Too many rules postpartum?

[Anonymous]

Is this too much to ask of family? I'm not at all worried about friends or anyone else. Mostly DHs family. My family is a non issue (dead/estranged)

1. Yes if course they can hold baby but not for hours on end. They have made comments like we will just hold baby and hand them back over to feed. That doesn't work for me. Will I be exhausted of course. But if so DH would want to bond. Also our lactation consultant has advised after I get a little sleep- a nursing vacation - basically skin to skin in bed and if I'm napping out baby down in the bassinet or DH gets skin to skin.

We would like to breastfeed and as part of my work I know just how incredibly hard it can be. I also know/prepared for bringing to the chest every 2 hours/loads of skin to skin.

2. Masking for the first few weeks/months

3. Flu/RSV/covid test before visiting/ even if that means traveling here and waiting a few days before they see us. They would be flying up from Florida

In laws don't get the flu vac. They only have one covid vax. I know if I pressed it they would get them. But it's not just the vaccines. They are careless and they do not limit exposure or social distance.

4. No kissing baby on the face or hands

5. No social media - we don't use regularly and we aren't posting or sharing either

6. Asking them to stay at a hotel - not sure if that means we would need to pay for the hotel. Open to it

7. Random things like shoes off - which we are always reminding them of, wiping phones w alcohol wipes, washing hands

We live in a large 1 bedroom and when they have visited before they sleep in an air mattress in our living room. But I don't exactly want to worry about clothing/decency when I'm up all day/night trying to get the hang of nursing. Plus it's just a lot of people in a small space during a vulnerable time

A lot of these could be avoided if they just waited to meet baby. But they are digging in their heels to being here again from out of state week 1. They don't want to miss this stage.

I'm not trying to be unreasonable and we have a decent relationship they just don't understand some of this because it's not what they are used to in their daily lives.

[Anonymous]

Hotel sounds reasonable, everything else sounds like you are making up rules because you don’t really want them to come.

[Anonymous]

Hotel, shoes off and hand washing are just common sense. Our ped actually told us not to have people kiss baby’s face but top of head was ok.

The rest is…insanity.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you’ve read too many books and are the anxious type. Like so many on here.

[Anonymous]

No kissing and hotel are reasonable but this list is mostly ridiculous. Just tell them you don’t want to come.

[Anonymous]

You’re in a one bedroom apartment? And you’re worried about demanding a hotel? WTH is going on in your family? Hell to the no with anyone staying with you. Absolutely not. And they can pay for it. If they don’t like that, then they don’t visit.

[Anonymous]

What is your due date?

[Anonymous]

What does wiping their phones with alcohol wipes have to do with the baby? Wash hands before holding the baby and don’t visit if sick. That’s really all you need. No one is going to give them a flu or rsv test if they have no symptoms.

[Anonymous]

Your 70+ yr old inlaws sleep on air mattresses? ??

[Anonymous]

So you already have met with a LC before the baby is even born, and you are using phrases like “we would like to breastfeed.” You also seem to think you and DH are going to hold the baby skin to skin 24/7 for weeks? Months? Sanitizing their phones on your command?

I think it’s fine for your DH to tell them to wait a week then stay in a hotel. But most of the rest is just really controlling and I agree it’s obvious you don’t like them. Keep in my the baby is your husband’s too and these are his family that he is NOT estranged from.

[Anonymous]

I would not want full time visitors week one...even kind helpful ones. I would be tempted to not give them heads up when you are in labor and just call with ....guess what he is here! That will probably delay the visit a bit. Then, hotel 100% non negotiable. Play down the we will hold the baby all the time statements...remind them that establishing nursing is a full time job in the beginning and you will need to be with the baby. Send them out for food and other errands.

Also, know that things might not go according to plan. You might be recovering from a c section. Nursing might not be easy. They might actually be helpful at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 70+ yr old inlaws sleep on air mattresses? ??

DP here. Mine were mid 60’s when my babies were little and yes they slept on air mattresses in our basement to not pay for a hotel. They are multi millionaires. MIL skipped her only niece’s bridal shower because her sister (MOB) told her she couldn’t stay at the house.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone who responded to you. The one thing that jumped out at me was you saying that they can hold the baby for only as long as you say it is ok. First of all, I doubt they were literally talking about hours. It is a figure of speech! Just means they want to love their grandbaby!

[Anonymous]

Hotel, hand washing, and no social media are reasonable I think. And similarly, deciding when you are ready for guests (we did the first week alone before having people come when our first was born, and I liked having time to just settle in as a family of 3). The flu test stuff depends on when you’re due— if it’s during the summer, cases are probably low enough to not matter. It’s more reasonable during the winter

Some things don’t need to be rules up front. Holding the baby too long? “I am just going to take him and see if he’s hungry” (disappear and do whatever you want). The great thing about breastfeeding is that it’s an excuse to take the baby and just do whatever.

I also think you’re underestimating the power of sleep deprivation. It’s brutal, and you may be very grateful for hands to take a baby.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know of any places that offer RSV and flu screening tests. You could certainly request that visitors have a flu vaccine, but if you live in an apartment…you are surrounded by people not vaccinated by flu every time you are in an elevator.