Reply to Please give it to me straight, no chaser

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi everyone, im OP. Thanks for being what a friend is for.
To answer you guys, I also refuse therapy because Im so embarrassed to tell someone about myself even though I know a therapist can help.

Thanks for the tips and advice. My problem is that Im uptight and catastrophize. I wish I was relaxed and had a ”whatever goes” attitude.

i just feel so flawed and worthless. 
My biggest mental block is that I also feel like even if I get back on track, it will be too late for me. Everyone on Twitter talks about how much fun it is being in your twenties and I don’t feel that at all.

Thank you again
[/quote]

OP, my 20s sucked! It was all financial insecurity, entry-level jobs, and dating/feeling lonely.

I'm in my 40s and my life is really good even though my LinkedIn page as probably never impressed or intimidated anyone. I have a solid but not exciting career, a lot of financial security, I'm married, and I have a kid and LOVE being a mom. I take nice vacations and have a couple fun hobbies and a couple good friends and I feel like I won the lottery. You absolutely have the time and the ability to build a life like mine, I promise.

If starting therapy sounds like too much right now, I'd start with the following:

1) Get a CBT workbook and read it/do the exercises to start building some emotional regulation skills. It will help.

2) Read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I really think you will respond to it and it will help put things in perspective.

3) Join a gym or start some kind of regular exercise program, commit to doing it 2-3 days a week. Maybe keep a journal or calendar to try and keep that goal, and give yourself a prize each month for keeping it. Working towards small goals and achieving them can be a great place to start building a sense of competence and ability, and exercise is a really good goal because it has positive mental health effects as well.

4) If you have any income at all, set a savings goal and stick to it diligently. There are a bunch of savings accounts offering high rates right now (like 5%, which is really high for savings!) -- I'd open one of those and commit to putting money in it every month. It could be $50, it could be $500, whatever makes sense for you and your finances. There is something very soothing about feeling like you are saving and building wealth during this stage in your life where you feel the way you currently do. I promise this sounds like a chore but the feeling you will get at watching that little nest egg grow can offer a lot of stability. One day that money could be a graduate degree, a down payment on a house, a trip to India, a new wardrobe for the great new job you got, etc. Start now, put away every month, build towards something.[/quote]

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