Any way to do a "presents optional" birthday party invite?

[Anonymous]

Say “No gifts please” or say nothing.

When someone gets gifs don’t admonish them or make a big deal.

When some people get gifts, keep them in a big bag away from sight so they are not displayed on a table within view of other guests etc.

Do not open gifts in front of the guests.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t need gifts then please say that. Writing no gifts please on the invitation is a good thing. It makes things much easier and less stressful for the parents.

[Anonymous]

This is so tricky. On the one hand, I don’t want anyone to feel they have to bring a gift to attend and most in our circle specify no gifts please on the invite so I don’t want our kid to be the only one having a gift party when their friends and classmates don’t.

However, I can totally see from the birthday kid’s perspective and when we were kids every party you brought a gift/received gifts! And that was fun too.

I think best thing to do is say no gifts please and then maybe just compensate for the gifts they’re missing out on from friends by getting your kid a few extra gifts from you instead. This way you’re also ensuring no duplicate gifts, no gifts your kid wouldn’t like, etc and that’s one aspect of having a gift bday party that would not be so great (your kid would be sure to get something they didn’t like, already had, wrong size, no gift receipt, etc) Because ultimately being more inclusive of all kids is more important to me (and also to my kids) than getting gifts from friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifts are always optional, unless you say “no gifts.”

I don't think that's right-- my understanding is that a birthday party implies gifts should be brought unless you're explicitly told not to. No one explicitly says "Gifts are expected" because that would be super-rude, so the way to tell people gifts are expected is by saying nothing at all. I've never heard of a party with no mention of gifts on the invitation where most if not all of the guests didn't bring gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifts are always optional, unless you say “no gifts.”

I don't think that's right-- my understanding is that a birthday party implies gifts should be brought unless you're explicitly told not to. No one explicitly says "Gifts are expected" because that would be super-rude, so the way to tell people gifts are expected is by saying nothing at all. I've never heard of a party with no mention of gifts on the invitation where most if not all of the guests didn't bring gifts.

Any gift for any occasion is optional. You should never expect a gift, but should grateful for any you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

You should just always give a gift to a child having a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

You should just always give a gift to a child having a birthday party.

+1 why do parents in this area literally need to suck the fun out of the tradition of giving a child birthday gifts? This is a normal thing and kid gifts really do not need to be pricey at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

You should just always give a gift to a child having a birthday party.

+1 why do parents in this area literally need to suck the fun out of the tradition of giving a child birthday gifts? This is a normal thing and kid gifts really do not need to be pricey at all.

They’re the same people who take away the kids’ Halloween candy on November 1 and send it “to the troops.” How dare you have a childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

You should just always give a gift to a child having a birthday party.

+1 why do parents in this area literally need to suck the fun out of the tradition of giving a child birthday gifts? This is a normal thing and kid gifts really do not need to be pricey at all.

Why? If we have received gifts in the past (we usually say no gifts but some people still bring them) we end up never using gifts them bc it’s not what my kids are interested in. My kids get so many gifts - from us (the parents), grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents, close friends of mine and their best friends will usually get them a small gift or make them a card… they are certainly not deprived of the fun of gifts. Now they are 8 and above, they don’t want gifts - they prefer choosing a meal, an dessert, and hanging out with their friends.

[Anonymous]

"No gifts" = My child won't bring a gift.
"Gifts optional" = My child will bring a gift and I roll my eyes.

Gifts are an implied social obligation. You either relieve your guests of that obligation or you don't. Either is fine. Saying it's optional is a tacky middle ground where the host acknowledges the obligation and yet doesn't go as far as telling guests they are off the hook.

[Anonymous]

Oh my word, saying that would imply you think that presents are compulsory and expected, which they are not and never should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

You should just always give a gift to a child having a birthday party.

+1 why do parents in this area literally need to suck the fun out of the tradition of giving a child birthday gifts? This is a normal thing and kid gifts really do not need to be pricey at all.

Why? If we have received gifts in the past (we usually say no gifts but some people still bring them) we end up never using gifts them bc it’s not what my kids are interested in. My kids get so many gifts - from us (the parents), grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents, close friends of mine and their best friends will usually get them a small gift or make them a card… they are certainly not deprived of the fun of gifts. Now they are 8 and above, they don’t want gifts - they prefer choosing a meal, an dessert, and hanging out with their friends.

That is fine if that’s what works for you but my kids are over age 8 and are absolutely still touched when friends pick out a gift for them. Their favorites at this age have tended to be books that friends liked and selected for them. I think it’s a wonderful tradition. Heck, I’m 41 and I’d be touched if a friend sent me a book she liked and thought I might like for my birthday. I think it’s almost ostentatious to say no gifts because to me it says “we are so privileged we already have so much and you couldn’t possibly get us something we would like” which is actually kind of what you just said. I think it is condescending to guests and deprives guests and kids of the joy and connection of gift giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

You should just always give a gift to a child having a birthday party.

+1 why do parents in this area literally need to suck the fun out of the tradition of giving a child birthday gifts? This is a normal thing and kid gifts really do not need to be pricey at all.

Why? If we have received gifts in the past (we usually say no gifts but some people still bring them) we end up never using gifts them bc it’s not what my kids are interested in. My kids get so many gifts - from us (the parents), grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents, close friends of mine and their best friends will usually get them a small gift or make them a card… they are certainly not deprived of the fun of gifts. Now they are 8 and above, they don’t want gifts - they prefer choosing a meal, an dessert, and hanging out with their friends.

That is fine if that’s what works for you but my kids are over age 8 and are absolutely still touched when friends pick out a gift for them. Their favorites at this age have tended to be books that friends liked and selected for them. I think it’s a wonderful tradition. Heck, I’m 41 and I’d be touched if a friend sent me a book she liked and thought I might like for my birthday. I think it’s almost ostentatious to say no gifts because to me it says “we are so privileged we already have so much and you couldn’t possibly get us something we would like” which is actually kind of what you just said. I think it is condescending to guests and deprives guests and kids of the joy and connection of gift giving.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, either say no gifts, or say nothing at all.

This.

Yep. Pretty much. But as they get older this is less of an issue. I used to say “no gifts” but now at 11 and 12 is isn’t necessary. Parties are small, friends are closer, and there is less exchange is useless stuff. They are either given gift cards or something cool and hand made their friend put a lot of thought into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

You should just always give a gift to a child having a birthday party.

+1 why do parents in this area literally need to suck the fun out of the tradition of giving a child birthday gifts? This is a normal thing and kid gifts really do not need to be pricey at all.

Why? If we have received gifts in the past (we usually say no gifts but some people still bring them) we end up never using gifts them bc it’s not what my kids are interested in. My kids get so many gifts - from us (the parents), grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents, close friends of mine and their best friends will usually get them a small gift or make them a card… they are certainly not deprived of the fun of gifts. Now they are 8 and above, they don’t want gifts - they prefer choosing a meal, an dessert, and hanging out with their friends.

That is fine if that’s what works for you but my kids are over age 8 and are absolutely still touched when friends pick out a gift for them. Their favorites at this age have tended to be books that friends liked and selected for them. I think it’s a wonderful tradition. Heck, I’m 41 and I’d be touched if a friend sent me a book she liked and thought I might like for my birthday. I think it’s almost ostentatious to say no gifts because to me it says “we are so privileged we already have so much and you couldn’t possibly get us something we would like” which is actually kind of what you just said. I think it is condescending to guests and deprives guests and kids of the joy and connection of gift giving.

I agree.

+1. If your kids don’t need the gift or like it, have them donate it to a family homesless shelter or other similar organization. Better yet, go with your kids to give them out personally. Or save them and sponsee a local family and give them to these kids.