Unexpected conversations

[Anonymous]

So this happened in February, they are 11, and it relates to dating (straight, gay…doesn’t really matter they are 11.). This is about the “best friend” and her drama. I would use the summer to take a bit of a break from this girl. It sounds like there is truly nothing more your dd can or should do in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really confused. Why is the best friend’s mom even involved in this and why is she saying “leave the other girl out of it.” It is a face your daughter (allegedly) made at the other girl, and her daughter is the that has nothing to do with this as well as her mom.

Does your daughter even see this other girl anymore? So they all go to school together? Personally I wouldn’t want my DD to be friends with either girls. They both sound mentally troubled

I think OP talked to the mom to get the other girl’s info so her DD can apologize. Does DD feel eke needs to apologize? It’s unclear whether she thinks sue was wrong or is just being bullied by her friend. I am one of the people posting that the friendship has run its course but if your daughter is really determined to try to salvage it, I would suggest she write an apology to be delivered by best friend to the other girl and then tell best friend that she has apologized and is done talking about this situation. Better to move on with other friends, but I know DD may not be receptive to this. If DD is not receptive to ending bad friendship, start talking to her about what she thinks makes good friends and good relationships so she can figure out if this best friend is just bad news for her.

This is still weird. Saying to leave the other girl out of it when your daughter is trying to apologize is an inappropriate response. Also, if you DD has no way of contacting this girl and doesn’t see her, I would just forget it

It sounds like it is the DD’s best friend who is not forgetting it. That is the issue.

Perhaps this is some kind of tween love triangle. I suspect best friend and this other girl may be more than friends. Three’s a crowd. Your DD needs to exit scene

[Anonymous]

I agree with the BF mom about keeping the other girl out of it.

I’d have a long talk with DD about proportionality when you make a mistake a reassure her that she’s done all she can. I’d tell her the BFF is not being kind with trying to force her this way, and that she should just refuse to engage.

I’d talk to the BFF mom to try to get BFF to drop it.

If nothing changed, limit contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really confused. Why is the best friend’s mom even involved in this and why is she saying “leave the other girl out of it.” It is a face your daughter (allegedly) made at the other girl, and her daughter is the that has nothing to do with this as well as her mom.

Does your daughter even see this other girl anymore? So they all go to school together? Personally I wouldn’t want my DD to be friends with either girls. They both sound mentally troubled

I think OP talked to the mom to get the other girl’s info so her DD can apologize. Does DD feel eke needs to apologize? It’s unclear whether she thinks sue was wrong or is just being bullied by her friend. I am one of the people posting that the friendship has run its course but if your daughter is really determined to try to salvage it, I would suggest she write an apology to be delivered by best friend to the other girl and then tell best friend that she has apologized and is done talking about this situation. Better to move on with other friends, but I know DD may not be receptive to this. If DD is not receptive to ending bad friendship, start talking to her about what she thinks makes good friends and good relationships so she can figure out if this best friend is just bad news for her.

Absolutely not. I think with a written apology, the most likely thing to happen in this situation is that they still tell her it's not enough and then it will get quoted out of context, shared in social media, and blow up the thing even further out of proportion than it already is.

The friendship is over, much as OP's DD may try and try. The so-called BF is totally out of line and has crossed over into bullying. OP should talk with DD about how BF is not being a good friend. Good friends give each other grace. Maybe she did "make a face", who knows, but in that case a real BF might raise the issue, accept the apology and move on for goodness sake. This has been going on for months.

[Anonymous]

This is lunacy. So much for a face your daughter allegedly made. Help your daughter to move on and understand sometimes people misinterpret reactions or don’t accept genuine apologies. Time for fresh air, time for new(less drama prone) friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened in Jan/Feb Super Bowl?

Your daughter’s friend is a mental case. Help your daughter make new friends elsewhere.

I’d make a face too if some new 11 yo told me they were having GF or BF problems.

Honestly it’s this. It’s the beginning of drama filled years for some. Encourage your daughter to take a break from this friend and hang out with kids who aren’t giving her a hard time.

Around 11, my daughter and her friends had months of drama and anger that they couldn’t let go over one of them making a comment over something another got offended about. Along the lines of insulting Taylor Swift. It lasted for over 6 months and was all so stupid. I encouraged my kid to hang out with friends who didn’t spiral as much.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Best friend is a lifetime friendship. They literally do not remember a time when they weren’t best friends. This is tearing my DD up. Best friend and her mom have been our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Best friend is a lifetime friendship. They literally do not remember a time when they weren’t best friends. This is tearing my DD up. Best friend and her mom have been our family.

What does the mom say? If she isn't working on her end to get her kid to drop this, then I don't see a way forward other than just taking a break from this relationship. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really confused. Why is the best friend’s mom even involved in this and why is she saying “leave the other girl out of it.” It is a face your daughter (allegedly) made at the other girl, and her daughter is the that has nothing to do with this as well as her mom.

Does your daughter even see this other girl anymore? So they all go to school together? Personally I wouldn’t want my DD to be friends with either girls. They both sound mentally troubled

I think OP talked to the mom to get the other girl’s info so her DD can apologize. Does DD feel eke needs to apologize? It’s unclear whether she thinks sue was wrong or is just being bullied by her friend. I am one of the people posting that the friendship has run its course but if your daughter is really determined to try to salvage it, I would suggest she write an apology to be delivered by best friend to the other girl and then tell best friend that she has apologized and is done talking about this situation. Better to move on with other friends, but I know DD may not be receptive to this. If DD is not receptive to ending bad friendship, start talking to her about what she thinks makes good friends and good relationships so she can figure out if this best friend is just bad news for her.

Absolutely not. I think with a written apology, the most likely thing to happen in this situation is that they still tell her it's not enough and then it will get quoted out of context, shared in social media, and blow up the thing even further out of proportion than it already is.

The friendship is over, much as OP's DD may try and try. The so-called BF is totally out of line and has crossed over into bullying. OP should talk with DD about how BF is not being a good friend. Good friends give each other grace. Maybe she did "make a face", who knows, but in that case a real BF might raise the issue, accept the apology and move on for goodness sake. This has been going on for months.

This! Do NOT have your daughter put anything in writing. Especially nothing admitting fault. That will just haunt her and give the other girls something tangible to basically blackmail her with.

Honestly best friend and the other girl sound terrible. They’re making your DD feel way too bad about what should have maybe been a 30 second issue. The whole concept of dating grossed me out still at 11. I’d probably have made a face too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Best friend is a lifetime friendship. They literally do not remember a time when they weren’t best friends. This is tearing my DD up. Best friend and her mom have been our family.

What does the mom say? If she isn't working on her end to get her kid to drop this, then I don't see a way forward other than just taking a break from this relationship. It sucks.

You’re in for a world of trouble in the next few years Do not encourage your daughter to stick with relationships just because of time or”family”. This is unhealthy. Once they hit their teen years, they will likely drift apart. Teach her to leave one sided relationships that aren’t serving he best interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Best friend is a lifetime friendship. They literally do not remember a time when they weren’t best friends. This is tearing my DD up. Best friend and her mom have been our family.

I understand that makes it so much harder but it’s still okay to take a break. Even with family, sometimes you need a little space when things get heated and emotions are not. My daughter has a best friend like that and I’ve learned it’s best to let things work themself out. They may or may not continue to be close in the teen years and beyond.

[Anonymous]

*emotions are hot

[Anonymous]

Um, i wonder if other girls family doesn't know she is gay. Maybe this would open up a can of worms. But either way, side eye to your "lifelong" friend who can't discuss this openly with you? Ridiculous.

Move on and give space for all of you. If my bestie could not talk to me about an issue with our girls other than "leave it" I wouldn't' think we were that close. Have you all talked about this aspect?

[Anonymous]

And sorry for multiple posts but absolutely no written apology. That will get posted online and come back to make things 1000% worse for your daughter. Do not be naive to think these 11 year olds do not have iPads or cells.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Best friend is a lifetime friendship. They literally do not remember a time when they weren’t best friends. This is tearing my DD up. Best friend and her mom have been our family.

What does the mom say? If she isn't working on her end to get her kid to drop this, then I don't see a way forward other than just taking a break from this relationship. It sucks.

You’re in for a world of trouble in the next few years Do not encourage your daughter to stick with relationships just because of time or”family”. This is unhealthy. Once they hit their teen years, they will likely drift apart. Teach her to leave one sided relationships that aren’t serving he best interests.

This. Maybe they can reconnect later. Or maybe not. Time to take a break.