Anyone have a mother who likes to be stabby on your Birthday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Direct conversation, hahaha.

Daughter: Mom, I've noticed that you have done x, y, and z on my past birthdays, and that makes me feel [names her emotion]. I'd like you to instead [names what she wants].
Mom: I did not do any of that! You are making things up.
Daughter: OK, here's the card you sent me in which you said I am ungrateful and undeserving of birthday wishes.
Mom: [Refuses to look at the evidence.] Why are you always attacking me? I told you I didn't do that.
Daughter: I just showed you the card.
Mom: If you weren't always being so belligerent with me, perhaps I could say something nice on your birthday! What about when you did [names some childhood offense on daughter's part]. You have always been an ungrateful child! I don't know what I did to deserve having such an unloving, ungrateful child! I gave you so much, and you ruined my life! I might as well die now! I bet you'd like it if I died! Well, I won't give you the pleasure!
Daughter: OK, I have to leave now.
Mom: Everyone always leaves me! You don't love me at all! Come back here right now! I said RIGHT NOW [as if the daughter is a child].

So if you would enjoy having the above conversation over and over with some variations, go ahead and try direct conversation! The above exchange goes better than most because the daughter has learned to walk away and not engage in the craziness, but most younger women will not have developed the skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Why would you assume OP HAS tried to address this with her mother? She's said nothing about that. An assumption hasn't tried is more credible than your assumption that she tried to work it out with mom--OP would have mentioned that.

You're clearly not qualified to give family advice to anybody. You certainly shouldn't be offering family-shattering advice to total strangers.

How about this: why don't you ask OP if she's tried talking directly to mom about it. Or you could suggest OP work with a therapist on the best approach.

And if OP tried but failed to work it out with mom, then the first step would be to ignore mom on her birthday. Instead of your default "cut off her head!" Truly, you're offering horrible, family-shattering advice here. I posted above about my own mom being mean on my birthdays, and I found the refusing to pick up the phone on my birthday and for a few days after that defused the situation very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Direct conversation, hahaha.

Daughter: Mom, I've noticed that you have done x, y, and z on my past birthdays, and that makes me feel [names her emotion]. I'd like you to instead [names what she wants].
Mom: I did not do any of that! You are making things up.
Daughter: OK, here's the card you sent me in which you said I am ungrateful and undeserving of birthday wishes.
Mom: [Refuses to look at the evidence.] Why are you always attacking me? I told you I didn't do that.
Daughter: I just showed you the card.
Mom: If you weren't always being so belligerent with me, perhaps I could say something nice on your birthday! What about when you did [names some childhood offense on daughter's part]. You have always been an ungrateful child! I don't know what I did to deserve having such an unloving, ungrateful child! I gave you so much, and you ruined my life! I might as well die now! I bet you'd like it if I died! Well, I won't give you the pleasure!
Daughter: OK, I have to leave now.
Mom: Everyone always leaves me! You don't love me at all! Come back here right now! I said RIGHT NOW [as if the daughter is a child].

So if you would enjoy having the above conversation over and over with some variations, go ahead and try direct conversation! The above exchange goes better than most because the daughter has learned to walk away and not engage in the craziness, but most younger women will not have developed the skills.

Are you a fantasy fiction writer? This cr@p piece of writing is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Direct conversation, hahaha.

Daughter: Mom, I've noticed that you have done x, y, and z on my past birthdays, and that makes me feel [names her emotion]. I'd like you to instead [names what she wants].
Mom: I did not do any of that! You are making things up.
Daughter: OK, here's the card you sent me in which you said I am ungrateful and undeserving of birthday wishes.
Mom: [Refuses to look at the evidence.] Why are you always attacking me? I told you I didn't do that.
Daughter: I just showed you the card.
Mom: If you weren't always being so belligerent with me, perhaps I could say something nice on your birthday! What about when you did [names some childhood offense on daughter's part]. You have always been an ungrateful child! I don't know what I did to deserve having such an unloving, ungrateful child! I gave you so much, and you ruined my life! I might as well die now! I bet you'd like it if I died! Well, I won't give you the pleasure!
Daughter: OK, I have to leave now.
Mom: Everyone always leaves me! You don't love me at all! Come back here right now! I said RIGHT NOW [as if the daughter is a child].

So if you would enjoy having the above conversation over and over with some variations, go ahead and try direct conversation! The above exchange goes better than most because the daughter has learned to walk away and not engage in the craziness, but most younger women will not have developed the skills.

Get help. Unless OP agrees with what you've written, this is bizarre theater that only exists in your own head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Direct conversation, hahaha.

Daughter: Mom, I've noticed that you have done x, y, and z on my past birthdays, and that makes me feel [names her emotion]. I'd like you to instead [names what she wants].
Mom: I did not do any of that! You are making things up.
Daughter: OK, here's the card you sent me in which you said I am ungrateful and undeserving of birthday wishes.
Mom: [Refuses to look at the evidence.] Why are you always attacking me? I told you I didn't do that.
Daughter: I just showed you the card.
Mom: If you weren't always being so belligerent with me, perhaps I could say something nice on your birthday! What about when you did [names some childhood offense on daughter's part]. You have always been an ungrateful child! I don't know what I did to deserve having such an unloving, ungrateful child! I gave you so much, and you ruined my life! I might as well die now! I bet you'd like it if I died! Well, I won't give you the pleasure!
Daughter: OK, I have to leave now.
Mom: Everyone always leaves me! You don't love me at all! Come back here right now! I said RIGHT NOW [as if the daughter is a child].

So if you would enjoy having the above conversation over and over with some variations, go ahead and try direct conversation! The above exchange goes better than most because the daughter has learned to walk away and not engage in the craziness, but most younger women will not have developed the skills.

Get help. Unless OP agrees with what you've written, this is bizarre theater that only exists in your own head.

My mom is sick in the same way, and the behavior is so predictable and the same among the personality disordered. Other people's sick moms might have their own go-to phrasing, but this is basically it. Deny, attack, reverse roles. There's even an acronym for it. DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. It's an abusive tactic so common it gets an acronym. But sure, I'm making it all up. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Why would you assume OP HAS tried to address this with her mother? She's said nothing about that. An assumption hasn't tried is more credible than your assumption that she tried to work it out with mom--OP would have mentioned that.

You're clearly not qualified to give family advice to anybody. You certainly shouldn't be offering family-shattering advice to total strangers.

How about this: why don't you ask OP if she's tried talking directly to mom about it. Or you could suggest OP work with a therapist on the best approach.

And if OP tried but failed to work it out with mom, then the first step would be to ignore mom on her birthday. Instead of your default "cut off her head!" Truly, you're offering horrible, family-shattering advice here. I posted above about my own mom being mean on my birthdays, and I found the refusing to pick up the phone on my birthday and for a few days after that defused the situation very well.

First of all, take a breath and realize there are multiple people posting in this thread. You have no idea what I have posted.

Secondly, you accuse others of being dramatic. Look at your language. "Cut off her head"? Horrible, "family shattering" advice? Come on.

Thirdly, it's absolutely more reasonable to assume that somebody has tried the obvious when dealing with a family member with an illness, mental or otherwise. It's incredibly self centered and ableist to assume that no one but yourself would think to try the obvious solution first.

Fourth, OP is a grown woman, perfectly capable of evaluating all the feedback she is getting. She knows therapy exists. Yet she has chosen to post here. I have faith in her. Why don't you? Why are you so threatened?

[Anonymous]

Here, I'll make up another one for you.

OP: My husband suddenly started working out a few months, and he is dressing nicer. He is working nights and going on weekend business trips. When he's home, he's snippy with me and I sometimes find him texting, and then he hides the screen. I found a pair of panties that aren't mine in his suitcase, and a pack of condoms, which we don't use. What in the world could be going on?
NP: I think your DH is having an affair!
DP: My DH was behaving similarly, and then I discovered he was having an affair.
Crazy Lady Poster: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU DON'T KNOW HER DH!! YOU ARE MAKING THINGS UP. FICTION!! YOU ARE A BIZARRE PERSON WHO MAKES THINGS UP ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!

So, Crazy Lady Poster, I will break it down for you. Behavior happens in patterns. Some patterns indicate certain things, like that your DH is having an affair, or that your mother has a personality disorder (PD). When your mother has a personality disorder, she has a pattern of behavior that is just like other PDs. One pattern of a PD is to DARVO in any conversation in which she in confronted by a complaint about herself. So the ensuing conversation, after telling mom "I don't like it when you lash out on my birthday," is extremely predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Direct conversation, hahaha.

Daughter: Mom, I've noticed that you have done x, y, and z on my past birthdays, and that makes me feel [names her emotion]. I'd like you to instead [names what she wants].
Mom: I did not do any of that! You are making things up.
Daughter: OK, here's the card you sent me in which you said I am ungrateful and undeserving of birthday wishes.
Mom: [Refuses to look at the evidence.] Why are you always attacking me? I told you I didn't do that.
Daughter: I just showed you the card.
Mom: If you weren't always being so belligerent with me, perhaps I could say something nice on your birthday! What about when you did [names some childhood offense on daughter's part]. You have always been an ungrateful child! I don't know what I did to deserve having such an unloving, ungrateful child! I gave you so much, and you ruined my life! I might as well die now! I bet you'd like it if I died! Well, I won't give you the pleasure!
Daughter: OK, I have to leave now.
Mom: Everyone always leaves me! You don't love me at all! Come back here right now! I said RIGHT NOW [as if the daughter is a child].

So if you would enjoy having the above conversation over and over with some variations, go ahead and try direct conversation! The above exchange goes better than most because the daughter has learned to walk away and not engage in the craziness, but most younger women will not have developed the skills.

Are you a fantasy fiction writer? This cr@p piece of writing is ridiculous.

NP. It’s actually dead-on. Perhaps this is triggering something in you, PP but it’s not fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Direct conversation, hahaha.

Daughter: Mom, I've noticed that you have done x, y, and z on my past birthdays, and that makes me feel [names her emotion]. I'd like you to instead [names what she wants].
Mom: I did not do any of that! You are making things up.
Daughter: OK, here's the card you sent me in which you said I am ungrateful and undeserving of birthday wishes.
Mom: [Refuses to look at the evidence.] Why are you always attacking me? I told you I didn't do that.
Daughter: I just showed you the card.
Mom: If you weren't always being so belligerent with me, perhaps I could say something nice on your birthday! What about when you did [names some childhood offense on daughter's part]. You have always been an ungrateful child! I don't know what I did to deserve having such an unloving, ungrateful child! I gave you so much, and you ruined my life! I might as well die now! I bet you'd like it if I died! Well, I won't give you the pleasure!
Daughter: OK, I have to leave now.
Mom: Everyone always leaves me! You don't love me at all! Come back here right now! I said RIGHT NOW [as if the daughter is a child].

So if you would enjoy having the above conversation over and over with some variations, go ahead and try direct conversation! The above exchange goes better than most because the daughter has learned to walk away and not engage in the craziness, but most younger women will not have developed the skills.

Get help. Unless OP agrees with what you've written, this is bizarre theater that only exists in your own head.

Yeah, just what I thought. Triggered.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, many times I have told her if it comes with a guilt trip, I don't want it-be it a gift, card or well wish. The poster who gave an example of a conversation was not far off. I have definitely had covos like that with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here, I'll make up another one for you.

OP: My husband suddenly started working out a few months, and he is dressing nicer. He is working nights and going on weekend business trips. When he's home, he's snippy with me and I sometimes find him texting, and then he hides the screen. I found a pair of panties that aren't mine in his suitcase, and a pack of condoms, which we don't use. What in the world could be going on?
NP: I think your DH is having an affair!
DP: My DH was behaving similarly, and then I discovered he was having an affair.
Crazy Lady Poster: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU DON'T KNOW HER DH!! YOU ARE MAKING THINGS UP. FICTION!! YOU ARE A BIZARRE PERSON WHO MAKES THINGS UP ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!

So, Crazy Lady Poster, I will break it down for you. Behavior happens in patterns. Some patterns indicate certain things, like that your DH is having an affair, or that your mother has a personality disorder (PD). When your mother has a personality disorder, she has a pattern of behavior that is just like other PDs. One pattern of a PD is to DARVO in any conversation in which she in confronted by a complaint about herself. So the ensuing conversation, after telling mom "I don't like it when you lash out on my birthday," is extremely predictable.

Crazy Lady Poster == anybody who doesn't slot into your scenarios.

Who's the crazy one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, many times I have told her if it comes with a guilt trip, I don't want it-be it a gift, card or well wish. The poster who gave an example of a conversation was not far off. I have definitely had covos like that with her.

OP, I wanted to tell you that when your mom sends you a card with just well wishes (complying with your request) it most likely means that she is busy making people miserable on other fronts, and therefore doesn't need you as a target. It's not much more than that.

Do you already know and practice "grey rock"? It's a behavior pattern for you that makes you an extremely boring target, so you receive less abuse. It's refusing to perform the dance on your end. It results in basically, no real relationship, which is when some daughters of narcissistic mothers wonder, "Why am I continuing the facade of a relationship when there's no relationship there?" But some find it a good compromise instead of the Big Estrangement. The truth is, there really is never any real relationship with a PD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

Why would you assume OP HAS tried to address this with her mother? She's said nothing about that. An assumption hasn't tried is more credible than your assumption that she tried to work it out with mom--OP would have mentioned that.

You're clearly not qualified to give family advice to anybody. You certainly shouldn't be offering family-shattering advice to total strangers.

How about this: why don't you ask OP if she's tried talking directly to mom about it. Or you could suggest OP work with a therapist on the best approach.

And if OP tried but failed to work it out with mom, then the first step would be to ignore mom on her birthday. Instead of your default "cut off her head!" Truly, you're offering horrible, family-shattering advice here. I posted above about my own mom being mean on my birthdays, and I found the refusing to pick up the phone on my birthday and for a few days after that defused the situation very well.

First of all, take a breath and realize there are multiple people posting in this thread. You have no idea what I have posted.

Secondly, you accuse others of being dramatic. Look at your language. "Cut off her head"? Horrible, "family shattering" advice? Come on.

Thirdly, it's absolutely more reasonable to assume that somebody has tried the obvious when dealing with a family member with an illness, mental or otherwise. It's incredibly self centered and ableist to assume that no one but yourself would think to try the obvious solution first.

Fourth, OP is a grown woman, perfectly capable of evaluating all the feedback she is getting. She knows therapy exists. Yet she has chosen to post here. I have faith in her. Why don't you? Why are you so threatened?

What is cutting your mother off if not "family shattering"? Some of you are mentally ill.

I'm not threatened. I'm concerned that drama queens like you are trying to destroy families when working it out and negotiating are possible options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here, I'll make up another one for you.

OP: My husband suddenly started working out a few months, and he is dressing nicer. He is working nights and going on weekend business trips. When he's home, he's snippy with me and I sometimes find him texting, and then he hides the screen. I found a pair of panties that aren't mine in his suitcase, and a pack of condoms, which we don't use. What in the world could be going on?
NP: I think your DH is having an affair!
DP: My DH was behaving similarly, and then I discovered he was having an affair.
Crazy Lady Poster: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU DON'T KNOW HER DH!! YOU ARE MAKING THINGS UP. FICTION!! YOU ARE A BIZARRE PERSON WHO MAKES THINGS UP ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!

So, Crazy Lady Poster, I will break it down for you. Behavior happens in patterns. Some patterns indicate certain things, like that your DH is having an affair, or that your mother has a personality disorder (PD). When your mother has a personality disorder, she has a pattern of behavior that is just like other PDs. One pattern of a PD is to DARVO in any conversation in which she in confronted by a complaint about herself. So the ensuing conversation, after telling mom "I don't like it when you lash out on my birthday," is extremely predictable.

Crazy Lady Poster == anybody who doesn't slot into your scenarios.

Who's the crazy one?

Crazy Lady Poster, you have a pattern and I showed it to you. You read and post in the threads about parent/adult child difficulties even though you claim to not have those problems. You post weird circular arguments about what it is OK or not OK to say, speculate about or assume. You are triggered by the suggestion that mothers might be abusive. You DARVO. You fit the pattern of an abusive parent who has been cut off. And yeah, I know your next move is to deny that (your adult children are perfectly happy!), and accuse me of crazy behavior (I am a crazy fiction writer who has big problems!) and say that I have victimized you by saying so (you're being abusive to me! You're an abusive person!). Go ahead ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here, I'll make up another one for you.

OP: My husband suddenly started working out a few months, and he is dressing nicer. He is working nights and going on weekend business trips. When he's home, he's snippy with me and I sometimes find him texting, and then he hides the screen. I found a pair of panties that aren't mine in his suitcase, and a pack of condoms, which we don't use. What in the world could be going on?
NP: I think your DH is having an affair!
DP: My DH was behaving similarly, and then I discovered he was having an affair.
Crazy Lady Poster: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU DON'T KNOW HER DH!! YOU ARE MAKING THINGS UP. FICTION!! YOU ARE A BIZARRE PERSON WHO MAKES THINGS UP ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!

So, Crazy Lady Poster, I will break it down for you. Behavior happens in patterns. Some patterns indicate certain things, like that your DH is having an affair, or that your mother has a personality disorder (PD). When your mother has a personality disorder, she has a pattern of behavior that is just like other PDs. One pattern of a PD is to DARVO in any conversation in which she in confronted by a complaint about herself. So the ensuing conversation, after telling mom "I don't like it when you lash out on my birthday," is extremely predictable.

Crazy Lady Poster == anybody who doesn't slot into your scenarios.

Who's the crazy one?

Crazy Lady Poster, you have a pattern and I showed it to you. You read and post in the threads about parent/adult child difficulties even though you claim to not have those problems. You post weird circular arguments about what it is OK or not OK to say, speculate about or assume. You are triggered by the suggestion that mothers might be abusive. You DARVO. You fit the pattern of an abusive parent who has been cut off. And yeah, I know your next move is to deny that (your adult children are perfectly happy!), and accuse me of crazy behavior (I am a crazy fiction writer who has big problems!) and say that I have victimized you by saying so (you're being abusive to me! You're an abusive person!). Go ahead ...

Your ad hominems and fantasies about others' personal lives (OP's and now mine) definitely mark you out as crazy. TBH I doubt you have many strong relationships. But, thanks for asking, my two kids spent a great Thanksgiving home from college with me and are coming back for Christmas. You're so wrong it's pathetic.

I'm here because I'm concerned about your cr@ppy advice and trying to protect the OP's you're targeting with it. Nothing to do with triggering.