How would you react: DH says he's "done working."
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Anonymous
| What are you getting out of this marriage op? Honest question. |
Anonymous
| I would find a therapist for myself if I were in your shoes. You need support and counseling on how to deal with this situation. |
Anonymous
| I would LOVE if my DH retired early. Y'all have your priorities way off. |
Anonymous
Really? And was grumpy and surly and contributed nothing in the way of domestic responsibilities? Bullshit. |
Anonymous
So you’d like your husband sitting around the house, cranky, depressed and contributing nothing except taking out the trash? Well, good for you for being a doormat. |
Anonymous
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I would tell my hsuband he had six months to get his mental health in order or I would be filing for divorce. And when he used that moment to yell that “I was the one with the problem,” I would say “ok, I will file ASAP.” I would make sure I had a lawyer all lined up to file before this conversation.
And this isn’t about the decision to retire early. It is about the decision to opt out of even attempting to be any sort of life partner. |
Anonymous
| He's being a terrible example to your children, and OP, you doing all the work for the family isn't a great example either, especially if you have a daughter. You need to demand change and if you are again refused, divorce. It's hard to see what your husband is bringing to the table. |
Anonymous
That’s absolutely crazy because people can live in to their 90s and you can run out of money and this person is in his early 40s. When my ex-husband was in his early 40s he had a three year-old. No, neither of us are retiring tell her 60s when our kids are in college. It’s financially stupid to not do anything in your early 40s. |
Anonymous
| Honestly OP you’d be entitled to half his pension (or whatever percentage he earned while you were married). I’d probably divorce him. It’s not his laziness, it’s the fact that once you lose respect for someone it’s almost impossible to get it back. |
Anonymous
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My DH retired at 38 and I love it but he’s a super involved dad and has a profitable side project.
Op, it sounds like a mental health issue for your DH. If he is in therapy, perhaps it’s not enough/not working? |
Anonymous
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What is there to love about someone like this, OP?
You loved him. Past tense. What a loser. See if he can agree to seeing someone and figuring out if this is depression. Otherwise, it's over. |
Anonymous
With all due respect, side work and a SAHD to young kids is not retirement in any shape or form. |
Anonymous
What is your point? |
Anonymous
Sure. But he should keep the house clean, make dinner most nights, handle the kids' medical appointments and absences, do the shopping, plan most vacations, and be pleasant to be around most of the time. |
Anonymous
Did you read the OP? The issue isn't that her DH retired early, it's that he's angry, unhelpful, scattered, and mean. My DH is planning to retire at 52 but has a more substantial pension coming than OP's husband, and I STILL worry a bit about him getting depressed and having trouble filling his days. He already struggles to find hobbies and maintain friendships because he's very passive. If he can find a way to be productive (even if he's not making money, I'm not so worried about that, though I do hope he takes the need to get our DC through college seriously because I think he still thinks of that very theoretically at the moment and it's not) and is happy and adjusted, I'll be glad for him. But I absolutely worry that he'll wind up behaving like OP's DH. It's not acceptable. I get being thrilled to retire after years of hard work, but you don't get to just stop having ANY responsibilities if you want to maintain a marriage and be a father to your kids. You no longer owe your employer anything but you still owe your family, especially with minor kids in the house. It just sounds exceedingly selfish. |