Too many rules postpartum?

[Anonymous]

Reasonable: wait to have visitors, wash hands, sleep in a hotel, restrict kisses to the top of the head (if an active cold sore, no visit), shoes off in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 70+ yr old inlaws sleep on air mattresses? ??

My 80yo father slept on an air mattress last time he visited. I tried to get him an Airbnb but he refused. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reasonable: wait to have visitors, wash hands, sleep in a hotel, restrict kisses to the top of the head (if an active cold sore, no visit), shoes off in the house.

I would add to this and OP’s list: get TDAP vaccine before visiting especially baby is under 2 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reasonable: wait to have visitors, wash hands, sleep in a hotel, restrict kisses to the top of the head (if an active cold sore, no visit), shoes off in the house.

+1.

If you asked me to mask I would not come. But maybe that is your goal?

[Anonymous]

A few weeks into it, I would’ve welcomed Charles Manson into my home to hold my baby for as long as my nap took.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hotel sounds reasonable, everything else sounds like you are making up rules because you don’t really want them to come.

+1. It sounds like you’re stressed, don’t like DH’s family, and are trying to control everything. Let this go. Most people don’t want to kiss the baby on the face and post on social media. Just have the stay at a hotel and come for increments of time. And asking to take shoes off is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hotel sounds reasonable, everything else sounds like you are making up rules because you don’t really want them to come.

+1. It sounds like you’re stressed, don’t like DH’s family, and are trying to control everything. Let this go. Most people don’t want to kiss the baby on the face and post on social media. Just have the stay at a hotel and come for increments of time. And asking to take shoes off is reasonable.

Dude, have you met boomers, they trade social currency in FB posts about “their baby” (aka the grandkid). The amount of times I’ve had to remind my MIL to keep her crusty lips off my toddler’s face is too numerous to count.

[Anonymous]

Washing hands, sleeping in hotel (since your house is too small) and removing shoes are good, but those would be good rules even if you didn't have a baby.

You sound extremely anxious and I think you should watch this. I think you are unreasonable and have read too many scare monger articles. I've seen so many new moms spiral out of control. Postpartum anxiety is real and can be medicated.

I really enjoyed sharing my babies with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hotel sounds reasonable, everything else sounds like you are making up rules because you don’t really want them to come.

+1. It sounds like you’re stressed, don’t like DH’s family, and are trying to control everything. Let this go. Most people don’t want to kiss the baby on the face and post on social media. Just have the stay at a hotel and come for increments of time. And asking to take shoes off is reasonable.

Dude, have you met boomers, they trade social currency in FB posts about “their baby” (aka the grandkid). The amount of times I’ve had to remind my MIL to keep her crusty lips off my toddler’s face is too numerous to count.

+1 my brother and I have had to just make a blanket rule that my dad cannot post pictures of our kids on SM under any circumstances (even if we posted the same picture or our page) because he refuses to use any privacy settings on FB and anyone can see his full profile

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with almost all of your rules but you need to just set a 2-3 weeks timeline for a visit after you deliver.

Limit visits to X number of hours. Make it clear to DH that you are not hosting the parents. They are visiting.

Hand washing before touching or holding the baby. No kissing.

Stay in hotel.

Wait minimum 3 weeks so you guys can bond, you can begin recovery and have a better handle on nursing. Babies are still feeding on demand for awhile so this whole idea of they hold the baby unless being fed is ridiculous. Youll find that they will brush off hunger signs and say things like "oh this gal is just fussy" or "its good for babies to cry and test their lungs"....

hold your boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I didn't let anybody come over without flu/TDAP and this was pre-covid. Only very, very close family (grandparents, essentially) met her before 2 month shots, and then more after 4 month. All of this was pre-covid, and I would have no problem being stricter now. Nobody visits the first week, that's insane. I would simply say no to that - do not come in from another state before the 6 week mark, it will not be worth the travel because we won't be up for visitors or baby-holders until the 6 week mark.

Most importantly, drill this list and your concerns with DH, and make sure he knows it's *his* job to make sure his family isn't getting on your nerves. It's your job to recover from childbirth and try to establish breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know of any places that offer RSV and flu screening tests. You could certainly request that visitors have a flu vaccine, but if you live in an apartment…you are surrounded by people not vaccinated by flu every time you are in an elevator.

This. You can’t just get flu or RSV tests whenever you want. You need to have rules people can actually follow.

[Anonymous]

If I got this list I would think you are dealing with major unchecked and untreated anxiety. I’m a mom with a kid under 2, not a grandma.

I wouldn’t think your rules were unfair or anything. I would just think you were not coping with your anxiety at all.

[Anonymous]

I do think this is too many rules and being too rigid about rules, BUT

I really agree with your first rule because this is something that people can be really unrealistic about. Both my mom and my MIL were incredibly demanding about wanting to hold the baby and would actually speak sharply to me when I asked to take the baby back. My MIL once accused me of feeding the baby "too often" just to have an excuse to take the baby back (baby was a month old! we were feeding at normal intervals). Both of them said to me at one point that it was "unfair" for me to ask to hold the baby because "you get to hold her all the time."

I just think it's really rude to tell a woman who is within that 6 week postpartum period that she can't hold her own baby. It's selfish and cruel. A woman who recently gave birth should get to hold her baby whenever she wants.

So I'd stick with that rule and I'd encourage your DH to back you up, if you think it will be an issue.

The other stuff is too much. It's fine to set some of those boundaries, but sending people a list that long will just make them feel like you hate them and don't want them to see the baby at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think this is too many rules and being too rigid about rules, BUT

I really agree with your first rule because this is something that people can be really unrealistic about. Both my mom and my MIL were incredibly demanding about wanting to hold the baby and would actually speak sharply to me when I asked to take the baby back. My MIL once accused me of feeding the baby "too often" just to have an excuse to take the baby back (baby was a month old! we were feeding at normal intervals). Both of them said to me at one point that it was "unfair" for me to ask to hold the baby because "you get to hold her all the time."

I just think it's really rude to tell a woman who is within that 6 week postpartum period that she can't hold her own baby. It's selfish and cruel. A woman who recently gave birth should get to hold her baby whenever she wants.

So I'd stick with that rule and I'd encourage your DH to back you up, if you think it will be an issue.

The other stuff is too much. It's fine to set some of those boundaries, but sending people a list that long will just make them feel like you hate them and don't want them to see the baby at all.

Could not agree more with the holding the baby piece.