Less Selective College but the right fit?

[Anonymous]

My child has been accepted into a college with a less selective ranking. She likes the school, it's a good fit and she was awarded considerable merit aid. She was also accepted into a more selective college and program. It's not as good of a fit. Older campus and not exactly the type of location she feels comfortable living in.

I've told her to go with her gut but she's struggling that she feels like she *should* like the more selective/prestigious school.

Any tips? I'm basically trying to guide her to where she will be happy but even I'm wondering how much I should push.

[Anonymous]

Obviously if you've been on this board for any length of time, it's not always about rankings. Plenty of kids end up going to the higher ranked school and then in the fall we see tons of "transfer?" posts on this board. Unless it's a totally a crap school, then its fine. Its really all about the work she puts in and if she will be happy there, then she will get what she needs out of it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she is picking her new home.

She should not base her decision on what others think. That is not a good formula for a happy life.

he should trust her feelings and ability to make judgements.

My child picked her lowest ranked school, out of 7 admissions. Based upon fit.

I now know it was the right choice for her. She blossomed there. Emerged as a star (which she was not in high school). The recommendations and internships set her up very nicely for the next phase of her life.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a similar situation with 3 options and went with the more selective school that was the same cost as the less selective with better "fit" but opted against the expensive dream school. So essentially the 'middle option.' The costs between the more selective and the better fit were about the same for us (one was private with considerable merit aid, one was public in-state). My guess is both would have been fine for him.

What we did was just the usual advantages and disadvantages chart. For something like cost, I mapped out for him how to think about the numbers. The dream school would mean he would take on debt, the other he wouldn't--so I took the interest rates at the time, we looked at salary outcomes across the different schools.

For other things, we tried to get concrete on the aspect of "fit" of the other school and put them in the chart. Then he just sat with it and made a decision. It was a close call and I would have gone with the "better fit" school myself, but it's most important that while you help your kid think through the options, that they make and own the decision.

It worked out--DC is set to graduate this year and loved his college experience.

[Anonymous]

It's a legitimate issue, OP. Kids and parents feel the pull of the prestige/bragging rights and subconsciously want to impress others. Truth is, however, (and it's really hard to have this inner strength), that when everyone goes to school next fall, the prestige factor isn't going to matter at all... and if a kid is unhappy, they are going to spend their first year figuring out where they can transfer to and how fast they can get out of the place that they never really wanted.

I've seen it happen. Excellent student, parents really proud, 1000% bought into the parent-supporter group and how great school X was. Kid goes to school X, and realizes she is in the wrong place. Hustles around and goes to a much MUCH lower ranked school, but in NYC where she really wants to be. Happiness reigns.

It takes a good sense of self to shrug off all the peer pressure during senior year of HS. But, if she doesn't do it now... she'll end up listening to her true self next year, and then end up transferring.

[Anonymous]

We might be in that position come April. Your child needs to take her time to think it through, and whatever she decides will be the right choice for her. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

my kid was in that situation last year and picked the lower ranked school and I have never seen them so happy. They have friends who decided to go the other route and many are miserable.

Pick the school that is right for you, not your parents, not so you can say you went to XYZ. happiness and health over quality of education every time.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could offer a cite, but I recall reading something to the effect that kids ultimately have better outcomes by being among the top students in mid-level institution than by being among the lower half of students in top-ranked institutions.

For whatever that's worth. I can't remember anything about what they were calling "better outcomes" or how they divided top ranked institutions from other sorts of institutions.

But, it makes some intuitive sense that succeeding in a good place is going to give you more momentum in life than struggling in a great place.

[Anonymous]

This is so vague.

What are the schools, majors, and other criterion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child has been accepted into a college with a less selective ranking. She likes the school, it's a good fit and she was awarded considerable merit aid. She was also accepted into a more selective college and program. It's not as good of a fit. Older campus and not exactly the type of location she feels comfortable living in.

I've told her to go with her gut but she's struggling that she feels like she *should* like the more selective/prestigious school.

Any tips? I'm basically trying to guide her to where she will be happy but even I'm wondering how much I should push.

Have an honest discussion with her that rankings do NOT matter that much. She needs to be happy for 4 years at college and FIT is extremely important. A kid who likes where they are and is happy will do so much better than one struggling at a school. Also, merit is huge. Talk about the benefits of significant merit aid. This would leave the door open for more easily paying for grad school if you don't have huge loans from undergrad.

[Anonymous]

My kid picked more selective but ranked lower

[Anonymous]

Malcolm Gladwell gave a talk about this. He suggests that students choose the less selective school. https://youtu.be/7J-wCHDJYmo

[Anonymous]

OP, you're a great parent for understanding the tension here and supporting your daughter's health and happiness without wanting to push the decision. I hope she chooses the best school for her based on fit. The rest is immaterial. Good luck to you both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so vague.

What are the schools, majors, and other criterion

She has been specific about the nature of the dilemma.

She did not ask for your opinion on which school to go to.

[Anonymous]

Go to the admitted students day at both schools with an open mind. How far apart in rankings are we talking? My DC is in at a private school ranked around 40 (well known in major), but really prefers a public school admitted to that ranks around 120. I feel pretty strongly DC should go with the higher ranked school. DC likes both schools and likes the social scene, football games, etc. at the lower ranked school.