Would you drop this competitive mom friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Yes, drop her. Just ghost and don't explain. I have known people like that, very few, but they never improve. Never. And the kids are no picnic either.

[Anonymous]

No need to hang out outside of school events. At school events, be nice and friendly, but try to move on to talking to other parents. When she says something outlandish, laugh in her face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need to hang out outside of school events. At school events, be nice and friendly, but try to move on to talking to other parents. When she says something outlandish, laugh in her face.

This might cure her if she has a seed of self-awareness, but you'd have to be consistent in giving her outlandish brags the laughs they deserve. She could be too far gone to pick up on the fact that she sounds ridiculous, in which case at least it feels good to laugh.

[Anonymous]

I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

Why are you posting about your kid’s’ accomplishments, presumably on social media, to the extent that it’s alienating people? Truly, what are you standing to gain from it? I can guarantee that it’s some form of attention and you prob deserve this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

Posting your kids online is bad parenting, regardless of whether they're talented or talentless turds. People are so naive about the dangers, but hey, anything for that brag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

Why are you posting about your kid’s’ accomplishments, presumably on social media, to the extent that it’s alienating people? Truly, what are you standing to gain from it? I can guarantee that it’s some form of attention and you prob deserve this.

+1 It's scary how much personal information people leak without realizing it. A mom at my child's school posts tons of pics of her kids and house and car on IG, and without knowing anything else about this family, I was able to find their address from Google satellite maps just because of some distinctive feature in their back yard that is easily spotted from the aerial view. On top of that, anyone can quickly deduce where she works and where their older child goes to high school just from stuff that appears in the background of all the pics taken inside the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

Why are you posting about your kid’s’ accomplishments, presumably on social media, to the extent that it’s alienating people? Truly, what are you standing to gain from it? I can guarantee that it’s some form of attention and you prob deserve this.

+1 It's scary how much personal information people leak without realizing it. A mom at my child's school posts tons of pics of her kids and house and car on IG, and without knowing anything else about this family, I was able to find their address from Google satellite maps just because of some distinctive feature in their back yard that is easily spotted from the aerial view. On top of that, anyone can quickly deduce where she works and where their older child goes to high school just from stuff that appears in the background of all the pics taken inside the house.

Well, I can “deduce” all this about the families at my kids’ school from a quick look at the school directory. I agree parents shouldn’t share personal info about their kids online, but not because FB/Insta connections might find out where they live. That’s easy for anyone with internet access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you insecure OP? You sound insecure.

Wondering the same. You don’t need to crowd source this here. She’s rude and you know what to do. Just do it and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait until her daughter signs up for soccer (or really any sport) NO KID will be better faster stronger than hers.
Watch out

I have a mom friend like this - her daughter is smart and good at sports but so are a lot of kids, however this mom is all in on telling everyone about it. I find it annoying however I also find this person can be really fun, authentic about parenting challenges, etc. Overall I really like her but have come to recognize that I 1) cannot sit next to her at sports events because her level of involvement and her perspective of her daughter's play drive me nuts and 2) she is going to make comments about her kid's smarts. I think she thinks my kid is somewhere in the general smart range and she feels like she is commenting between two smart kid parents but it is still annoying.

That being said I'm sure I have traits that annoy the hell out of people who are friends with me. Will we be best friends? No. Will I dump her? Also no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

Why are you posting about your kid’s’ accomplishments, presumably on social media, to the extent that it’s alienating people? Truly, what are you standing to gain from it? I can guarantee that it’s some form of attention and you prob deserve this.

+1. I mean, if your kid wins states in running or soccer in HS, playing at Carnegie Hall, or getting into Harvard I could see posting... but Jenny making the travel basketball team in 5th grade or Todd making it into the regional spelling B? No, I wouldn't post anything. Life is short PP and your kids will peak eventually and the other kids will bloom while your kids will wither and then the shoe will be on the other foot and you will feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

Lol

[Anonymous]

You lost me at Larla. Jesus. Just use a fake effing name.

[Anonymous]

I have this issue only it's not my friend, it's her husband. She wouldn't do this and will sometimes even pointedly tell her DH to stop, but he does it ALL THE TIME and it's so irritating. He also asks weirdly pointed questions because he's so competitive and he wants to make sure his kids are "the best" at whatever it is. So he'll interrogate us about exactly what our kids eat or our morning routines or whatever. It's nosy and it's definitely not just curiosity or he's hoping for a good idea. He's checking to make sure their family come out on top.

I honestly don't know what to do. In OP's situation I'd 100% drop the friend -- who needs that. But in my case I like my friend and I know she has some self-awareness about his behavior and makes an effort to curb it, but it's had no impact. Obviously sometimes I just hang out with her, and when we do family hangouts, I mostly avoid him or just demure when he talks/asks about kid and choose not to share things about my own kid so as not to get dragged in. But it still irks me.

Recently she and I had a girls night in at her place, just talking and drinking tea. Lovely night, she's a wonderful friend. Then he came home from some outing and I had a four minute conversation with him as I was leaving and THAT is what wound up sticking with me from the night because he's so grating.

It's such a bummer because she's terrific. Also, his behavior rubs off on their kids and his oldest is competitive and combative. Our kids are still good friends but increasingly my DD will come to me to tell me about something their daughter said to her and while I can field it fine (learning to deal with competitive people is part of life, especially in this area), I worry it will get worse and I don't want to start disliking this kid I've watched grow up and who has been a good friend of my DD's for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I've lost friends because of my smart kids. It's not my fault my kids are smarter than average. I don't brag, it's just obvious when I post about them, it above what other kids are doing in academics and music. Find your tribe OP. I mostly have friends are the status as me now. No competition, just moms sharing.

No, you lost them because you brag about your kids on social media. And the fact that you refer to YOUR friends as the same "status" as YOU because you all have such genius kids is pretty telling.