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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "WWYD with this rude child?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Teach your kid how to speak up. It's their friendship, not yours. Kids say dumb things but it depends on how your child feels. You can tell them your thoughts on it for sure but why are you taking a break from the relationship? What relationship do you have with the kid?[/quote] We spend a lot of time all together since the parents like each other and the kids are same aged.[/quote] New poster. OP, I totally get your anger here. And I want to note -- something that a lot of people responding here are totally missing -- you point out in the first post that this child has "all-around issues with being domineering, entitled, manipulative and demanding." I'm taking you at your word on that. So it seems the issue actually is larger than this one comment, awful as the one comment was. First: The dad stepped in immediately. Huge kudos to him for that and I truly hope you did thank him for doing so, OP. I would wager that these parents do know their son has issues with being inappropriate and demanding. It likely won't be news to them. I would not demand an apology at this point, after the fact. That will only make the parents (who, again, did the right thing in the moment) feel worse. And yeah, they probably feel bad about this. Not comparing that to how YOU feel, OP, just nothing that there's no reason to compound things with demands for apologies. Second: This comes up in other ways on DCUM but there do come times when parent friendships need to start excluding the kids. Being the same age means nothing at all; if they are not compatible in terms of interests, and don't get along, then the kids do not need to be friends or even see each other, just because the adults are friends. Find ways to see these adult friends without either child present. I get that that can be difficult depending on ages, babysitting, etc. But I'd make the effort to keep my own adult friends, especially since you need a support system as an adult. And I'd tell them frankly, as you should be able to do with real friends, "The boys don't seem to share interests or get along very well at this point, so let's find a time when you and I can have coffee/lunch, just us adults. I want to keep up with you but don't think it's a good idea for the boys to feel they have to be together." Real friends can hear that from you -- and probably will feel relieved that you've finally said out loud what all the adults already know. The one complicating factor could be if the boys are in activities together like scouts or a school club or sports team. I'd just keep doing that but not add things like going out for a meal after a meeting or game, etc. And again, double down on telling your friends you value them but recognize that kids go through stages where they shouldn't be together just because the adults are friends. Make real, specific plans to see your friends, though, and don't let friendships drift away because the kids had issues. Or in this case, because one kid has issues. He could be a real sweetheart in a few years' time -- it really does happen with maturity, sometimes -- but that doesn't mean your own son has to see him NOW, or ever. [/quote]
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