S/O: 'Magazines are rude' families--what's your deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing?

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing. Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here. Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be reading out on the porch. Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated. In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do. You're a guest in their house. You are visiting. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing?

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing. Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here. Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be reading out on the porch. Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated. In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do. You're a guest in their house. You are visiting. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.

OP here. When it comes to us visiting their home, These are multi-day visits in a very small house in a small town. We do lots of things with them--go for walks, go to the playground, go to the little shops on the main street, go out for lunch, go to church, etc. And we do literally sit and talk with them for hours. But after spending all day together, it simply is not rude for me to allow my oldest daughter to call her friend back, or allow my youngest daughter to read a book, or for me to finally have 20 minutes to look through a cooking magazine. It's just not. We do--we honestly do--spend 90% of the day with them.

Are you so rigid with your guests? If so, you should know that guests value downtime, a few minutes to relax, a few minutes on their own. Expecting 100% togetherness all the time during a visit is...exhausting, frankly. Do you do this to your guests?

And when it comes to being in our home, we do of course spend the majority of the day with them, but again, I'm not going to tell my daughters they can't play with their Christmas gifts or go ride their bikes/scooters, because it is objectively not rude to not spend literally every second with houseguests.

And when we share vacation rentals with them: it's our vacation, too. If DD1 wants to go to the kite shop with my husband, they shouldn't have to stay home because grandma and grandpa aren't interested in that particular activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing?

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing. Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here. Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be reading out on the porch. Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated. In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do. You're a guest in their house. You are visiting. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just let someone have some time to themself and do what they want to do. They're a guest in your house. You are hosting them. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in controlling everyone that you don't see that you are part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your guests a little grace when they are visiting you.

[Anonymous]

Ugh I have no idea but my ILs are like this and it is awful. I grew up in an active family with a mix of introverts and extroverts- grandparents had a big beach house where extended family would come and go, everyone doing different activities or relaxing on their own. So nice.
With my ILs all they want to do is sit around and talk. At least now we have little kids who go stir crazy after 30 minutes of that so we have an excuse to do something other than sit there.

When we would visit them I felt like we had no choice because I didn't want to be rude, but that was also their expectation when they would visit us- God forbid we get some fresh air and go for a walk (together even!) or go somewhere else.
The only explanation I can come up with is that they do not like to be active and they need us to give them maximum attention which is less likely to happen if there is an activity going on.

[Anonymous]

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

If no one is willing to speak up and tell them they're complete jerks... then you get what you deserve, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not what you asked, but after one round of "I'm on vacation, and after spending the morning chatting, now I want to read my magazine on the deck, and since vacations are about relaxing and indulging that's what I'm going to do," I wouldn't vacation with them ever again.

OP here. LOL. That's...not how it goes, at least with my ILs. It's more like:

[On day 3 of being together under the same roof:]
"Where's Sally?"
"Oh, I think she took her book to the deck on the main floor."
"Why? What's wrong? Why doesn't she want to chat with us?"
"I think she's just really wanting to finish 'Percy Jackson'...nothing's wrong."
"Well that was rude!"

Your DH needs to answer "she's resting". And then if his mother calls you rude, he needs to say "no, it is not rude to rest on vacation or during a visit". Then, move on. DONE. He also needs to not tell you about this exchange later and to run interference if his mother tries to go find you or the like.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea, OP, but visiting your ILs sounds absolutely miserable. I love my family and we all love to talk but even so I definitely need breaks and alone time with them! I guess extroverts...? I can't imagine not understanding that someone might need to not be constantly engaging with other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing?

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing. Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here. Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be reading out on the porch. Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated. In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do. You're a guest in their house. You are visiting. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.

OP here. When it comes to us visiting their home, These are multi-day visits in a very small house in a small town. We do lots of things with them--go for walks, go to the playground, go to the little shops on the main street, go out for lunch, go to church, etc. And we do literally sit and talk with them for hours. But after spending all day together, it simply is not rude for me to allow my oldest daughter to call her friend back, or allow my youngest daughter to read a book, or for me to finally have 20 minutes to look through a cooking magazine. It's just not. We do--we honestly do--spend 90% of the day with them.

Are you so rigid with your guests? If so, you should know that guests value downtime, a few minutes to relax, a few minutes on their own. Expecting 100% togetherness all the time during a visit is...exhausting, frankly. Do you do this to your guests?

And when it comes to being in our home, we do of course spend the majority of the day with them, but again, I'm not going to tell my daughters they can't play with their Christmas gifts or go ride their bikes/scooters, because it is objectively not rude to not spend literally every second with houseguests.

And when we share vacation rentals with them: it's our vacation, too. If DD1 wants to go to the kite shop with my husband, they shouldn't have to stay home because grandma and grandpa aren't interested in that particular activity.

I would see them less and let your DH go visit on his own. Or I would just work on NOT caring that they seem to think this is "rude" when it's normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

This thread is interesting. My mom is like this. She's 100% extrovert, loves family gatherings, is full of energy, somewhat controlling, and can't understand why others would want a break. She's terrific, but it took me a long time to understand that she really, really doesn't understand introverts...which is particularly funny because my dad is an introvert. He loves social gatherings and can be the life of the party, but he definitely needs his recharge time.

I've finally learned to either hide out in my room having a long afternoon "nap" (for some reason, afternoon napping is acceptable, but sleeping in late in the mornings is considered lazy), or to excuse myself to another room saying, "gotta recharge my introvert batteries, mom!"

She still doesn't get it, I don't think, but it's better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing?

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing. Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here. Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be reading out on the porch. Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated. In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do. You're a guest in their house. You are visiting. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just let someone have some time to themself and do what they want to do. They're a guest in your house. You are hosting them. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in controlling everyone that you don't see that you are part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your guests a little grace when they are visiting you.

Nailed it! I see what you did there. And I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing?

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing. Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here. Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be reading out on the porch. Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated. In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do. You're a guest in their house. You are visiting. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just let someone have some time to themself and do what they want to do. They're a guest in your house. You are hosting them. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in controlling everyone that you don't see that you are part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your guests a little grace when they are visiting you.

You see, this is why people don't like you and why you don't have friends. You sound like a complete pill. Frankly, if I were your inlaws, I would gladly let you and your kids go elsewhere. You don't sound like a very nice person and certainly you don't have any manners.

DP

[Anonymous]

My mother is this way; demands all eyes on her and that there be zero silence. She is beyond annoying and very controlling. We stopped taking family vacations with her but she displays this self focused behavior during visits to her house and car trips.

Will not stop talking. Will hand me magazines to take home but tells me to read them later. She then gets out a hand written list which prompts her to tell me everything on the list-usually about neighbors and relatives and people she knows. Exhaustively detailed information.

I mentioned to her long ago about how when one of my friends vacationed with her ILs, she loved nothing more than sitting on their back porch and reading, alone. My mom proclaimed that the height of rudeness.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the length of the visit.

A 2 hour visit: everyone hangs out together or in smaller groups

An all day visit or several day visit: yeah, people can go and do their own thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing?

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing. Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here. Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be reading out on the porch. Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated. In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do. You're a guest in their house. You are visiting. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.

Okay. However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just let someone have some time to themself and do what they want to do. They're a guest in your house. You are hosting them. Can't you flex a little and go along to get along? Why does it have to be your way or the highway? I don't understand people like you, so caught up in controlling everyone that you don't see that you are part of a larger framework. There is something wrong with you if you can't show your guests a little grace when they are visiting you.

You see, this is why people don't like you and why you don't have friends. You sound like a complete pill. Frankly, if I were your inlaws, I would gladly let you and your kids go elsewhere. You don't sound like a very nice person and certainly you don't have any manners.

DP

This person is a pill because all of the points you made can easily be made another way? You sound like a crotchety old loon. Are you feeling alright, grandma?

[Anonymous]

If you are only visiting for a couple hours, pulling out a book or magazine or phone is rude. If you are there for a day or more, people need a break sometime!