Grandparents annoying the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 10 snd 12 and although I’ve taught them to be polite, I can see why they’re getting sick of my parents. They come for very long visits even when I tell them to cut it down to a weekend (instead they stay for a whole week and expect to see the kids all the time). By they third day the kids start hiding from them because grandma keeps asking the same questions about school and grandpa just blasts the tv, gets mad at them for blocking it. I don’t expect the kids to see them every day they’re here of course. My parents choose to come for so long. That’s unreasonable and would probably result in fights. They don’t take them out much. There aren’t good museums near where they live. We’ve suggested movies but they can’t agree on them. Grandma still think the kids want to see babyish stuff and balks at the films the kids do want to see (too loud, too violet, no values!). So we’re at an impasse. They won’t back off even a bit. I always had a feeling this would happen. Neither of my parents have hobbies to share so it’s not like grandpa will take them fishing or grandma likes day camping. They literally do nothing.

Very long stay =/= one week

A very long stay is more like a month or three.

They stay in a hotel and not your house. What time do they come over and when do they leave?

What activities do your kids do after school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, is it your house, or your parents’ house? YOU AND ONLY YOU are in charge of how long visitors stay.

“Yes, we’re looking forward to you visiting in December. The dates that work for us are December 22-26. That is as long as we can have visitors this time around. Looking forward to a great time.”

This is a YOU problem, OP. Set some freaking boundaries. Like an adult.

All of this. You’re acting like a 10 year old who is afraid to make mommy upset. Yet you have no problem subjecting your kids to this performative nonsense. Stop being afraid of pissing off your mother. Expect that she will have a tantrum, make passive aggressive comments and throw guilt trips at you. So what? You can handle it because you’re an adult who can set boundaries and support your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So, they do almost nothing. There's your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Kids are in school, of course. My parents have a lot of disposable income and will park at a hotel for a week, even more, and more or less sit around waiting to see the kids. My mother is laser-focused on seeing them but she wants it on her terms, i.e. sit at our house or in their hotel room. The kids do not enjoy this. She feels that because they showed up, I should be accommodating them and drop the kids off with her all week or let them park in our living room from 4 pm until the late evening. I've said no many times and yet she keeps doing things her way. They do this about once every other month. As soon as they leave, she's planning another visit. We've gone to see them as well but it's the same thing there. Just sitting around the livingroom.

This sounds totally normal. Why not just give them some direction for how to interact with the kids? “Hey mom/dad, you know what the kids would really enjoy…”. And if she doesn’t want to do it, say “ok, well that’s what’s we’re doing Saturday. You guys are welcome to join!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So, they do almost nothing. There's your problem.

LOL. Cub scouts and dance every weekend, but OK. My kids are happy and well-rounded. Perfect grades in school and healthy. I’m sorry you don’t enjoy having your kids in the house with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Kids are in school, of course. My parents have a lot of disposable income and will park at a hotel for a week, even more, and more or less sit around waiting to see the kids. My mother is laser-focused on seeing them but she wants it on her terms, i.e. sit at our house or in their hotel room. The kids do not enjoy this. She feels that because they showed up, I should be accommodating them and drop the kids off with her all week or let them park in our living room from 4 pm until the late evening. I've said no many times and yet she keeps doing things her way. They do this about once every other month. As soon as they leave, she's planning another visit. We've gone to see them as well but it's the same thing there. Just sitting around the livingroom.

There’s your problem right there: You’re enabling this behavior. There’s no way your kids can get to a hotel room without you driving them. So don’t. Let your mother sit there. In your home, tell your kids it’s fine for them to go to their room or to a friend’s house. They are not required to sit in the family room with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So, they do almost nothing. There's your problem.

LOL. Cub scouts and dance every weekend, but OK. My kids are happy and well-rounded. Perfect grades in school and healthy. I’m sorry you don’t enjoy having your kids in the house with you.

You have bigger problems than me if you can't manage a week with grandparents and upset kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

No, it's not like that at all. We have a variety of things to do. We can wrap up activities at 6 and the grandparents will still call looking to come over and sit with them. They don't care what time it is. They're retired. Four days are enough but they want to squeeze in as much time as possible even if it's inconvenient. Imagine you work until 5, take your kids to a friends' house or music lessons, have dinner by 7, and then have two people nagging you to see your kids-- and they flew from two hours away to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Kids are in school, of course. My parents have a lot of disposable income and will park at a hotel for a week, even more, and more or less sit around waiting to see the kids. My mother is laser-focused on seeing them but she wants it on her terms, i.e. sit at our house or in their hotel room. The kids do not enjoy this. She feels that because they showed up, I should be accommodating them and drop the kids off with her all week or let them park in our living room from 4 pm until the late evening. I've said no many times and yet she keeps doing things her way. They do this about once every other month. As soon as they leave, she's planning another visit. We've gone to see them as well but it's the same thing there. Just sitting around the livingroom.

This sounds totally normal. Why not just give them some direction for how to interact with the kids? “Hey mom/dad, you know what the kids would really enjoy…”. And if she doesn’t want to do it, say “ok, well that’s what’s we’re doing Saturday. You guys are welcome to join!”

OP here. I do reaize this was also a lot easier when a grandchild was 10 and grandma was in her early 60s. My parents are in their mid-70s and can't handle a lot of stuff. My parents were from a culture where you literally sit around a dining table gossiping for hours. They want to do the same with kids but the kids are tired of it. They do not want to change. They want grandparenting to be a spectator sport at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

And your kids are going to grow up to be your parents…boring, annoying people who sit in living rooms with no interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So, they do almost nothing. There's your problem.

LOL. Cub scouts and dance every weekend, but OK. My kids are happy and well-rounded. Perfect grades in school and healthy. I’m sorry you don’t enjoy having your kids in the house with you.

They aren’t well rounded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So they do have some things to do. Homework, playing with friends, very limited chores. So then yes, they should be hanging out with the grandparents some. Both sides need to compromise.

Kids = "Grandparents, I'm going to read on the hammock outside, do you want to bring your newspaper out there too?"

You/Spouse = "We are cooking hamburgers on the grill tonight. Do you & Larla want to prepare the side & set the table?"

You/Spouse = " Larlo is going down the street to play with friend. Do you all want to walk down there too. Then we, the adults, can walk around neighborhood."

Kids="Grandparents, can we come swim in the hotel pool then go out to dinner.?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So they do have some things to do. Homework, playing with friends, very limited chores. So then yes, they should be hanging out with the grandparents some. Both sides need to compromise.

Kids = "Grandparents, I'm going to read on the hammock outside, do you want to bring your newspaper out there too?"

You/Spouse = "We are cooking hamburgers on the grill tonight. Do you & Larla want to prepare the side & set the table?"

You/Spouse = " Larlo is going down the street to play with friend. Do you all want to walk down there too. Then we, the adults, can walk around neighborhood."

Kids="Grandparents, can we come swim in the hotel pool then go out to dinner.?"

Honey, again. Some more. I identified myself as “NP” on my post. That stands for NEW POSTER. I am not the OP! LMAO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So, they do almost nothing. There's your problem.

LOL. Cub scouts and dance every weekend, but OK. My kids are happy and well-rounded. Perfect grades in school and healthy. I’m sorry you don’t enjoy having your kids in the house with you.

You have bigger problems than me if you can't manage a week with grandparents and upset kids.

I’m not the OP, dingbat. As evidenced by me saying “NP” at the start of my post. That stands for NEW POSTER. You good?

You good? Why are you screaming in all caps. Are you ok? Yikes.

You have reading comprehension problems. I’m trying to help you because you’re either blind, slow, or both.