Little kids and adult social life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

No, do you?

No, which makes it logistically challenging to go out sans kids as often as you do. Hence the question.

It’s hard for you to get a babysitter twice a week?

Is this a serious question? I actually laughed at this one. Of course it is!

I just contacted all 3 of our babysitters to ask about two dates in June, and no one is available for either of them. I certainly don't have the money or roster to go out twice a week. I agree with the PP that the only parents I know who go out without kids on a weekly basis have local family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

I have a 7 year old and have never hired a babysitter. We did have a summer nanny one year in 2020 when preschool closed, if that counts. And that nanny watched our kid maybe twice after that summer. We have some local family that comes over in the rare occasion that we have a kid free obligation. Maybe 3 times a year. We also drop our son off at my parents for three weeks throughout the year and have solo time then. Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

I have a 7 year old and have never hired a babysitter. We did have a summer nanny one year in 2020 when preschool closed, if that counts. And that nanny watched our kid maybe twice after that summer. We have some local family that comes over in the rare occasion that we have a kid free obligation. Maybe 3 times a year. We also drop our son off at my parents for three weeks throughout the year and have solo time then. Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families.

I’m sure your husband loves living like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

I have a 7 year old and have never hired a babysitter. We did have a summer nanny one year in 2020 when preschool closed, if that counts. And that nanny watched our kid maybe twice after that summer. We have some local family that comes over in the rare occasion that we have a kid free obligation. Maybe 3 times a year. We also drop our son off at my parents for three weeks throughout the year and have solo time then. Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families.

I’m sure your husband loves living like this.

I think you didn't read past PP's first sentence, because it actually sounds like they have more childcare than many families, including three weeks during the year where her kid stays with family, as well as a few other occasions throughout the year. Plus they take turns staying home with their kid so the other can go out and socialize once a week. That's actually not bad for a family with young kids.

Hiring babysitters can be a huge pain. We do it but we can't afford to do it all the time. Where we live, a babysitter is going to cost $20-25/hr, and most occasional sitters have a minimum engagement of 3-4 hours. Including tip and sometimes transportation costs (we sometimes pay for an uber home if it's very late and they don't have a car), we're talking $60 minimum and it can easily cost up to $150 just for the sitter, which is of course on top of whatever we do while we're out. So we save sitters for anniversaries, birthdays, the occasional big outing like a concert or something. People on here saying they hire sitters once or twice a week? Great for them but it's just not in our budget.

One way we sneak in dates is to sometimes take time from work during the week while DC is in school and go out to lunch, or even take more time and go to a movie or a museum. Obviously can't do this all the time but we try to do it every few months and it's really nice to not have the added stress of finding and paying a sitter on top of other date-planning -- it makes our time together more enjoyable to not have to arrange the sitter and also to know our kid is on her normal schedule with her teachers and friends, instead of worrying she woke up with a bad dream and the babysitter couldn't comfort her.

I'm not anti-babysitter, but the idea that sitters are easy to come by, or convenient, or accessible to most families, is ridiculous. The families I know who leave kids at home in the evening with frequency all either have local family, or they had a nanny for many years who has become their occasional sitter. I just don't know anyone who hires one-off sitters more than maybe once a month because it's so inconvenient and annoying, and for most people it's much less.

[Anonymous]

my kids are 6 and 9 -- we do spend an immense amount of time with other families (we have people over maybe once a month -- i'll serve some kind of dinner and the kids run around and the grownups catch up. We also we meet up at the pool, we hang out at the playground several times a week, and of course are on the birthday party circuit).

As for my personal social life:

I have two monthly clubs (one a book club, one more like a conversation club where we discuss a topic), my husband also has a monthly club meeting.

about once a week, my husband and I will do something with a friend in the evening while the other parent stays home, like go see music, go to a gallery show, go out to dinner, etc. My kids don't care at all. Sometimes this happens late, starting at 8:30/ 9 anyways, so they don't even really know about it.

I'll have coffee with a friend maybe a couple times a month (this used to be more like 2xweek when I was a SAHM, but I'm working again so I dropped this frequency).

my husband and I have a lunch date once a week when we both WFH.

my MIL lives a couple hours away and can usually babysit maybe once every 6 weeks? and we have a date then. We also rarely use sitters -- maybe 3xyear. So i think we end up having a nighttime date every month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

I have a 7 year old and have never hired a babysitter. We did have a summer nanny one year in 2020 when preschool closed, if that counts. And that nanny watched our kid maybe twice after that summer. We have some local family that comes over in the rare occasion that we have a kid free obligation. Maybe 3 times a year. We also drop our son off at my parents for three weeks throughout the year and have solo time then. Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families.

I’m sure your husband loves living like this.

I think you didn't read past PP's first sentence, because it actually sounds like they have more childcare than many families, including three weeks during the year where her kid stays with family, as well as a few other occasions throughout the year. Plus they take turns staying home with their kid so the other can go out and socialize once a week. That's actually not bad for a family with young kids.

Hiring babysitters can be a huge pain. We do it but we can't afford to do it all the time. Where we live, a babysitter is going to cost $20-25/hr, and most occasional sitters have a minimum engagement of 3-4 hours. Including tip and sometimes transportation costs (we sometimes pay for an uber home if it's very late and they don't have a car), we're talking $60 minimum and it can easily cost up to $150 just for the sitter, which is of course on top of whatever we do while we're out. So we save sitters for anniversaries, birthdays, the occasional big outing like a concert or something. People on here saying they hire sitters once or twice a week? Great for them but it's just not in our budget.

One way we sneak in dates is to sometimes take time from work during the week while DC is in school and go out to lunch, or even take more time and go to a movie or a museum. Obviously can't do this all the time but we try to do it every few months and it's really nice to not have the added stress of finding and paying a sitter on top of other date-planning -- it makes our time together more enjoyable to not have to arrange the sitter and also to know our kid is on her normal schedule with her teachers and friends, instead of worrying she woke up with a bad dream and the babysitter couldn't comfort her.

I'm not anti-babysitter, but the idea that sitters are easy to come by, or convenient, or accessible to most families, is ridiculous. The families I know who leave kids at home in the evening with frequency all either have local family, or they had a nanny for many years who has become their occasional sitter. I just don't know anyone who hires one-off sitters more than maybe once a month because it's so inconvenient and annoying, and for most people it's much less.

That’s great, but PP didn’t even mention her husband in her post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

I have a 7 year old and have never hired a babysitter. We did have a summer nanny one year in 2020 when preschool closed, if that counts. And that nanny watched our kid maybe twice after that summer. We have some local family that comes over in the rare occasion that we have a kid free obligation. Maybe 3 times a year. We also drop our son off at my parents for three weeks throughout the year and have solo time then. Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families.

I’m sure your husband loves living like this.

I think you didn't read past PP's first sentence, because it actually sounds like they have more childcare than many families, including three weeks during the year where her kid stays with family, as well as a few other occasions throughout the year. Plus they take turns staying home with their kid so the other can go out and socialize once a week. That's actually not bad for a family with young kids.

Hiring babysitters can be a huge pain. We do it but we can't afford to do it all the time. Where we live, a babysitter is going to cost $20-25/hr, and most occasional sitters have a minimum engagement of 3-4 hours. Including tip and sometimes transportation costs (we sometimes pay for an uber home if it's very late and they don't have a car), we're talking $60 minimum and it can easily cost up to $150 just for the sitter, which is of course on top of whatever we do while we're out. So we save sitters for anniversaries, birthdays, the occasional big outing like a concert or something. People on here saying they hire sitters once or twice a week? Great for them but it's just not in our budget.

One way we sneak in dates is to sometimes take time from work during the week while DC is in school and go out to lunch, or even take more time and go to a movie or a museum. Obviously can't do this all the time but we try to do it every few months and it's really nice to not have the added stress of finding and paying a sitter on top of other date-planning -- it makes our time together more enjoyable to not have to arrange the sitter and also to know our kid is on her normal schedule with her teachers and friends, instead of worrying she woke up with a bad dream and the babysitter couldn't comfort her.

I'm not anti-babysitter, but the idea that sitters are easy to come by, or convenient, or accessible to most families, is ridiculous. The families I know who leave kids at home in the evening with frequency all either have local family, or they had a nanny for many years who has become their occasional sitter. I just don't know anyone who hires one-off sitters more than maybe once a month because it's so inconvenient and annoying, and for most people it's much less.

That’s great, but PP didn’t even mention her husband in her post.

Yes, she does: "Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families."

In other words, she and her DH both go out about once a week to socialize with other adults, and the other spouse stays home with their child. That's more than I get out on my own without my DH or kids and we actually do hire babysitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.

Many times SAHPs don't have built-in childcare like working parents do. When I worked full-time I had a nanny so if I wanted to go to happy hour or dinner I could just text my nanny to see if she could stay longer. If I needed to travel for work the routine didn't really change because my husband could handle mornings and evenings (and I could still ask the nanny to come early or stay late if my husband also had a work dinner or meeting). But when I became a SAHP last minute invites were much harder because I had to find childcare. I've adjusted and try to keep a list of 4-6 babysitters on file for when I need someone but my kids are older now and have activities which means I would often need someone who could handle pickup and dropoff. If I had an au pair or nanny that person would already be comfortable doing those things.

That makes sense!

[Anonymous]

I was molested by my babysitter no thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

No, do you?

No, which makes it logistically challenging to go out sans kids as often as you do. Hence the question.

It’s hard for you to get a babysitter twice a week?

Is this a joke? Yes, it's not easy to find reliable babysitting. And it's expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

No, do you?

No, which makes it logistically challenging to go out sans kids as often as you do. Hence the question.

It’s hard for you to get a babysitter twice a week?

Is this a serious question? I actually laughed at this one. Of course it is!

I just contacted all 3 of our babysitters to ask about two dates in June, and no one is available for either of them. I certainly don't have the money or roster to go out twice a week. I agree with the PP that the only parents I know who go out without kids on a weekly basis have local family.

Sorry you have that problem. We don’t have any local family but are able to hire sitters without a problem.

[Anonymous]

I go out solo for moms' nights or with coworkers maybe once every other week; similar for DH. We have a lot of friends and go out together to parties or other events probably around once a week (we get a babysitter). Date night can fall to the wayside a bit - we probably only go out on our own as a couple once every few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

I have a 7 year old and have never hired a babysitter. We did have a summer nanny one year in 2020 when preschool closed, if that counts. And that nanny watched our kid maybe twice after that summer. We have some local family that comes over in the rare occasion that we have a kid free obligation. Maybe 3 times a year. We also drop our son off at my parents for three weeks throughout the year and have solo time then. Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families.

I’m sure your husband loves living like this.

I think you didn't read past PP's first sentence, because it actually sounds like they have more childcare than many families, including three weeks during the year where her kid stays with family, as well as a few other occasions throughout the year. Plus they take turns staying home with their kid so the other can go out and socialize once a week. That's actually not bad for a family with young kids.

Hiring babysitters can be a huge pain. We do it but we can't afford to do it all the time. Where we live, a babysitter is going to cost $20-25/hr, and most occasional sitters have a minimum engagement of 3-4 hours. Including tip and sometimes transportation costs (we sometimes pay for an uber home if it's very late and they don't have a car), we're talking $60 minimum and it can easily cost up to $150 just for the sitter, which is of course on top of whatever we do while we're out. So we save sitters for anniversaries, birthdays, the occasional big outing like a concert or something. People on here saying they hire sitters once or twice a week? Great for them but it's just not in our budget.

One way we sneak in dates is to sometimes take time from work during the week while DC is in school and go out to lunch, or even take more time and go to a movie or a museum. Obviously can't do this all the time but we try to do it every few months and it's really nice to not have the added stress of finding and paying a sitter on top of other date-planning -- it makes our time together more enjoyable to not have to arrange the sitter and also to know our kid is on her normal schedule with her teachers and friends, instead of worrying she woke up with a bad dream and the babysitter couldn't comfort her.

I'm not anti-babysitter, but the idea that sitters are easy to come by, or convenient, or accessible to most families, is ridiculous. The families I know who leave kids at home in the evening with frequency all either have local family, or they had a nanny for many years who has become their occasional sitter. I just don't know anyone who hires one-off sitters more than maybe once a month because it's so inconvenient and annoying, and for most people it's much less.

That’s great, but PP didn’t even mention her husband in her post.

Yes, she does: "Otherwise we either socialize with our friend while the other parent is home, which is probably 1x week, or we do things with other families."

In other words, she and her DH both go out about once a week to socialize with other adults, and the other spouse stays home with their child. That's more than I get out on my own without my DH or kids and we actually do hire babysitters.

Yes this PP was me and this is accurate! Didn't realize my first post was so cryptic. I go out about twice a month with friends and DH stays home and vice versa for him. It works for us. We are both happy to spend time together in our own home and socialize with our own friend groups independently. We save our dinners out together for the times throughout the year that my parents watch DS for an extended time.

I'm definitely not anti babysitter but have somehow made it this far in parenting without having or needing a list of babysitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was molested by my babysitter no thank you

I'm so sorry to hear. I was groomed by a teacher and my kids will still be going to school, though.