Unexpected conversations
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Anonymous
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My DD is 11. At play date with her best friend and another girl, the other girl mentioned that she is gay and having issues with her girlfriend.
Both best friend and other girl allege that my DD “made a face” upon hearing this news. Best friend is demanding that my DD apologize and is telling her what to say and then criticizing the manner in which she is practicing saying it. At this point I have literally heard a couple of hours or more about this as best friend criticizes my DD and keeps telling her she “made a face” and that her apology doesn’t sound sincere. Tonight they were both crying with anger and frustration. DD has no contact information for the other girl and doesn’t even know her last name. Best friend’s mom says this is a delicate situation and very personal and to leave the other girl out of it and refuses to share contact info. How can DD apologize then? I have been trying to let DD and best friend work this out, but every playdate devolves into “you made a face and you have to apologize.” And as best I can tell, this happened at. Super Bowl party, so months ago. Advice? |
Anonymous
| It seems like your dd's best friend is enjoying carrying on the drama. If your dd reacted negatively to this girl (are you sure she did and if so has she told you why?) then she can only say she is sorry so many times... she is 11. I would talk to your dd and help her come up with the words to tell her best friend she is sorry for the way she reacted but they can't keep hashing it out and need to move on. If the best friend is unwilling to move on then then maybe you should suggest to your dd that they stop hanging out for a while. |
Anonymous
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What a mess. There is no answer tit his, instantly apologizing would have still gotten YOUR daughter bullied, and at this point of mess your daughter is also bullied.
We go to a super liberal social justice progressive school and kids are sent to the principals office nonstop for any and all comments. Not making a face accusations yet but I’m sure they’d lap up that too. Your daughter should say she meant no harm or judgment, and see if the other two girls /families will move on or believe that. If they don’t, make new friends because those are nuts and on a power trip of some sort. |
Anonymous
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This happened in Jan/Feb Super Bowl?
Your daughter’s friend is a mental case. Help your daughter make new friends elsewhere. I’d make a face too if some new 11 yo told me they were having GF or BF problems. |
Anonymous
| Time for new friends, OP |
Anonymous
| I’d coach my DD to tell her best friend “this is between me and the other girl, not you. You need to drop it. “ and I’d give my DD a big talk about what she’s getting out of this friendship at this point, and help her see she should focus on other friends. |
Anonymous
| Time for these girls to take a break from one another. |
Anonymous
| She is 11? The reaction seems age appropriTe |
Anonymous
| I don't know why you are involved OP. It sounds like a normal conflict. |
Anonymous
It’s normal for 11 year olds to be crying about something that happened months ago? |
Anonymous
This. And as an adult, I would think internally (though not make a face) if an 11yo girl told me she was having problems with her BF too. WTF |
Anonymous
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I’m really confused. Why is the best friend’s mom even involved in this and why is she saying “leave the other girl out of it.” It is a face your daughter (allegedly) made at the other girl, and her daughter is the that has nothing to do with this as well as her mom.
Does your daughter even see this other girl anymore? So they all go to school together? Personally I wouldn’t want my DD to be friends with either girls. They both sound mentally troubled |
Anonymous
I think OP talked to the mom to get the other girl’s info so her DD can apologize. Does DD feel eke needs to apologize? It’s unclear whether she thinks sue was wrong or is just being bullied by her friend. I am one of the people posting that the friendship has run its course but if your daughter is really determined to try to salvage it, I would suggest she write an apology to be delivered by best friend to the other girl and then tell best friend that she has apologized and is done talking about this situation. Better to move on with other friends, but I know DD may not be receptive to this. If DD is not receptive to ending bad friendship, start talking to her about what she thinks makes good friends and good relationships so she can figure out if this best friend is just bad news for her. |
Anonymous
This is still weird. Saying to leave the other girl out of it when your daughter is trying to apologize is an inappropriate response. Also, if you DD has no way of contacting this girl and doesn’t see her, I would just forget it |
Anonymous
It sounds like it is the DD’s best friend who is not forgetting it. That is the issue. |