Grandparents annoying the kids

[Anonymous]

My kids are 10 snd 12 and although I’ve taught them to be polite, I can see why they’re getting sick of my parents. They come for very long visits even when I tell them to cut it down to a weekend (instead they stay for a whole week and expect to see the kids all the time). By they third day the kids start hiding from them because grandma keeps asking the same questions about school and grandpa just blasts the tv, gets mad at them for blocking it. I don’t expect the kids to see them every day they’re here of course. My parents choose to come for so long. That’s unreasonable and would probably result in fights. They don’t take them out much. There aren’t good museums near where they live. We’ve suggested movies but they can’t agree on them. Grandma still think the kids want to see babyish stuff and balks at the films the kids do want to see (too loud, too violet, no values!). So we’re at an impasse. They won’t back off even a bit. I always had a feeling this would happen. Neither of my parents have hobbies to share so it’s not like grandpa will take them fishing or grandma likes day camping. They literally do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Aren't the kids at school during the week? A week isn't even that long, I thought you were going to say a month at at time.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound very immature yourself. Perhaps you can read some etiquette books and then you'll be better able to advise your children on how they should interact with their elders. In the meantime, in case reading is a challenge, you should set some boundaries for your children so that they interact appropriately with your parents. Your parents deserve respect, and they shouldn't be mocked by you or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Is your 12 year old about to turn 13?

[Anonymous]

Unlike the previous posters who don't get it, I understand, OP.
They are rude to invite themselves over. You need to start there, and insist their visits are not well timed.

I would go CRAZY if I had to accommodate my mother for weeklong visits several times a year! My father is a decent person who keeps to himself, it would be lovely to have him. But my mother is exactly as you describe your parents. She's disabled, so outings are limited. My mother is "bite your tongue" unreasonable and doesn't let up. The kids bite their tongues. They are well-behaved, but it takes its toll and they do not deserve to live with that pressure in their home.

I think it's worth it to offend them and tell them they cannot come to visit, and instead schedule Holiday visits once or twice a year.

[Anonymous]

I think you just exlain to your parents that your kids are busy during the week with school, activities and homework. On a typical week the family gathers for dinner but does not spend lots of time otherwise (at least that is the way my family is). I would put out a jigsaw puzzle or someother group type activiity that might encourage a group effort. Choose a movie to watch at home. Serve popcorn or a favorite snack (food always gets my kids). Can they bake cookies together? A walk?

[Anonymous]

How often is this happening—every other month? Twice a year?
How far away are they by car?

[Anonymous]

Your family all sits around for a whole week with no work or school or activities trying to find things to do to entertain grandparents? Sure, sounds legit.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Kids are in school, of course. My parents have a lot of disposable income and will park at a hotel for a week, even more, and more or less sit around waiting to see the kids. My mother is laser-focused on seeing them but she wants it on her terms, i.e. sit at our house or in their hotel room. The kids do not enjoy this. She feels that because they showed up, I should be accommodating them and drop the kids off with her all week or let them park in our living room from 4 pm until the late evening. I've said no many times and yet she keeps doing things her way. They do this about once every other month. As soon as they leave, she's planning another visit. We've gone to see them as well but it's the same thing there. Just sitting around the livingroom.

[Anonymous]

I'd like them to understand the concept of quality over quantity. By the fourth day the kids really start resisting and do not want to sit with them for hours.

[Anonymous]

Games?
Puzzles?
Projects?

While everyone’s sitting around the living room can you get something going? What about those memory books for grandparents - could you use one of those to get them to tell stories of the good ol’ days?

Maybe instead of agreeing on a movie, you can take turns.

What did your parents used to enjoy when they were more active?

[Anonymous]

Girl, is it your house, or your parents’ house? YOU AND ONLY YOU are in charge of how long visitors stay.

“Yes, we’re looking forward to you visiting in December. The dates that work for us are December 22-26. That is as long as we can have visitors this time around. Looking forward to a great time.”

This is a YOU problem, OP. Set some freaking boundaries. Like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

[Anonymous]

The kids should not have to sit with the grandparents for hours. If you stop making them, then your parents will stop expecting it and maybe stop coming for such long stretches so frequently. You should also go out to dinner or for park excursions or whatever sometimes, so shake up the dynamic and do something a little fun for everyone. Your parents will have to compromise. You need to be more direct and assertive, kindly but firmly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?