can you maintain a relationship with family if your sibling is a mooch

[Anonymous]

Both of my siblings are like this. Neither works. Both live in houses my parents own. Both drive cars my parents bought.

It's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No mentally sound adult behaves like this OP.

50K a year is chicken change and not worth losing your dignity
Your brother probably has a mild mental disability that is difficult to notice/ diagnose.

50k a year is chicken change ??? Just wow.
For some people it would be a life changing amount of money. Every year.

Then they can work at McDonald's and change their lives.

They can work as nursing assistants and do so too.

50k is chicken change when you consider the humiliation and shame that comes with being a dependent adult without.Dependency on someone else always comes with strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Have a sibling like this. I remind myself I wouldn't change places but it's hard to watch the level of enabling.

[Anonymous]

You are jealous and it’s completely understandable. I am sorry your parents aren’t fair

[Anonymous]

My parents give my brother and his wife over 100 K a year and have probably given them
2 million total. They pay for really expensive private schools
For his kids, all of the bill for college. Summer camps. Large house down payment. My sister and I get maybe 10k a year and our kids go to public school. For me the hardest part is watching my brother and his wife swam around like they are aristocrats when their entire lifestyle including a stay at home
Wife is subsidized by my parents. In our situation my parents now need help
With caregiving and I would like to just tell them that I will visit every twentieth time, because clearly he is the favorite and the one they want to see. Also maybe the lady without a job could help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents give my brother and his wife over 100 K a year and have probably given them
2 million total. They pay for really expensive private schools
For his kids, all of the bill for college. Summer camps. Large house down payment. My sister and I get maybe 10k a year and our kids go to public school. For me the hardest part is watching my brother and his wife swam around like they are aristocrats when their entire lifestyle including a stay at home
Wife is subsidized by my parents. In our situation my parents now need help
With caregiving and I would like to just tell them that I will visit every twentieth time, because clearly he is the favorite and the one they want to see. Also maybe the lady without a job could help out.

I feel disgusted on your behalf by the favoritism!

Have you never talked to your parents about this?

If I were you I would back off now, live your life and let your mooching brother and his lazy wife deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a sibling like this. I remind myself I wouldn't change places but it's hard to watch the level of enabling.

x1000000

Free everything for a grown able bodied adult. GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents give my brother and his wife over 100 K a year and have probably given them
2 million total. They pay for really expensive private schools
For his kids, all of the bill for college. Summer camps. Large house down payment. My sister and I get maybe 10k a year and our kids go to public school. For me the hardest part is watching my brother and his wife swam around like they are aristocrats when their entire lifestyle including a stay at home
Wife is subsidized by my parents. In our situation my parents now need help
With caregiving and I would like to just tell them that I will visit every twentieth time, because clearly he is the favorite and the one they want to see. Also maybe the lady without a job could help out.

That’s a very different situation from OP, and I would resent that too. I guess in your situation l would feel like is getting $10k a year even worth maintaining a relationship with your parents. Your brother and SIL should do all the future caregiving because of the excessive favoritism.

[Anonymous]

I have a brother like this, and I admit I'm jealous. He is able-bodied but doesn't work and yet has every cable channel, satellite radio, orders takeout a lot, just a lot of everyday perks that I cannot afford and yet I am the one who has been working since I was 16yo. This isn't new. I worked all through college. He didn't and yet was able to afford joining a fraternity (I couldn't afford to rush). My parents gave him their old car a few years ago when his broke down. The unfairness and favoritism of it all bothers me, but mostly I wish they'd set up trusts for my kids for college rather than let my brother fritter away my father's hard-earned money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a sibling like this. I remind myself I wouldn't change places but it's hard to watch the level of enabling.

Same. And we are pressured to give money because parents does not have a lot and we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a brother like this, and I admit I'm jealous. He is able-bodied but doesn't work and yet has every cable channel, satellite radio, orders takeout a lot, just a lot of everyday perks that I cannot afford and yet I am the one who has been working since I was 16yo. This isn't new. I worked all through college. He didn't and yet was able to afford joining a fraternity (I couldn't afford to rush). My parents gave him their old car a few years ago when his broke down. The unfairness and favoritism of it all bothers me, but mostly I wish they'd set up trusts for my kids for college rather than let my brother fritter away my father's hard-earned money.

+1

Not to mention, free babysitting for years. Do you know what a babysitter costs these days.

Parent enabling DC --> Helpless adult.

Spoiled DC also tend to take advantage, across the board- and they also tend to be VERY ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a sibling like this. I remind myself I wouldn't change places but it's hard to watch the level of enabling.

Same. And we are pressured to give money because parents does not have a lot and we do.

+1

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a brother like this, and I admit I'm jealous. He is able-bodied but doesn't work and yet has every cable channel, satellite radio, orders takeout a lot, just a lot of everyday perks that I cannot afford and yet I am the one who has been working since I was 16yo. This isn't new. I worked all through college. He didn't and yet was able to afford joining a fraternity (I couldn't afford to rush). My parents gave him their old car a few years ago when his broke down. The unfairness and favoritism of it all bothers me, but mostly I wish they'd set up trusts for my kids for college rather than let my brother fritter away my father's hard-earned money.

Oh, but you asked about relationship, OP. My brother and I were quite close for many years post-college but as the "mooching" has gone on, it has put a strain on our relationship. I've pulled back. I keep in touch with my parents and visit them 3-4 times a year (summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas), but we're not close. I've brought up how they're enabling my brother. but that never goes well. They just throw up their hands and ask what they're supposed to do. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Stop drinking that poison of resentment. It’s not like you wish you were him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop drinking that poison of resentment. It’s not like you wish you were him.

I'm not the OP.

I'm sure OP doesn't wish to be like him, but what about the unfairness and the favoritism?
I would feel betrayed if my parents did this. And oh so angry.