Why isn’t divorce justified if my wife lets herself slide or withholds?

[Anonymous]

Buddy, no fault divorce has been around a longtime now. You don't have to justify it -- just get a divorce. If you have kids, assume you'll need to do joint custody and may need to pay support if you are the higher earner.

This is very much exactly what you signed up for. The details of your relationship are for you and your wife to figure out, if you can't, split up. No one else cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can divorce for any reason. Just go do it and stop complaining.

This. You’re not doing your partner any favors right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buddy, no fault divorce has been around a longtime now. You don't have to justify it -- just get a divorce. If you have kids, assume you'll need to do joint custody and may need to pay support if you are the higher earner.

This is very much exactly what you signed up for. The details of your relationship are for you and your wife to figure out, if you can't, split up. No one else cares.

+1

[Anonymous]

Go ahead and get divorced then. You don't need to justify it to anyone. It sounds like maybe your conscience is bothering you, or you don't want your social status or finances to be impacted? But that's the way it goes.

Ask yourself if you have truly earned her affection and her intimacy. Ask yourself if anyone's entitled to health and good looks for themselves or their family members. Ask yourself if you have truly supported her need for sleep and for time in which to take care of herself.

[Anonymous]

It's not justified because she probably has good reasons for her choices and how her body is.

Have you considered trying to become a person she respects and wants to spend time with? It might help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's wrong to feel entitled to somebody else's body for the sake of your own gratification. Also the reason you wife is "letting herself slide" and "withholding" is because she doesn't want to look cute for or have sex with somebody who feels entitled to her body for his own gratification. You're not treating her like her own person with her own desires, feelings, etc.

As for divorce being justified, I dunno. Depends on how many innocents will be hurt by the divorce.

I’m a woman but I loathe this stance. Of course his wife should be treated like her own person, and likewise, she should be intimate with her husband; it’s part of marriage and if it’s not happening, it’s time for counseling. Nobody should be forced to endure a sexless marriage. And I say this as someone who lost my drive and struggle with this in my own marriage.

He may not be entitled to her body, but he’s entitled to divorce. The part about “letting herself go” does rub me the wrong way, though.

[Anonymous]

Don’t blame your wife for your marriage not working out. In most cases both people have made mistakes. You have contempt for her. That’s reason enough for her to file as well. Your kids will be better off if you don’t accuse each other of being at fault or being one more at fault than the other.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by "justified?" She can not have sex with you for whatever reasons she wants. You can get a divorce because we don't live in the 1950s anymore. Other people can have opinions about these things.

[Anonymous]

"I'm entitled to sex with you and also you're fat and messy" is the least loving thing you could say. It's also the least romantic, and the least likely to improve your marriage and result in having sex. Really, what would you expect from saying things like that? When men act like this it makes me think they're just awful selfish people with no social skills and no empathy. Just get divorced already, your wife will be better off without you.

[Anonymous]

Next time include a prenup for weight to hold them accoutable

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2317173/How-relationship-contracts-growing-popularity-Sex-twice-week-I-agree-stay-120lbs.html#ixzz2VFiohPHp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would she say about you?

Do you think you’ll find attractive women willing to sleep with you if you divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's wrong to feel entitled to somebody else's body for the sake of your own gratification. Also the reason you wife is "letting herself slide" and "withholding" is because she doesn't want to look cute for or have sex with somebody who feels entitled to her body for his own gratification. You're not treating her like her own person with her own desires, feelings, etc.

As for divorce being justified, I dunno. Depends on how many innocents will be hurt by the divorce.

I’m a woman but I loathe this stance. Of course his wife should be treated like her own person, and likewise, she should be intimate with her husband; it’s part of marriage and if it’s not happening, it’s time for counseling. Nobody should be forced to endure a sexless marriage. And I say this as someone who lost my drive and struggle with this in my own marriage.

He may not be entitled to her body, but he’s entitled to divorce. The part about “letting herself go” does rub me the wrong way, though.

Jesus you are ridiculous move to Missouri with the other hand maids

[Anonymous]

It's not 1950 (yet) so you don't have to justify a divorce OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's wrong to feel entitled to somebody else's body for the sake of your own gratification. Also the reason you wife is "letting herself slide" and "withholding" is because she doesn't want to look cute for or have sex with somebody who feels entitled to her body for his own gratification. You're not treating her like her own person with her own desires, feelings, etc.

As for divorce being justified, I dunno. Depends on how many innocents will be hurt by the divorce.

I’m a woman but I loathe this stance. Of course his wife should be treated like her own person, and likewise, she should be intimate with her husband; it’s part of marriage and if it’s not happening, it’s time for counseling. Nobody should be forced to endure a sexless marriage. And I say this as someone who lost my drive and struggle with this in my own marriage.

He may not be entitled to her body, but he’s entitled to divorce. The part about “letting herself go” does rub me the wrong way, though.

Jesus you are ridiculous move to Missouri with the other hand maids

DP and as psycho feminist as they come but I agree. No woman should be pressured into s3x. No woman should be forced into s3x. But those two central truisms are not incompatible with another truth, 'barring specific exceptional circumstances, people enter into marriage with the expectation of having regular s3x and not having s3x with your spouse will likely lead to a significant degradation in the quality of the relationship, up to and including divorce'.

'No one should have to endure a sexless marriage' is directly compatible with 'no one should be forced to have sex they don't want to have'. Both mean that both parties in the relationship have agency and can advocate for their own needs. Both mean that all relationships are voluntary, as they should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's wrong to feel entitled to somebody else's body for the sake of your own gratification. Also the reason you wife is "letting herself slide" and "withholding" is because she doesn't want to look cute for or have sex with somebody who feels entitled to her body for his own gratification. You're not treating her like her own person with her own desires, feelings, etc.

As for divorce being justified, I dunno. Depends on how many innocents will be hurt by the divorce.

I’m a woman but I loathe this stance. Of course his wife should be treated like her own person, and likewise, she should be intimate with her husband; it’s part of marriage and if it’s not happening, it’s time for counseling. Nobody should be forced to endure a sexless marriage. And I say this as someone who lost my drive and struggle with this in my own marriage.

He may not be entitled to her body, but he’s entitled to divorce. The part about “letting herself go” does rub me the wrong way, though.

Jesus you are ridiculous move to Missouri with the other hand maids

DP and as psycho feminist as they come but I agree. No woman should be pressured into s3x. No woman should be forced into s3x. But those two central truisms are not incompatible with another truth, 'barring specific exceptional circumstances, people enter into marriage with the expectation of having regular s3x and not having s3x with your spouse will likely lead to a significant degradation in the quality of the relationship, up to and including divorce'.

'No one should have to endure a sexless marriage' is directly compatible with 'no one should be forced to have sex they don't want to have'. Both mean that both parties in the relationship have agency and can advocate for their own needs. Both mean that all relationships are voluntary, as they should be.

Someone shouldn't have to have sex with someone who's being a jerk to them, though. Saying it's part of marriage comes with the implication that it's a functional marriage, where people are reasonably nice to one another and try to get along. When that degrades, sex diminishes too, because they're connected. That's a big part of OP's problem I believe.