Please help! Should elderly mom with dementia come on annual beach trip -- siblings disagree!
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Anonymous
I would not do it either. Miserable for you and there would be little enjoyment for her. Just visit her more often 
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Anonymous
| No. It's one thing to take her out for half a day to do something different, but a drive and then a beach trip is way too much for someone in her condition. Even a half day locally was taxing to my mom in a similar condition. |
Anonymous
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No way. Don’t do this. It’s unfair to her as she needs her routine/schedule/caregivers/environment to always be the same. Consistency and routine (and meds) are all that gets my loved one w dementia through each day.
It would also be a very stressful trip for everyone else, even w the nurse there to help. |
Anonymous
| Taking her sounds like a potential nightmare for all of you. (And I say this as someone who has a family member in early stages of dementia--travel already is becoming more stressful than beneficial.) |
Anonymous
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No! I am on vacation with my mother who lives in assisted living and has dementia. We are at our families vacation house in her native country where her two brothers and their families still live.
My mother has really declined in the almost 2 weeks we have been here. She is confused and will get upset when a relative leaves and say they didn’t say goodbye to her (they did), she can’t remember which bedroom is hers so she wanders into the other rooms, we go to lunch and she has no memory of it, she fell and luckily didn’t break anything, etc. It is really stressful for everyone. It would be worth it if she were enjoying herself but she would be more relaxed at home in the assisted living facility. |
Anonymous
| Leave her in assisted living, but if possible, have someone visit her regularly while you’re all gone. 10 days is a long time not to have anyone look in on her. |
Anonymous
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My dear sweet FIL just recently passed after a horrendous battle with dementia. Kindly, you are thinking of your mom as she used to be, not as she is. Wishful thinking, possibly brought on by grief, is clouding your judgment. This is not a good thing to do to your mom. With dementia, their routine is literally everything. It is a lifeline, an emotional ballast, and what gets them through their days. Disrupting that is medically risky at times, and certainly will make life harder.
Definitely arrange for visits for her while you are gone, however. My heart goes out to all of you. It is very hard. I remember being at the point when we wanted FIL to travel and realized he could not. It is painful. |
Anonymous
| We are in a very similar situation and my mom is not joining us. I feel so much guilt and won’t tell her we’re away w/o her, but it’s too hard on her at this stage to pull her away from her routines and environment. |
Anonymous
| My mom really did well when she was out of her assisted living. Being around her grandkids was distracting and fun. I would try it. |
Anonymous
Did your mom have dementia? |
Anonymous
| This sounds like a recipe for misery. It was hard enough to travel for a week recently with a functioning, independent 89 year old. Don’t do it! |
Anonymous
| No. This will be upsetting and won’t have a good outcome. |
Anonymous
| My aunt with dementia recently had a hard time when a group of two families visited her at the same time. She can handle 3 or 4 people at once, but there were eight of us and it was stressful and overwhelming and left her scattered for the rest of the day. I can’t imagine trying to take her on a beach trip! |
Anonymous
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Don’t take her.
Maybe you can all arrange to visit her nursing home together instead. |
Anonymous
| No way. |