Any way to do a "presents optional" birthday party invite?

[Anonymous]

OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

[Anonymous]

Enough with the no gift drama. It’s rude to say anything. Let your kid have gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

I would never say this IRL but since this is anonymous I’ll say that as a parent of kids who have only had “no gifts” parties, I find it stressful and therefore a bit annoying when others don’t mention gifts in the invite (meaning we have to go get a gift) or else say “gifts optional” or “gifts not necessary” which to me basically still means we are required to go get a gift.

I’m sorry. I love kid bday parties (or rather my kids love them and I love to see my kids happy and having fun w friends) but I don’t know what to get for their friends, don’t know how much to spend, don’t want to have the chore of going out to buy something or ordering something and then wrap it. I know not everyone feels this way or minds. But to me it’s stressful when I have to go out and pick a Lego set or craft set or whatever for my kids’ friends, some of whom I barely know and none of whom I know well enough to know if they already have that toy/item. Obviously I do it when needed but I definitely think a little less of the parents when they don’t specify “no gifts” and take the stress out of attending a bday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

I would never say this IRL but since this is anonymous I’ll say that as a parent of kids who have only had “no gifts” parties, I find it stressful and therefore a bit annoying when others don’t mention gifts in the invite (meaning we have to go get a gift) or else say “gifts optional” or “gifts not necessary” which to me basically still means we are required to go get a gift.

I’m sorry. I love kid bday parties (or rather my kids love them and I love to see my kids happy and having fun w friends) but I don’t know what to get for their friends, don’t know how much to spend, don’t want to have the chore of going out to buy something or ordering something and then wrap it. I know not everyone feels this way or minds. But to me it’s stressful when I have to go out and pick a Lego set or craft set or whatever for my kids’ friends, some of whom I barely know and none of whom I know well enough to know if they already have that toy/item. Obviously I do it when needed but I definitely think a little less of the parents when they don’t specify “no gifts” and take the stress out of attending a bday party.

+1 to all of this, well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

I would never say this IRL but since this is anonymous I’ll say that as a parent of kids who have only had “no gifts” parties, I find it stressful and therefore a bit annoying when others don’t mention gifts in the invite (meaning we have to go get a gift) or else say “gifts optional” or “gifts not necessary” which to me basically still means we are required to go get a gift.

I’m sorry. I love kid bday parties (or rather my kids love them and I love to see my kids happy and having fun w friends) but I don’t know what to get for their friends, don’t know how much to spend, don’t want to have the chore of going out to buy something or ordering something and then wrap it. I know not everyone feels this way or minds. But to me it’s stressful when I have to go out and pick a Lego set or craft set or whatever for my kids’ friends, some of whom I barely know and none of whom I know well enough to know if they already have that toy/item. Obviously I do it when needed but I definitely think a little less of the parents when they don’t specify “no gifts” and take the stress out of attending a bday party.

Wow. What a life you just lead if buying a Lego set qualifies as “stressful.”

[Anonymous]

We do a book swap - everyone brings a wrapped book and drops it in a bin. I wrap a couple of extra books in case a kid doesn’t bring one or a sibling takes one. At the end of the party, the kids pick one from the bin. The books are also their party favors. We used to request no gifts, but it didn’t work. Asking them to bring something specific has eliminated the gift bringing. This also solves the goody bag issue that I find such a pain.

[Anonymous]

I’m PP with the book swap - I would never do a “presents optional” party. I also get annoyed if invitations are not explicit about gifts. If a party says “no gifts” I’ll have my kid write a card, no gift. If it doesn’t say anything, we bring a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

No. I don’t care and give it zero thought to whether we got a gift from them earlier in the year or whatever. I just really don’t care about giving or getting birthday gifts for child parties. If I don’t see “no gifts” on the invitation I go out and get
a $25 gift card to our local book store that I drive by several times per day. But if I forgot to, I wouldn’t be feel bad either. Every single child we are friends has plenty of stuff and gets gifts from family. Birthdays with friends are for celebrating together. My kids make cool homemade cards for all birthdays, as do many of their friends. These are saved and treasured

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

I would never say this IRL but since this is anonymous I’ll say that as a parent of kids who have only had “no gifts” parties, I find it stressful and therefore a bit annoying when others don’t mention gifts in the invite (meaning we have to go get a gift) or else say “gifts optional” or “gifts not necessary” which to me basically still means we are required to go get a gift.

I’m sorry. I love kid bday parties (or rather my kids love them and I love to see my kids happy and having fun w friends) but I don’t know what to get for their friends, don’t know how much to spend, don’t want to have the chore of going out to buy something or ordering something and then wrap it. I know not everyone feels this way or minds. But to me it’s stressful when I have to go out and pick a Lego set or craft set or whatever for my kids’ friends, some of whom I barely know and none of whom I know well enough to know if they already have that toy/item. Obviously I do it when needed but I definitely think a little less of the parents when they don’t specify “no gifts” and take the stress out of attending a bday party.

Wow. What a life you just lead if buying a Lego set qualifies as “stressful.”

Stress manifests itself in many ways. I can relate to the pp above and also stress about things like money and environmental waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, gift optional is the same as just saying nothing.

We've always gotten at least 1 or 2 gifts, even with a no gifts request.

I’ve done no gifts parties for years now, and have never received any gifts. I’d go with inviting fewer people and saying nothing if your kid really wants gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

I would never say this IRL but since this is anonymous I’ll say that as a parent of kids who have only had “no gifts” parties, I find it stressful and therefore a bit annoying when others don’t mention gifts in the invite (meaning we have to go get a gift) or else say “gifts optional” or “gifts not necessary” which to me basically still means we are required to go get a gift.

I’m sorry. I love kid bday parties (or rather my kids love them and I love to see my kids happy and having fun w friends) but I don’t know what to get for their friends, don’t know how much to spend, don’t want to have the chore of going out to buy something or ordering something and then wrap it. I know not everyone feels this way or minds. But to me it’s stressful when I have to go out and pick a Lego set or craft set or whatever for my kids’ friends, some of whom I barely know and none of whom I know well enough to know if they already have that toy/item. Obviously I do it when needed but I definitely think a little less of the parents when they don’t specify “no gifts” and take the stress out of attending a bday party.

I usually email an Amazon gift card when I don’t know what to get. Sometimes I’ve done this while I’m at the party, or right after drop off. It’s super easy and takes less than a minute.

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask guests to purchase a toy to donate to kids in need instead of bring one

https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/giving/ways-to-give/wish-list-for-donations/gifts-to-buy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

No, because I don't keep score. I'm not petty that way.

[Anonymous]

I wish we could collectively just agree that gifts are always optional, that no family should ever bring an extravagant gift, and also that no one will ever be resented for not bringing a gift. Could we make that a general rule?

The problem for us is that some of our friends do no gift parties and some don't, and if my kid goes to a party with gifts then of course she wants gifts. Also, we are not wealthy so it's not like our kid is getting showered with presents every birthday or Christmas. We also don't have much extended family so she might get one small thing from each set of grandparents but otherwise it's just us. I actually like the idea of having her friends give her (small) gifts and then we of course bring them gifts for their parties. But it's just hard because everyone has very different ideas of what is appropriate.

Lately (since my kid was old enough to care and ask if people are bringing gifts) we just say nothing about it on the invite and people make their own choice and we open them after everyone leaves and we make our kid write thank you notes. It's the best I can come up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So if you were a parent who threw a no-gifts party that my kid attended earlier this year which we did not bring a gift to, how would you feel about getting an invite that didn't mention gifts vs one that said "gifts optional" or "gifts are not necessary!" or something like that? Would you care either way?

I would never say this IRL but since this is anonymous I’ll say that as a parent of kids who have only had “no gifts” parties, I find it stressful and therefore a bit annoying when others don’t mention gifts in the invite (meaning we have to go get a gift) or else say “gifts optional” or “gifts not necessary” which to me basically still means we are required to go get a gift.

I’m sorry. I love kid bday parties (or rather my kids love them and I love to see my kids happy and having fun w friends) but I don’t know what to get for their friends, don’t know how much to spend, don’t want to have the chore of going out to buy something or ordering something and then wrap it. I know not everyone feels this way or minds. But to me it’s stressful when I have to go out and pick a Lego set or craft set or whatever for my kids’ friends, some of whom I barely know and none of whom I know well enough to know if they already have that toy/item. Obviously I do it when needed but I definitely think a little less of the parents when they don’t specify “no gifts” and take the stress out of attending a bday party.

Wow. What a life you just lead if buying a Lego set qualifies as “stressful.”

+1 Perhaps PP has only preschooler or younger kids. Mine is 3rd grade and its much more fun to go shopping with your child and have them pick a gift for their friend.