LDR situationship with a guy friend in mid-life

[Anonymous]

I think he really likes you, it's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he really likes you, it's that simple.

OP. We broke up (on p.3) but your comment put a smile off my face.

I really feel like a teenager after a breakup, everything is fine while I’m busy but the minute I have some time to myself, a flood of emotions just takes over. I guess it will be worse before it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Lana del Rey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lana del Rey?

LOL, if you’re suggesting I’m being pathetic, point taken!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP of this thread here. We broke up two nights ago and I put on a brave face but I’m feeling crushed. It was just too much emotion for the distance, I wanted to talk about the future and he felt it was impossible (he can’t move his kids and I can’t realistically move mine either away from their dad).

I don’t know if it’s truly the end, part of me hopes it is and the other part is just confused and hurt and missing him. This relationship was miles ahead of anything I’ve ever experienced before. It felt like “this is it.” I’m definitely glad it happened and I wish him well. We agreed we both wanted to remain good, actual friends.

I guess the advice is just, keep busy, right?

Sending you a hug, OP. With 15+ years of history, you never know what will happen in the future. I’m currently 7 years into a long distance relationship with my BF who I’ve known for decades as well. We both have one kid each whom we prioritize above all else, but guess what? Kids grow up… If you really are each other’s “this is it,” you’ll find each other again.

Just a big belated thanks to this PP. I’m still reeling but it’s getting better. We spoke on the phone once about his work and not again in the last 10 days. I hope it will be easier in a month of no or low contact.

[Anonymous]

Eventually both your kids will grow up and if you are both single at that time, you can give it another shot. You still have 50 plus years of life ahead of you. It might just be a relationship for a different period of life.

[Anonymous]

Even though you’ve broken up I could see him continuing to reach out by text from time to time. Resist feeding his ego. Take a break and if you will truly be friends in the future let that happen after all the feelings are gone.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update, we recently reconnected in person and hooked up and are now back to square one (including another “this is not going anywhere” talk).

He took me out for a fancy dinner and we had a great time just catching up. He has some job decisions ahead of him that may take him even further than BC. We ended up in bed that evening and it was incredible and familiar at the same time. He kissed my forehead repeatedly and held me, and just made me feel so loved and safe. But we are not back together and still live thousands of miles apart with no way of building a relationship. I don’t want to go no contact but this is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update, we recently reconnected in person and hooked up and are now back to square one (including another “this is not going anywhere” talk).

He took me out for a fancy dinner and we had a great time just catching up. He has some job decisions ahead of him that may take him even further than BC. We ended up in bed that evening and it was incredible and familiar at the same time. He kissed my forehead repeatedly and held me, and just made me feel so loved and safe. But we are not back together and still live thousands of miles apart with no way of building a relationship. I don’t want to go no contact but this is hard.

I feel this, OP! I have a different situation but with a similar theme if that makes sense. I think you just take it day by day and try to maintain open, honest communication around how you're feeling and what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update, we recently reconnected in person and hooked up and are now back to square one (including another “this is not going anywhere” talk).

He took me out for a fancy dinner and we had a great time just catching up. He has some job decisions ahead of him that may take him even further than BC. We ended up in bed that evening and it was incredible and familiar at the same time. He kissed my forehead repeatedly and held me, and just made me feel so loved and safe. But we are not back together and still live thousands of miles apart with no way of building a relationship. I don’t want to go no contact but this is hard.

I feel this, OP! I have a different situation but with a similar theme if that makes sense. I think you just take it day by day and try to maintain open, honest communication around how you're feeling and what you want.

Thanks, you’re right. It’s not always easy to know what I want. I try to focus on the gratitude for having experienced at least some fleeting moments with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update, we recently reconnected in person and hooked up and are now back to square one (including another “this is not going anywhere” talk).

He took me out for a fancy dinner and we had a great time just catching up. He has some job decisions ahead of him that may take him even further than BC. We ended up in bed that evening and it was incredible and familiar at the same time. He kissed my forehead repeatedly and held me, and just made me feel so loved and safe. But we are not back together and still live thousands of miles apart with no way of building a relationship. I don’t want to go no contact but this is hard.

I'd wonder how many other women he's also doing this to in different cities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP of this thread here. We broke up two nights ago and I put on a brave face but I’m feeling crushed. It was just too much emotion for the distance, I wanted to talk about the future and he felt it was impossible (he can’t move his kids and I can’t realistically move mine either away from their dad).

I don’t know if it’s truly the end, part of me hopes it is and the other part is just confused and hurt and missing him. This relationship was miles ahead of anything I’ve ever experienced before. It felt like “this is it.” I’m definitely glad it happened and I wish him well. We agreed we both wanted to remain good, actual friends.

I guess the advice is just, keep busy, right?

Sending you a hug, OP. With 15+ years of history, you never know what will happen in the future. I’m currently 7 years into a long distance relationship with my BF who I’ve known for decades as well. We both have one kid each whom we prioritize above all else, but guess what? Kids grow up… If you really are each other’s “this is it,” you’ll find each other again.

Just a big belated thanks to this PP. I’m still reeling but it’s getting better. We spoke on the phone once about his work and not again in the last 10 days. I hope it will be easier in a month of no or low contact.

A even more belated “you’re welcome,” OP! For what it’s worth, LDBF and I also go through periods of low contact when we need to focus on our respective kids and/or careers, but we’re still in it 8 years and counting… The older I get, the more I realize life is truly unpredictable - just make the most of it however and whenever you can!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP of this thread here. We broke up two nights ago and I put on a brave face but I’m feeling crushed. It was just too much emotion for the distance, I wanted to talk about the future and he felt it was impossible (he can’t move his kids and I can’t realistically move mine either away from their dad).

I don’t know if it’s truly the end, part of me hopes it is and the other part is just confused and hurt and missing him. This relationship was miles ahead of anything I’ve ever experienced before. It felt like “this is it.” I’m definitely glad it happened and I wish him well. We agreed we both wanted to remain good, actual friends.

I guess the advice is just, keep busy, right?

Sending you a hug, OP. With 15+ years of history, you never know what will happen in the future. I’m currently 7 years into a long distance relationship with my BF who I’ve known for decades as well. We both have one kid each whom we prioritize above all else, but guess what? Kids grow up… If you really are each other’s “this is it,” you’ll find each other again.

Just a big belated thanks to this PP. I’m still reeling but it’s getting better. We spoke on the phone once about his work and not again in the last 10 days. I hope it will be easier in a month of no or low contact.

A even more belated “you’re welcome,” OP! For what it’s worth, LDBF and I also go through periods of low contact when we need to focus on our respective kids and/or careers, but we’re still in it 8 years and counting… The older I get, the more I realize life is truly unpredictable - just make the most of it however and whenever you can!

Wise words. Glad you two are still going strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update, we recently reconnected in person and hooked up and are now back to square one (including another “this is not going anywhere” talk).

He took me out for a fancy dinner and we had a great time just catching up. He has some job decisions ahead of him that may take him even further than BC. We ended up in bed that evening and it was incredible and familiar at the same time. He kissed my forehead repeatedly and held me, and just made me feel so loved and safe. But we are not back together and still live thousands of miles apart with no way of building a relationship. I don’t want to go no contact but this is hard.

Rule #1 is no forehead kisses! This is when men steal a women's soul and the woman loses all good sense.

Unless you want a same time next year arrangement, it is better to go no contact. You will not ever find someone local while still having feelings for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update, we recently reconnected in person and hooked up and are now back to square one (including another “this is not going anywhere” talk).

He took me out for a fancy dinner and we had a great time just catching up. He has some job decisions ahead of him that may take him even further than BC. We ended up in bed that evening and it was incredible and familiar at the same time. He kissed my forehead repeatedly and held me, and just made me feel so loved and safe. But we are not back together and still live thousands of miles apart with no way of building a relationship. I don’t want to go no contact but this is hard.

Rule #1 is no forehead kisses! This is when men steal a women's soul and the woman loses all good sense.

Unless you want a same time next year arrangement, it is better to go no contact. You will not ever find someone local while still having feelings for him.

🤣 So true.

It really caught me off guard. I mean, as it was happening, my thought was “is this really happening?!”