts like this???? How does she support herself??? Are you her next plan for that?

I really dislike posters like you. Because you are clearly going on about some personal burn that has nothing to do with the facts of what OP asked and are tying to push your own agenda.

+1

There is no need to take this to extreme in OP’s case, it could be just one thing and people could hide stuff for trivial reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op Here. Her divorce process is pretty amicable and she was waiting for her kids to graduate HS and go to college. All the assets are divided including house and she didn't want to spend a lot of money in filing the paperwork but had hired a lawyer a few months ago and took care of it. Other than this, I don't see any issues from her side as far as the commitment is concerned.

People make stuff up.
She’s a liar. That’s a lie by omission. I would tread lightly and question the reason for the divorce. Friend’s ex wife got caught after having multiple affairs- but would tell guts she was dating either it was her husband that cheated or they “just grew apart”.

This is a red flag. Not to mention it’s a very quick rebound.

She’s shady AF. Agree. She was looking for another guy to support her financially …abs there you were. Classic exit affair. I’m guessing she was cheating on her spouse. It all aligns. Of course she was “blameless” he was a big bad bully…waaaahh.

RUN!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’ll drop you as soon as she’s officially divorced. Happened to me just recently (I even posted a thread here about a partner who omitted telling he was finalizing his divorce). I heard men saying it happened to them, too. Which is why nobody wants to date separated people

Forgot to add his divorce was bitter in court and he was not telling me any of that. He dropped me 3 weeks after it was final

What's the psychology behind this, I don't understand?

I can understand BEING dumped when your divorce is made final by someone who is afraid of committment.

The psychology behind it is very complex: he projected many things from what his exW did to me; he probably was just in the beginning of his dating spree, but represented it to me like he dated for couple years and I didn’t want to be someone’s “post divorce trial”; he was also set in ways, super sensitive and inflexible. Many factors that I would have taken into consideration, before having second with him, if I had known where he was in that process. Maybe I wouldn’t be too pushy with things knowing his stage in life as well.

Sorry for typos - I would have taken into consideration before having sex with him, I meant.

All if that had nothing to do with the fact that he wasn't fully divorced on paper but it does with the fact that he wasn't ready and healed from his marriage. He couldn't have been a year or two out from the divorce being final and still not ready to date you.

Actually not - after 2 years from divorce being final people are more likely than not ready to date seriously. For sure more ready than during the divorce process !

Speaking from experience??? There is no magic number when people are ready to date again in a healthy way.

Well, some may be “dating” while still married. Of course no clear statistics but my dating experience shows that recently divorced men go out f^ing all available chicks for a few years, before they start looking for a relationship

[Anonymous]

This isn’t some fun or white lie- this is a big lie and potentially a dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

*fib

[Anonymous]

Major red flag.

It's one thing if she were honest that she wasn't legally divorced (but the marriage was mutually long over in every other sense). That's not a big deal, as there are lots of valid reasons why things haven't been made legally official.

But the lying and dishonest is a BIG red flag.

[Anonymous]

why did she lie? Maybe she just recently decided to finalize the divorce and was using you earlier on and going back and forth with her soon to be ex. very shady.