Little kids and adult social life

[Anonymous]

If you have little kids what does your adult (kid free) social life look like? Do you regularly go out to dinner with friends, meet a girlfriend for tennis, have a standing coffee date, host dinner parties, go to concerts or anything else you’ve managed to successfully integrate into your routine?

I’m not talking about family socializing with kids, which is great to but definitely a different thing.

What got me thinking about this was an article on hosting dinner parties which sounds lovely and I remember my parents doing it when I was little and know my grandparents had a rotating group to host themed dinners for decades….and I can’t even begin my mind around how all the things that would need to come together for it would happen

[Anonymous]

I get plenty of adult social time but a lot of it has shifted to the weekdays. Happy hour with work friends, book club, Friday night drinks with friends, etc. Weekends are for family time + date time + solo hobby time, unless I'm seeing friends as part of a play date.

[Anonymous]

I get very little- I do an activity once a week (an organized class) and other than that- maybe once every couple of months I will go out to dinner or drinks with friends.

[Anonymous]

DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

[Anonymous]

How little? My kids are 6 and 8, so we need a babysitter to both go out, but they are pretty self-sufficient with their bedtime routine.

I meet friends to workout two mornings a week. My spouse and I typically each go out for drinks with a friend or a work event / happy hour one evening a week. If we both have events on the same day, we get a sitter to pick up the kids and take them to sports.

We get a sitter and go to a concert or out to dinner once every 4-6 weeks. Some regular sitters have moved away and we need to rebuild our list so we can regularly schedule things. Our kids go to my parents house overnight 1 night every 4-6 weeks, so that’s a built in date night by ourselves or with friends. Between sitters and grandparents, we do a night out every 2-3 weeks.

We’d probably go out more except that I was training for a race and do my long runs at 5:30 am Saturday before kids’ sports. Most of our friends have similar age kids, so most of our socializing is at our home or neighbors’ homes while the kids play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

DP but I can't stand this logic.

[Anonymous]

I almost never socialize with people except when we hang out with other families. It’s May and I’ve had one solo coffee date with a friend so far in 2023, and then went to one book club with people I didn’t know (an effort to try and socialize more).

The problem is that I feel like I don’t have solo friends anymore. I have family friends. It is a real point of frustration for me— I feel quite lonely even though I’m almost never alone. Also burned out because while it’s nice to spend time with other families, I really need some time away from my kid so my brain can remember what it is like to not be at least half focused on her at all times.

Hosting dinner parties doesn’t feel like a solution for me because then I’m still home with my family, plus added stress of hosting. I really need more chances to just be out on my own. DH and I almost never go on dates, either.

[Anonymous]

I would day it probably averages out to 1-2x/week. Some weekends are really busy and sometimes we go a few weeks without anything planned. I have a list of 6-8 babysitters so I can always find someone if I need to. If I'm hosting a dinner party I'll try and have a middle school or high school girl from our neighborhood watch my kids and put them to bed so I can focus on hosting.

Most recently when traveling we've tried to do at least one evening out and used the resort or local babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Our littles are 1 and 3 and we try to keep an active social life by disrupting our family time as little as possible.

Concretely this means seeing our friends on the weekends with our kids. If they have kids, we do an activity all together. if they don’t have kids, they just pop by for an afternoon snack or outing.

For adult only time we do it once the kids are in bed. We put them to bed at 7:30pm and are at dinner by 8pm. Even better is when we host at our house and that saves the need to find a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

DP but I can't stand this logic.

I like this logic to rationalize spending lots of time with your kids, but I don’t like this logic to rationalize not nurturing your own friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

DP but I can't stand this logic.

Because you are selfish and it's me me me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

DP but I can't stand this logic.

Because you are selfish and it's me me me.

Making a lot of assumptions here. But I think it's good for parents to be a *little* selfish, y'know, in moderation. Parents today are wayyyy too martyr-y about nurturing their own identities, friendships, social bonds, community ties, hobbies, *marriages.* The boomers had this one right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

No, do you?