Should one notorious girl in a grade deter us from applying there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would deter me. Not necessarily out of fear for the specific child, but because any school culture that produces a "notorious girl" about whom kids and other families hear despite not even currently attending the school is not for us.

Yup. Not underestimating bullying as a teen but this is still a child. Can you imagine that the parents are honestly gossiping this much about a child? Who are the adults here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A school that DD is very interested in (for HS) has a student who is notorious in soccer and social circles for being a complete bully. To the point that friends of DD are considering avoiding applying to a school where the bully attends based on avoiding this girl. We've heard horror stories about her as well, and DD would wind up playing school soccer with her at least if she were to attend.

Would you avoid a school based on one horrible kid?

I’m confused. Are you saying your daughter is currently in seventh grade and thinking of applying to the school for ninth grade or applying for next year? Are you looking down the road two years away? I’m curious what the school is. Is the mom also a bully? I suspect yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes if it’s a small school. Does your DD play soccer?

yes. The school isn't that small - but is all girls.

I would hope to like a different school much better than the above one. Life’s to short and DC area private schools don’t do much about a bully or dysfunctional mean student. Sure they’ll bring them in the principals office a few times a year but NOTHING CHANGES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would deter me. Not necessarily out of fear for the specific child, but because any school culture that produces a "notorious girl" about whom kids and other families hear despite not even currently attending the school is not for us.

Yup. Not underestimating bullying as a teen but this is still a child. Can you imagine that the parents are honestly gossiping this much about a child? Who are the adults here?

After 3, 4,5,6 years of concerns and no changes, you bet the parent community is talking about that one girl, her parent(s), as well as the teachers and admin who have don’t nothing effective to date. Teachers who toe the line about how “everything is fine” aren’t serving anyone well either.

[Anonymous]

If I were able to redo my OC school experience, i absolutely would, not because of academics or college admission, but because of the toxic social groups that existed at their school. I certainly wouldn't underestimate the influence of one known child and the culture she creates. That being said, that child could be considering transferring as well if they are going into HS, so there are no guarantees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

OP - do NOT do this. It’s crazy. PP that suggested this - What do you think admissions and HOS are going to do in response to a conversation like this? The only thing that will be accomplished is that there will be a red flag by OP’s name; no HOS wants someone bringing drama to their school. Complaining before you are even admitted? Oh DCUM, don’t ever change!

Then they don’t let the student in. I think you’d be surprised what parents say to admissions staff. I’d certainly think long and hard about what to say. But it’s better than wasting your energy fretting that you’re stuck in a bad situation. Don’t be so passive on what matters to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

+1 I don't think it would deter me from applying but it might deter me from enrolling.

But what's the point of that then? Put yourself through the process knowing you won't go?

A lot could happen between now and decision day. The other student could leave the school. OP could hear that she has a miraculous turn around or the school could intervene in an effective way.

[Anonymous]

Yes. One bully can ruin a grade in a small school.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we were careful to avoid schools where the kids who bullied our son were applying. I don't care how prestigious a school is; it isn't worth if if your child can't be themselves and develop a healthy sense of self-worth during these important developmental years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

+1 I don't think it would deter me from applying but it might deter me from enrolling.

But what's the point of that then? Put yourself through the process knowing you won't go?

A lot could happen between now and decision day. The other student could leave the school. OP could hear that she has a miraculous turn around or the school could intervene in an effective way.

Wishful, fanciful thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

OP - do NOT do this. It’s crazy. PP that suggested this - What do you think admissions and HOS are going to do in response to a conversation like this? The only thing that will be accomplished is that there will be a red flag by OP’s name; no HOS wants someone bringing drama to their school. Complaining before you are even admitted? Oh DCUM, don’t ever change!

I wouldn't say "I hear Larla's a real B and if she's at the school there's no way I'm sending my precious snowflake!" But I would say, "I love x/y/z and about the Briarwood School for Exceptional Girls. My one area of concern is the social dynamics in the Grade x class." and then see how they respond. If they rejected my kid based on that conversation, that would be okay because clearly the school was not a good fit for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

OP - do NOT do this. It’s crazy. PP that suggested this - What do you think admissions and HOS are going to do in response to a conversation like this? The only thing that will be accomplished is that there will be a red flag by OP’s name; no HOS wants someone bringing drama to their school. Complaining before you are even admitted? Oh DCUM, don’t ever change!

I wouldn't say "I hear Larla's a real B and if she's at the school there's no way I'm sending my precious snowflake!" But I would say, "I love x/y/z and about the Briarwood School for Exceptional Girls. My one area of concern is the social dynamics in the Grade x class." and then see how they respond. If they rejected my kid based on that conversation, that would be okay because clearly the school was not a good fit for us.

Likely to reject you when they realized you've posted such specific information on a forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A school that DD is very interested in (for HS) has a student who is notorious in soccer and social circles for being a complete bully. To the point that friends of DD are considering avoiding applying to a school where the bully attends based on avoiding this girl. We've heard horror stories about her as well, and DD would wind up playing school soccer with her at least if she were to attend.

Would you avoid a school based on one horrible kid?

I’m confused. Are you saying your daughter is currently in seventh grade and thinking of applying to the school for ninth grade or applying for next year? Are you looking down the road two years away? I’m curious what the school is. Is the mom also a bully? I suspect yes.

Starting to think about schools to look at for a 7th grader is entirely appropriate in February of 7th grade. Applications for next year are already in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

OP - do NOT do this. It’s crazy. PP that suggested this - What do you think admissions and HOS are going to do in response to a conversation like this? The only thing that will be accomplished is that there will be a red flag by OP’s name; no HOS wants someone bringing drama to their school. Complaining before you are even admitted? Oh DCUM, don’t ever change!

I wouldn't say "I hear Larla's a real B and if she's at the school there's no way I'm sending my precious snowflake!" But I would say, "I love x/y/z and about the Briarwood School for Exceptional Girls. My one area of concern is the social dynamics in the Grade x class." and then see how they respond. If they rejected my kid based on that conversation, that would be okay because clearly the school was not a good fit for us.

Agree there are ways of asking that would be informative without talking about this specific child.

If you do this, definitely do it in person and make sure to ask someone in authority. Their response could tell you a lot. If they deny it out right and say there have been no issues, and you have concrete evidence that there have been multiple incidence of bullying at school or on a sports team, well then they are lying to you. And if they acknowledge it but pass it off as typical for all schools (it's not) or inevitable (it's not) or indicate that it's the sort of problem that resolves itself (it doesn't), then it would be fair to question whether this is the school for you.

I certainly would not apply to the school without at least asking about the culture and how bullying and cliques are handled, because you have information that it's been a problem in the past. Imagine applying to the school that had a cheating scandal recently and not asking about how the school handles cheating and ethics on campus, for instance. It's a known issue, you need to get it addressed to even consider the school.

[Anonymous]

I’m fascinated by this thread. My DD left a soccer team because a clique that was really nasty. Several go to the same Catholic private school. If it were my DD, I would not apply. There is nothing more important than mental health and peace of mind. Soccer is soccer and you get great academics nearly everywhere.