Is it okay to ask ILs to stay in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

You should offer the hotel room and obviously be the one to pay for it. If they insist on staying with you, they should sleep in your bed and you and DH can set up an air mattress.

Either way seems fine to me TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should offer the hotel room and obviously be the one to pay for it. If they insist on staying with you, they should sleep in your bed and you and DH can set up an air mattress.

Either way seems fine to me TBH.

This. And if you can’t deal then move your own d@mn self without their help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, and you shouldn't need them to help you move. You're two adults. Act like it - hire movers like normal people. You can't ask people for help but then say "Oh, but you can't stay here" - are they supposed to help you move but also pay for the gas to travel to you AND three meals a day? It shouldn't cost THEM money to help you move. Tell them to come visit you in the new house a week or month after you've moved and just hire movers for half a day.

OP here. To be clear, we are hiring movers. They would be offended if we told them not to come.

I mean, who cares? Wait until YOU are ready to host guests in your new house, even if there are still a few projects they could "help" with if you wanted to include them as a kindness.

What you shouldn't do is host people you can't host. It doesn't matter what would "offend" them. You shouldn't have to deal with them until YOU are ready to deal with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, and you shouldn't need them to help you move. You're two adults. Act like it - hire movers like normal people. You can't ask people for help but then say "Oh, but you can't stay here" - are they supposed to help you move but also pay for the gas to travel to you AND three meals a day? It shouldn't cost THEM money to help you move. Tell them to come visit you in the new house a week or month after you've moved and just hire movers for half a day.

Family helps family. Some families don’t outsource everything.

OP IS HIRING MOVERS. It sounds like they aren't "helping," they are wanting to feel involved and feel busy. Which OP can let them do, as a kindness, as long as they are willing to stay in a hotel (that OP should pay for).

Do you people not understand that old folks sometimes want to feel needed/wanted/helpful/involved, even when they aren't actually needed? It's a kindness to include them, and to give them projects, but that shouldn't compromise anyone's peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

People seem confused because of the typos in OP.

This is a parent who invited themself to come hover during the move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be kind of mean to expect nice ILs who are coming to help to stay at a house without anything comfortable set up. It was much nicer for them to stay in a hotel. Why is your DH putting his foot down about this? They are his parents. If he feels really strongly about this, then you need to outline what it will mean for him yo “host” then so that you can focus on unpacking.

I also don’t underhand all the grief people are giving you about them coming to help. My parents used to do this as well. I really enjoyed having an extra set of hands when doing things like organizing my kitchen or sending my dad to the hardware store. I think it’s nice that they are coming to help.

What about this aren't you getting? OP is hiring movers, and doesn't even want the ILs there. They are not helping, they are "helping"--the way little kids want to "help" in the kitchen. It's not always convenient to indulge that kind of "help."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should offer the hotel room and obviously be the one to pay for it. If they insist on staying with you, they should sleep in your bed and you and DH can set up an air mattress.

Either way seems fine to me TBH.

Oh hell to the no. OP doesn't even want them there, and has hired professional movers. ILs are bored and want to feel needed/wanted/loved/included. Which is fine, but if they are not willing to at least stay in a hotel, there is no way in HELL OP should sleep on a floor because ILs are pushy. "Help" that is not wanted or needed is not "help," it is indulging old folks so they feel needed. No way in hell should OP sleep on the floor because they are butting in.

[Anonymous]

When is the move happening? If it's soon, you simply tell them the bed for the guest room hasn't arrived yet so you reserved them a hotel room. This could be trickier if the move is far into the future, but you could always claim a delay in shipping.

But, only you know your in-laws-- are they the types to be offended by this? If so, then I would get an air mattress for you and DH and give them your bed. It's one night.

[Anonymous]

OP: Do you have a yard and a tent ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should offer the hotel room and obviously be the one to pay for it. If they insist on staying with you, they should sleep in your bed and you and DH can set up an air mattress.

Either way seems fine to me TBH.

Oh hell to the no. OP doesn't even want them there, and has hired professional movers. ILs are bored and want to feel needed/wanted/loved/included. Which is fine, but if they are not willing to at least stay in a hotel, there is no way in HELL OP should sleep on a floor because ILs are pushy. "Help" that is not wanted or needed is not "help," it is indulging old folks so they feel needed. No way in hell should OP sleep on the floor because they are butting in.

OP's post said "We appreciate the help," which I think means they appreciate the help. Yes, there are movers, but most people hire movers who move the boxes and furniture from one location to another; they don't unpack, set up, etc. I assume that's what the parents will be helping with.

And at the end of the day, yes, OP should drive them to a hotel room that OP and spouse paid for.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws came to "help with our move" when we had hired movers, but in our case we had an infant and toddler so that's actually what they were helping with--the tiny people that needed constant supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should offer the hotel room and obviously be the one to pay for it. If they insist on staying with you, they should sleep in your bed and you and DH can set up an air mattress.

Either way seems fine to me TBH.

Oh hell to the no. OP doesn't even want them there, and has hired professional movers. ILs are bored and want to feel needed/wanted/loved/included. Which is fine, but if they are not willing to at least stay in a hotel, there is no way in HELL OP should sleep on a floor because ILs are pushy. "Help" that is not wanted or needed is not "help," it is indulging old folks so they feel needed. No way in hell should OP sleep on the floor because they are butting in.

OP's post said "We appreciate the help," which I think means they appreciate the help. Yes, there are movers, but most people hire movers who move the boxes and furniture from one location to another; they don't unpack, set up, etc. I assume that's what the parents will be helping with.

And at the end of the day, yes, OP should drive them to a hotel room that OP and spouse paid for.

So you really think OP needs their help so bad, right during the busiest days of the move, that she'd be willing to SLEEP ON THE FLOOR for it? OP can weigh in on that, but I'm thinking no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When is the move happening? If it's soon, you simply tell them the bed for the guest room hasn't arrived yet so you reserved them a hotel room. This could be trickier if the move is far into the future, but you could always claim a delay in shipping.

But, only you know your in-laws-- are they the types to be offended by this? If so, then I would get an air mattress for you and DH and give them your bed. It's one night.

Why would it matter if they are offended by this? DH and I make the decisions that are best for our family, and the task at hand. Anyone "offended" by our plans can be left to their feelings. Presumably grown adults can handle being disappointed every now and then. FFS.

[Anonymous]

What specifically are they helping with, since you have hired movers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What specifically are they helping with, since you have hired movers?

NP. When I have movers it's really helpful to have extra people. They were able to answer questions about what goes where and what room.