Any way to do a "presents optional" birthday party invite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that anyone even remotely interested in equity should be completely against gifts from friends at parties. It’s always very obvious who the less well off families are from what they give, and if it’s not obvious then it’s because a family is doing without something else so they can bring your child an appropriate gift. Nobody wants to be the odd person out giving a “cheap” gift. I was that kid and I usually found an excuse to not go to parties because it was a bad experience either way for me.

This makes no sense. My 2nd graders favorite store is 5 below. Get him a 5 dollar basketball or some slime and he will be thrilled. It’s gauche to open gifts at the party anyways so no one will know that you purchased the 5 below sparkly flashlight which, fyi, was the favorite present

It's just so excessive though! The comfort with waste- financial and environmental- is appalling. I'm not trying to sound judgy. I know I'm hypocritical in countless ways, but really, I just can't get excited for the kid who is going to open cheap slime, feel that rush of joy for like 30 seconds before moving on to the sparkly flashlight, which will end up in a corner of the basement forever by next weekend.

So, expensive junk is ok? Buy your kids less stuff, problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Say no gifts for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that anyone even remotely interested in equity should be completely against gifts from friends at parties. It’s always very obvious who the less well off families are from what they give, and if it’s not obvious then it’s because a family is doing without something else so they can bring your child an appropriate gift. Nobody wants to be the odd person out giving a “cheap” gift. I was that kid and I usually found an excuse to not go to parties because it was a bad experience either way for me.

This makes no sense. My 2nd graders favorite store is 5 below. Get him a 5 dollar basketball or some slime and he will be thrilled. It’s gauche to open gifts at the party anyways so no one will know that you purchased the 5 below sparkly flashlight which, fyi, was the favorite present

Every kids party I ever went to had the birthday kid opening presents in front of everybody. And I would never have the idea to buy something from that store. People with no money really don’t want to be the one bringing a $5 gift when everyone else brings one for $20+.

My oldest is 12, and we’ve been to probably 75 birthday parties. I have never seen anyone open gifts.

+1. I have also been to at least 60-70 parties among my 2 kids and have never seen gifts opened at a party. When I was a kid, yes, but not anymore.

[Anonymous]

For large all-class parties, specify “no gifts” and trust that you’ll get a few anyway. For parties with 8 or fewer guests who are intimate friends with the birthday child, gifts are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that anyone even remotely interested in equity should be completely against gifts from friends at parties. It’s always very obvious who the less well off families are from what they give, and if it’s not obvious then it’s because a family is doing without something else so they can bring your child an appropriate gift. Nobody wants to be the odd person out giving a “cheap” gift. I was that kid and I usually found an excuse to not go to parties because it was a bad experience either way for me.

This makes no sense. My 2nd graders favorite store is 5 below. Get him a 5 dollar basketball or some slime and he will be thrilled. It’s gauche to open gifts at the party anyways so no one will know that you purchased the 5 below sparkly flashlight which, fyi, was the favorite present

Every kids party I ever went to had the birthday kid opening presents in front of everybody. And I would never have the idea to buy something from that store. People with no money really don’t want to be the one bringing a $5 gift when everyone else brings one for $20+.

My oldest is 12, and we’ve been to probably 75 birthday parties. I have never seen anyone open gifts.

+1 I haven't been to as many as kid is younger but have been to zero parties where gifts were opened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could collectively just agree that gifts are always optional, that no family should ever bring an extravagant gift, and also that no one will ever be resented for not bringing a gift. Could we make that a general rule?

The problem for us is that some of our friends do no gift parties and some don't, and if my kid goes to a party with gifts then of course she wants gifts. Also, we are not wealthy so it's not like our kid is getting showered with presents every birthday or Christmas. We also don't have much extended family so she might get one small thing from each set of grandparents but otherwise it's just us. I actually like the idea of having her friends give her (small) gifts and then we of course bring them gifts for their parties. But it's just hard because everyone has very different ideas of what is appropriate.

Lately (since my kid was old enough to care and ask if people are bringing gifts) we just say nothing about it on the invite and people make their own choice and we open them after everyone leaves and we make our kid write thank you notes. It's the best I can come up with.

Yes, I wish we could all agree to that too!

[Anonymous]

For a large party, I agree saying "no gifts" is the way to go. Some will bring gifts, but I think at least it takes the pressure off people to spend a certain amount of money. I remember we did that for my son's party one year, and someone put a pack of mustache stickers in a card. That was his favorite gift!

For a small party (e.g., 4 friends), we don't say anything. But we certainly would not care AT ALL if someone didn't bring a gift (or just made a picture or card, depending on age).