Should one notorious girl in a grade deter us from applying there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

OP - do NOT do this. It’s crazy. PP that suggested this - What do you think admissions and HOS are going to do in response to a conversation like this? The only thing that will be accomplished is that there will be a red flag by OP’s name; no HOS wants someone bringing drama to their school. Complaining before you are even admitted? Oh DCUM, don’t ever change!

When we moved DC to a K-8 we asked after being admitted if they could separate her from a bully. They did. It was a bit harder to keep them separated in MS, but the bully ended up getting expelled so they were only together a short time.

For HS I would look for a different school.

[Anonymous]

We changed schools because of one girl. A few other families ultimately did too.

All the parents of girls were aware of this child. The child was not a sibling or an admin's kid so we could not figure out why they didn't care about the bullying.

Found a great new school and my DD is thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

OP - do NOT do this. It’s crazy. PP that suggested this - What do you think admissions and HOS are going to do in response to a conversation like this? The only thing that will be accomplished is that there will be a red flag by OP’s name; no HOS wants someone bringing drama to their school. Complaining before you are even admitted? Oh DCUM, don’t ever change!

I wouldn't say "I hear Larla's a real B and if she's at the school there's no way I'm sending my precious snowflake!" But I would say, "I love x/y/z and about the Briarwood School for Exceptional Girls. My one area of concern is the social dynamics in the Grade x class." and then see how they respond. If they rejected my kid based on that conversation, that would be okay because clearly the school was not a good fit for us.

Likely to reject you when they realized you've posted such specific information on a forum.

You realize that's not a real school, right? Because, unfortunately, I don't think a girls upper school in the DMV with a noted bully is going to be highly identifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might talk to the Admissions or HOS even about your concerns. Either they still accept your DD or they don’t. But you’ve been upfront with the administration.

+1 I don't think it would deter me from applying but it might deter me from enrolling.

But what's the point of that then? Put yourself through the process knowing you won't go?

A lot could happen between now and decision day. The other student could leave the school. OP could hear that she has a miraculous turn around or the school could intervene in an effective way.

They don’t leave the school ever. Most kids don’t move school, barring a serious sports need, relo, or special need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We changed schools because of one girl. A few other families ultimately did too.

All the parents of girls were aware of this child. The child was not a sibling or an admin's kid so we could not figure out why they didn't care about the bullying.

Found a great new school and my DD is thriving.

Did you say why you left? A bunch of families leaving because of one child’s behavior would surely wake them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A school that DD is very interested in (for HS) has a student who is notorious in soccer and social circles for being a complete bully. To the point that friends of DD are considering avoiding applying to a school where the bully attends based on avoiding this girl. We've heard horror stories about her as well, and DD would wind up playing school soccer with her at least if she were to attend.

Would you avoid a school based on one horrible kid?

I’m confused. Are you saying your daughter is currently in seventh grade and thinking of applying to the school for ninth grade or applying for next year? Are you looking down the road two years away? I’m curious what the school is. Is the mom also a bully? I suspect yes.

My guess is Visi.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar situation, like a school a lot for our child when her schools ends, but a bully girl likely going there, following her siblings. The Mom is constantly behind the scenes pulling string with teachers, coaches, award programs and so forth. Our child hasn’t caught on yet to how toxic the girl is with others but we see no end in sight.

It will be the reason we turn down the school this March.

And if we do go anyways on the bet that our child is tough and can handle it (she hadn’t been targeted yet but we’ve seen some ugly behavior over the years firsthand from the family and child), we will be ready to be vocal to the school and leave if need be. The bully’s track record is pretty clear.

[Anonymous]

I have avoided a seemingly optimal school for that reason but if you like it enough just plan ahead to avoid interacting with her. You may avoid a mean girl at one school and come across a more physical bully with poor self control at another or a master manipulator of kids/adults/ situations. Bullies have different styles but at least it's usually just one kid and everyone sees through them early on.

[Anonymous]

There are many good schools in this area. Why try to join one where you already know your daughter will have to interact with such a child, in class and definitely on the field, for years to come.
I would avoid the school. There are likely 5 other places that would work instead.

[Anonymous]

We left a school in 7th grade in part because of a very negative dynamic my daughter had been stuck in regarding a similar sounding girl (very small school) and it was the best decision we have made.
Most people are not as toxic as this girl sounds, OP. Look elsewhere unless this is the only school you can imagine your child.

[Anonymous]

No school will be bully-free. We left a school because of a child. New school also has a strong personality but the school manages it well. School seek to prepare all kids for a future with workplace bullies, “jerks” etc. Teaches “would-be” bullied kids to be proactive, works with strong-personalitied child, etc. I would check to see how the school does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We changed schools because of one girl. A few other families ultimately did too.

All the parents of girls were aware of this child. The child was not a sibling or an admin's kid so we could not figure out why they didn't care about the bullying.

Found a great new school and my DD is thriving.

Did you say why you left? A bunch of families leaving because of one child’s behavior would surely wake them up.

We did. It was insinuated we were all the problem, not the other girl.

School had a long waitlist so it didn't matter to them as our kids were quickly replaced.

[Anonymous]

We are avoiding a soccer club and a school. Our DD overlapped one year at both the club and the school, and was miserable. Luckily the bully changed ES; but we are staying away from the MS that we know the bully will attend. Too much drama, and the kid comes from a “donor” family, hence everything is tolerated…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would deter me. Not necessarily out of fear for the specific child, but because any school culture that produces a "notorious girl" about whom kids and other families hear despite not even currently attending the school is not for us.

Yup. Not underestimating bullying as a teen but this is still a child. Can you imagine that the parents are honestly gossiping this much about a child? Who are the adults here?

As someone who dealt with a horrible bully through school I would never put my kid in the same school. A noted bully the school dies nothing about? Not a school I'd want to be associated with.

[Anonymous]

Is it Oakcrest or Stone Ridge or Holy Child?