Would you drop this competitive mom friend?
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Anonymous
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Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.
I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it. Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids. |
Anonymous
I'd have dropped her right then. But it's clear you don't really like her and the friendship isn't especially healthy, so no, you're not under any obligation to stay friends. |
Anonymous
| You don’t have to do anything dramatic just stop hanging out. |
Anonymous
Wait until her daughter signs up for soccer (or really any sport) NO KID will be better faster stronger than hers. Watch out |
Anonymous
No one should shame you for that. But yes your kids should be putting their own clothes away at 8. Raise them to help themselves. |
Anonymous
+1 I would definitely distance myself and master vague responses to her bragging. She is NOT going to get any better. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| To each his own. My kids read HP starting in 1st but here I am, still helping them fold their laundry as teens because they’ve got so much going on. I don’t boast about my kids, yet I do share certain things they do when it’s really eventful. My friends choose not to view it as a competition, and neither should you. Your friend doesn’t realize her comments are coming across as condescending and rude. Just distance yourself. |
Anonymous
| Oh god 21 |
Anonymous
| Either drop her or have a conversation with her about this dynamic and see if anything changes. It's a long shot, and I am not suggesting you "need" to try to resolve it with her, but continuing "as is" would not be an option for me. |
Anonymous
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Drop her, OP. Not worth your time. It doesn’t have to be a big screaming blowout, just disengage.
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Anonymous
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Disengage.
Totally not worth it. |
Anonymous
| Are you insecure OP? You sound insecure. |
Anonymous
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My 10 year old can't even tie his shoes, needs me to set a timer to read anything that doesn't have a wimpy kid or a big nate in it, and only puts clothes away under extreme duress. I avoid being shamed for this or feeling bad about my parenting by simply not discussing my kids in personal detail much with my friends, even if they have kids too. I find other things to talk about! Books, movies, travel, the poop smell in the air...sure, they bring up their kids but it's easy enough to steer conversation to something low stakes like what's something funny they did or what's a word you wish they still mispronounced.
Maybe this is an art practiced by special needs parents if they want any hope of positively interacting with other parents ever again. Anyway I still feel bad sometimes but it helps! |
Anonymous
I put away mine through HS after doing the laundry (gasp!) Did not impact DS' ability to do laundry at college and keep his closet and drawers shockingly organized for a guy at college. |