Less Selective College but the right fit?

[Anonymous]

Rankings matter to some extent, in the sense that they reflect the academic and other opportunities. If you want to learn physics, you'll learn more at Caltech than a branch of a regional state school with limited course offerings. But if we're talking a slight difference, definitely go with the better fit.

[Anonymous]

My DD had this choice, and went with the best fit. It took her time to wrap her head around "rejecting" colleges her peers and college counselor thought were amazing, especially when she had friends who were rejected from places she got in. I suggested she pick a school each day and mentally say that's where she was going. Then at the end of the day, see how she felt. That ended up giving her a lot of insight into how she really felt about each school and how she saw herself there.

She also graduated from HS in '21 and I put some emphasis on where she saw herself being happiest/most content/feeling successful since her mental health had been significantly affected by the entire experience of covid.

She is thrilled with her choice. It was the right one for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to the admitted students day at both schools with an open mind. How far apart in rankings are we talking? My DC is in at a private school ranked around 40 (well known in major), but really prefers a public school admitted to that ranks around 120. I feel pretty strongly DC should go with the higher ranked school. DC likes both schools and likes the social scene, football games, etc. at the lower ranked school.

Please let your DC pick themselves! Don't keep mentioning the "rankings" It is their college experience and anyone who can get admitted to ~#40 is smart and motivated and will do well anywhere they go. But they will do best where they are happiest. Imagine if you force them to pick ~#40 and they are miserable--they will blame you forever and that would not be the type of relationship I'd want with my kid

[Anonymous]

Ask her why she thinks she should like the more prestigious school. If it's because she and all of her friends think it's supposedly going to lead to a better life than the less selective school, have her read the essay below and look at relevant lists on this website. This helped my kid and some of her friends see that they'll be fine whichever of their colleges they choose.

https://lesshighschoolstress.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to the admitted students day at both schools with an open mind. How far apart in rankings are we talking? My DC is in at a private school ranked around 40 (well known in major), but really prefers a public school admitted to that ranks around 120. I feel pretty strongly DC should go with the higher ranked school. DC likes both schools and likes the social scene, football games, etc. at the lower ranked school.

Please let your DC pick themselves! Don't keep mentioning the "rankings" It is their college experience and anyone who can get admitted to ~#40 is smart and motivated and will do well anywhere they go. But they will do best where they are happiest. Imagine if you force them to pick ~#40 and they are miserable--they will blame you forever and that would not be the type of relationship I'd want with my kid

But did you read the part where I said DC preferred the lower ranked school because of the football games, social scene, etc at a big state school? You think this is a valid reason to prefer one school over another when they are so vastly apart on the rankings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to the admitted students day at both schools with an open mind. How far apart in rankings are we talking? My DC is in at a private school ranked around 40 (well known in major), but really prefers a public school admitted to that ranks around 120. I feel pretty strongly DC should go with the higher ranked school. DC likes both schools and likes the social scene, football games, etc. at the lower ranked school.

Please let your DC pick themselves! Don't keep mentioning the "rankings" It is their college experience and anyone who can get admitted to ~#40 is smart and motivated and will do well anywhere they go. But they will do best where they are happiest. Imagine if you force them to pick ~#40 and they are miserable--they will blame you forever and that would not be the type of relationship I'd want with my kid

But did you read the part where I said DC preferred the lower ranked school because of the football games, social scene, etc at a big state school? You think this is a valid reason to prefer one school over another when they are so vastly apart on the rankings?

yes, I did read that. So your smart kid wants a less stressful environment and wants to enjoy college and experience the "big state school" sports environment and social scene. That appears where they will be happiest. Maybe they are sick of you pushing them to the brink for the last 4-8 years. Perhaps they only applied to #40 because you pushed them to and they never really wanted to attend there or liked that school.
IMO, I'd rather my kid do well in school and be happy than attend a higher ranked school. I don't want to be the reason my kid is miserable or worse, commits suicide due to me micromanaging them and stressing them out.
I don't get caught up in the rankings. our kids are under a lot of pressure and I would want my kid to succeed in life, and that includes being happy, not me having bragging rights that they attended a "top ranked university"

So I'll say it again, if you force your kid to attend what you view as the best choice and they are miserable, they will blame you and your relationship will forever be changed. It will be difficult to repair. Sure your kid might graduate from #40, but they may not be happy, may not have done as well academically as they would have at their choice and they might distance themselves from you once out of college and on their own financially, as they might be sick of you forcing them to do what you want. If that's what you want for your kid, sure push them to go where you think is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Malcolm Gladwell gave a talk about this. He suggests that students choose the less selective school. https://youtu.be/7J-wCHDJYmo

Doing the opposite of what Malcolm Gladwell recommends is usually for the best.

[Anonymous]

Fortunately my kid is not a prestige chaser. Selecting the school that was less selective, yet a far better fit, was the easy choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so vague.

What are the schools, majors, and other criterion

She has been specific about the nature of the dilemma.

She did not ask for your opinion on which school to go to.

It's not specific enough at all.

She asked for opinions from random people like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so vague.

What are the schools, majors, and other criterion

She has been specific about the nature of the dilemma.

She did not ask for your opinion on which school to go to.

LOL ! Pot calling kettle....

[Anonymous]

I just have a jr but we see this choice developing. There’s a school ranked around 100 that we all think might be a good fit socially for DS who is a bit of a late bloomer socially. It also is well known for a program that he’s interested in. It’s smaller so people often won’t have heard of it, while we don’t know how things will shake out DS is likely to be accepted to not top ranked schools, but schools in the 20-50 range.

It’s a dilemma - as a parent I’m trying to really tamp down on the need for prestige, etc… but DS wonders if his earning potential, career options will be affected and those are reasonable considerations. We have more time but are thinking this through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child has been accepted into a college with a less selective ranking. She likes the school, it's a good fit and she was awarded considerable merit aid. She was also accepted into a more selective college and program. It's not as good of a fit. Older campus and not exactly the type of location she feels comfortable living in.

I've told her to go with her gut but she's struggling that she feels like she *should* like the more selective/prestigious school.

Any tips? I'm basically trying to guide her to where she will be happy but even I'm wondering how much I should push.

Really depends upon the particular schools, her likely major/career goals, and school's placement into that industry. Some students find that attending a less competitive school is not challenging enough because it lacks academic rigor and academically capable, motivated students. This is why scholarship students are usually part of the honors college at large state universities--so they can enjoy the best of both worlds.

OP: Really need more specific information about your daughter's options in order to be able to offer advice.

[Anonymous]

My kid picked a more selective(lower acceptance rate) but lower ranked school at #49(by USN&WR) at the time which was better fit over higher ranked schools #30 #37.

[Anonymous]

Not enough people talk about the importance of fit. Too many people on here are obsessed with kids who go to Harvard or Princeton or Duke or wherever without questioning fit and environment. But the vast majority of kids find other schools they love and go on to have nice careers afterwards, so focus on the school that feels right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just have a jr but we see this choice developing. There’s a school ranked around 100 that we all think might be a good fit socially for DS who is a bit of a late bloomer socially. It also is well known for a program that he’s interested in. It’s smaller so people often won’t have heard of it, while we don’t know how things will shake out DS is likely to be accepted to not top ranked schools, but schools in the 20-50 range.

It’s a dilemma - as a parent I’m trying to really tamp down on the need for prestige, etc… but DS wonders if his earning potential, career options will be affected and those are reasonable considerations. We have more time but are thinking this through.

Prestige should not be a deciding factor. Ability to grow, learn, and be recruited for a desirable job should be of more concern.