Little kids and adult social life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

No, do you?

No, which makes it logistically challenging to go out sans kids as often as you do. Hence the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

NO. Who the hell are you to lecture another PP on how they spend their time? Stay in your own (boring) lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost never socialize with people except when we hang out with other families. It’s May and I’ve had one solo coffee date with a friend so far in 2023, and then went to one book club with people I didn’t know (an effort to try and socialize more).

The problem is that I feel like I don’t have solo friends anymore. I have family friends. It is a real point of frustration for me— I feel quite lonely even though I’m almost never alone. Also burned out because while it’s nice to spend time with other families, I really need some time away from my kid so my brain can remember what it is like to not be at least half focused on her at all times.

Hosting dinner parties doesn’t feel like a solution for me because then I’m still home with my family, plus added stress of hosting. I really need more chances to just be out on my own. DH and I almost never go on dates, either.

Single parent, but this is how it works out for me, too. I’d like to have more time to spend with my friends who aren’t really kid people but for now most of those friendships are maintained online since the logistics/expense of a babysitter are a bit much for me on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

No, do you?

No, which makes it logistically challenging to go out sans kids as often as you do. Hence the question.

It’s hard for you to get a babysitter twice a week?

[Anonymous]

Kids are 8, 7, 5 and 3.

I’m an introvert and don’t mind staying in. DH is an extrovert. He averages 1 or 2 nights out per week, plus he workouts every AM. We do a date night every week or two.

We do family friendly BBQs at our house and also socialize at our neighborhood pool, with kids in tow.

Funny enough I recently hosted a dinner party for 8 adults at our house. Our sitter bailed on us like 1 hour before the party started. I basically told the kids to stay in their playroom and not bother us and to my surprise, they did! We didn’t see them for the entirety of the party. I felt very much like a 1950s mom, lol.

[Anonymous]

I go the gym at least 3 times a week, play tennis 1-2 times a week, go out with girlfriends at least 2 times a month minumum. But we only have 1 child so it’s easier to have free time and a social life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost never socialize with people except when we hang out with other families. It’s May and I’ve had one solo coffee date with a friend so far in 2023, and then went to one book club with people I didn’t know (an effort to try and socialize more).

The problem is that I feel like I don’t have solo friends anymore. I have family friends. It is a real point of frustration for me— I feel quite lonely even though I’m almost never alone. Also burned out because while it’s nice to spend time with other families, I really need some time away from my kid so my brain can remember what it is like to not be at least half focused on her at all times.

Hosting dinner parties doesn’t feel like a solution for me because then I’m still home with my family, plus added stress of hosting. I really need more chances to just be out on my own. DH and I almost never go on dates, either.

+1 to all of this. My team at work has shifted permanently to nearly 100% WFH, so I don’t even have that little bit of socialization anymore.
We’ve also struggled to find a reliable babysitter and have no local family, so that doesn’t help the situation, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost never socialize with people except when we hang out with other families. It’s May and I’ve had one solo coffee date with a friend so far in 2023, and then went to one book club with people I didn’t know (an effort to try and socialize more).

The problem is that I feel like I don’t have solo friends anymore. I have family friends. It is a real point of frustration for me— I feel quite lonely even though I’m almost never alone. Also burned out because while it’s nice to spend time with other families, I really need some time away from my kid so my brain can remember what it is like to not be at least half focused on her at all times.

Hosting dinner parties doesn’t feel like a solution for me because then I’m still home with my family, plus added stress of hosting. I really need more chances to just be out on my own. DH and I almost never go on dates, either.

+1 to all of this. My team at work has shifted permanently to nearly 100% WFH, so I don’t even have that little bit of socialization anymore.
We’ve also struggled to find a reliable babysitter and have no local family, so that doesn’t help the situation, either.

PP here and same. We hired sitters periodically when DD was younger because she’d go to sleep by 7:30 or so and we could tuck her in before we left. Now she stays up later and is so attached to our bedtime routine, and to me being there for it. If DH isn’t there for bedtime she’s fine, if I’m not there she sometimes freaks out. It makes it so much harder to get out.

DH works in person and gets some adult interaction that way. I’m 100% remote plus do a lot more of the pick up/drop off and activities duty as a result, and I feel so drained and Kid-focused, especially since Covid.

Sometimes I’ll reach out to a friend to get together and they ALWAYS suggest getting together with the kids or kids+husbands. I know their time is short, too, so I get it. But I just really wish I got out more regularly on my own, at least once or twice a month. I just feel like my whole identity is “mom” and even when I make an effort to break out of that, it doesn’t seem to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost never socialize with people except when we hang out with other families. It’s May and I’ve had one solo coffee date with a friend so far in 2023, and then went to one book club with people I didn’t know (an effort to try and socialize more).

The problem is that I feel like I don’t have solo friends anymore. I have family friends. It is a real point of frustration for me— I feel quite lonely even though I’m almost never alone. Also burned out because while it’s nice to spend time with other families, I really need some time away from my kid so my brain can remember what it is like to not be at least half focused on her at all times.

Hosting dinner parties doesn’t feel like a solution for me because then I’m still home with my family, plus added stress of hosting. I really need more chances to just be out on my own. DH and I almost never go on dates, either.

+1 to all of this. My team at work has shifted permanently to nearly 100% WFH, so I don’t even have that little bit of socialization anymore.
We’ve also struggled to find a reliable babysitter and have no local family, so that doesn’t help the situation, either.

PP here and same. We hired sitters periodically when DD was younger because she’d go to sleep by 7:30 or so and we could tuck her in before we left. Now she stays up later and is so attached to our bedtime routine, and to me being there for it. If DH isn’t there for bedtime she’s fine, if I’m not there she sometimes freaks out. It makes it so much harder to get out.

DH works in person and gets some adult interaction that way. I’m 100% remote plus do a lot more of the pick up/drop off and activities duty as a result, and I feel so drained and Kid-focused, especially since Covid.

Sometimes I’ll reach out to a friend to get together and they ALWAYS suggest getting together with the kids or kids+husbands. I know their time is short, too, so I get it. But I just really wish I got out more regularly on my own, at least once or twice a month. I just feel like my whole identity is “mom” and even when I make an effort to break out of that, it doesn’t seem to work.

Yes! I'm the PP from 22:31, and it's the exact same here. Our girls are 7 and 3. I love them both more than anything in this world, and I fought hard to get and stay pregnant with them, so I sometimes feel like it makes me ungrateful or something to feel this way. I'm so burned out.

[Anonymous]

We probably do adults only socializing only 1-2 times per month. DH has a quarterly dads dinner at a restaurant or he gets together at a neighbors house with a bunch of guys around the fire pit. I’ll do A ladies night out or wine night. Going out solo each of us is easier than a couples event because that requires arranging babysitting. So couples socializing happens less often, maybe a handful of times per year.

Most weekend socializing is with other families or with our own extended family. I feel like this is enough for us for now. We both work and our kids are getting into the age of activities so we don’t have much bandwidth left for weekly adults only socializing.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn’t socialize.

I work a job with evening and some weekend hours, so all my socializing is during weekdays with other people who have similar hours or stay home with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost never socialize with people except when we hang out with other families. It’s May and I’ve had one solo coffee date with a friend so far in 2023, and then went to one book club with people I didn’t know (an effort to try and socialize more).

The problem is that I feel like I don’t have solo friends anymore. I have family friends. It is a real point of frustration for me— I feel quite lonely even though I’m almost never alone. Also burned out because while it’s nice to spend time with other families, I really need some time away from my kid so my brain can remember what it is like to not be at least half focused on her at all times.

Hosting dinner parties doesn’t feel like a solution for me because then I’m still home with my family, plus added stress of hosting. I really need more chances to just be out on my own. DH and I almost never go on dates, either.

+1 to all of this. My team at work has shifted permanently to nearly 100% WFH, so I don’t even have that little bit of socialization anymore.
We’ve also struggled to find a reliable babysitter and have no local family, so that doesn’t help the situation, either.

PP here and same. We hired sitters periodically when DD was younger because she’d go to sleep by 7:30 or so and we could tuck her in before we left. Now she stays up later and is so attached to our bedtime routine, and to me being there for it. If DH isn’t there for bedtime she’s fine, if I’m not there she sometimes freaks out. It makes it so much harder to get out.

DH works in person and gets some adult interaction that way. I’m 100% remote plus do a lot more of the pick up/drop off and activities duty as a result, and I feel so drained and Kid-focused, especially since Covid.

Sometimes I’ll reach out to a friend to get together and they ALWAYS suggest getting together with the kids or kids+husbands. I know their time is short, too, so I get it. But I just really wish I got out more regularly on my own, at least once or twice a month. I just feel like my whole identity is “mom” and even when I make an effort to break out of that, it doesn’t seem to work.

Yes! I'm the PP from 22:31, and it's the exact same here. Our girls are 7 and 3. I love them both more than anything in this world, and I fought hard to get and stay pregnant with them, so I sometimes feel like it makes me ungrateful or something to feel this way. I'm so burned out.

Single parent PP here and I sympathize so much! I also struggle to find (and afford!) babysitters. Last week I had a week off between jobs but still had childcare and it was amazing to go to exercise classes (!) and grab lunch with some friends I have had an uninterrupted adult conversation with in I don’t know how long (!!). Also full time remote at work which is great for a lot of reasons but I do miss hanging out with adults sometimes…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost never socialize with people except when we hang out with other families. It’s May and I’ve had one solo coffee date with a friend so far in 2023, and then went to one book club with people I didn’t know (an effort to try and socialize more).

The problem is that I feel like I don’t have solo friends anymore. I have family friends. It is a real point of frustration for me— I feel quite lonely even though I’m almost never alone. Also burned out because while it’s nice to spend time with other families, I really need some time away from my kid so my brain can remember what it is like to not be at least half focused on her at all times.

Hosting dinner parties doesn’t feel like a solution for me because then I’m still home with my family, plus added stress of hosting. I really need more chances to just be out on my own. DH and I almost never go on dates, either.

+1 to all of this. My team at work has shifted permanently to nearly 100% WFH, so I don’t even have that little bit of socialization anymore.
We’ve also struggled to find a reliable babysitter and have no local family, so that doesn’t help the situation, either.

PP here and same. We hired sitters periodically when DD was younger because she’d go to sleep by 7:30 or so and we could tuck her in before we left. Now she stays up later and is so attached to our bedtime routine, and to me being there for it. If DH isn’t there for bedtime she’s fine, if I’m not there she sometimes freaks out. It makes it so much harder to get out.

DH works in person and gets some adult interaction that way. I’m 100% remote plus do a lot more of the pick up/drop off and activities duty as a result, and I feel so drained and Kid-focused, especially since Covid.

Sometimes I’ll reach out to a friend to get together and they ALWAYS suggest getting together with the kids or kids+husbands. I know their time is short, too, so I get it. But I just really wish I got out more regularly on my own, at least once or twice a month. I just feel like my whole identity is “mom” and even when I make an effort to break out of that, it doesn’t seem to work.

Yes! I'm the PP from 22:31, and it's the exact same here. Our girls are 7 and 3. I love them both more than anything in this world, and I fought hard to get and stay pregnant with them, so I sometimes feel like it makes me ungrateful or something to feel this way. I'm so burned out.

Single parent PP here and I sympathize so much! I also struggle to find (and afford!) babysitters. Last week I had a week off between jobs but still had childcare and it was amazing to go to exercise classes (!) and grab lunch with some friends I have had an uninterrupted adult conversation with in I don’t know how long (!!). Also full time remote at work which is great for a lot of reasons but I do miss hanging out with adults sometimes…

Ask your mom friends for recommendations. It's summer now so you may be able to find a college student home for the summer or a mature high schooler. Grad students in education or nursing are ideal. If your kid is in daycare, discreetly ask teachers if they babysit on the side (but check your contract first because some daycares don't allow moonlighting). Ask friends with nannies - they may be looking to pick up extra hours. I used Care.com to find two great babysitters and my husband interviewed/chose them - highly recommend this as I think he had a less emotional, more detached view of it and truly weeded out the unreliable ones. Teachers off for the summer are another good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

DP but I can't stand this logic.

+1000
I’m an introvert and a homebody but it’s perfectly fine to not spend every waking minute with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

It’s called hiring a babysitter.