How do your kids address their friends' parents?

[Anonymous]

I am Ms. Firstname. My husband is Mr. or Coach Firstname.

OP - please let this go. They probably belong to a culture where it is HEAVILY frowned upon to call people by their first names. He is super uncomfortable calling you by your first name. I know etiquette means he should refer to you as you ask, but he’s a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how your kids typically address their friends' parents (and how your kids' friends address you)?

My kids are 8 and 10. Their friends address me and my husband by our first names. And within our immediate kid-friend group this is the norm.

However, when my kids are meeting "new parents" initially, I will push Mr. & Mrs/Ms. unless they've previously initiated first name introductions (and my kids are still at an age when they're not really engaging with other parents that I haven't previously met).

i had a slight strange (to me) situation crop up recently where a friend of my son kept calling me Mrs. X (even after I said call me 'Y"). I emphasized this in front of the kid's mother and she said, that in their family "respect is important" (yes, she actually said that) and their children *always* address other parents by Mr./Mrs. But now it's kind of weird...because this kid was over last week with a couple of other friends of my son and the kid kept calling me Mrs. X while the other kids were calling me Y.

I guess I just leave it? It's awkward for me for the kid to be calling me Mrs. X (especially in the presence of other kids who just call me Y) but I don't want to cause problems with the other parent.

What's other people's experience on all of this. I'm used to first name usage - but maybe that's just our own social group????

At our school, everyone is called by their first name - teachers, students, parents. No apparent lack of respect.

But, yeah - just leave it. The kid is doing what their parents demand (despite it going against your wishes).

[Anonymous]

I teach my children "different families have different rules" <-- This family's rules are to call people Mr/s/rs. Last Name. Let it be.

[Anonymous]

Good question.

Certainly accept what other families want to do and ignore their implied judgement. Usually people should be called what they want to be called, but in this case, with a kid and their parents' rules, I'd let it go. If being called Mrs. Lastname was important to YOU and they refused, I think that would be a different story.

I prefer "Ms. Larla" because it conveys a little respect. but not too much lol. Also I grew up in the Indian culture and it reminds me more of what we used to do, which is "Larla Auntie".

I have a friend who prefers first name only. I forgot the first few times we hung out so I'd say to my kid things like "Ask Ms. Megan for a cup." and in a super chill way she'd say "just Megan". So now I tell my kids to call her Megan and I tell her kids to call me Larla. Happy to adapt to what they are more comfortable with. Gets complicated when more families/preferences are around, but you gotta go with the flow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Miss First Name is a southern thing. I was always called Mrs Last Name by my children’s friends. Using a first name from a kid is presumptive— they are not my friend.
I would not be comfortable with a child calling me by my first name, but you do you.

+1 i adopted the miss first name when i moved to dc. It’s respectful yet not too stuffy. It’s how we called our kids’ daycare teachers, snd now that they are 10 and 13, they call their friends’ that. I just had 4 girls sleepover. I noticed they all called me Miss first name and I appreciated it.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me feel really old because I have never heard kids call anyone’s parents simply by their first name. When our kids were small most kids used Mr/Mrs Firstname. But once they hit about 3rd grade, everyone called parents Mr/Mrs Lastname.

[Anonymous]

My child has had a few friends since she was a toddler and I am close friends with their mothers. They call me Miss (first name). Friends she met later or through school call me Mrs. (last name). My family is AA and from the South. We weren’t allowed to call adults by their first names unless they were as close as family. Even then, we had to call them Aunt or Uncle (first name).

[Anonymous]

For parents of his friends: Ms/Mr Last Name.

For parents of his friends who are also family friends or my friends: Auntie/Uncle First Name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t allow my kids to call adults by their first name. Please don’t try to override the parents on this.

+1000

+3. My DC is not allowed to call adults by their first names. Adults are not her friends or peers. It is Ms./Mr. A few very close friends of mine she has auntie type nicknames for them.

Try to let it go OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t allow my kids to call adults by their first name. Please don’t try to override the parents on this.

+1000

+3. My DC is not allowed to call adults by their first names. Adults are not her friends or peers. It is Ms./Mr. A few very close friends of mine she has auntie type nicknames for them.

Try to let it go OP.

Oh, and I still call my friends parents Mrs/ Mr X. Since childhood that hasn’t changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me feel really old because I have never heard kids call anyone’s parents simply by their first name. When our kids were small most kids used Mr/Mrs Firstname. But once they hit about 3rd grade, everyone called parents Mr/Mrs Lastname.

How old are you and where do you live?

I'm 48 and live in the DMV. DH and I grew up in completely different cultures but no adult was called by only their first name ever in either culture. It was completely shocking to me the first time I heard an elementary schooler call our 60 year old neighbor by her first name. But we have definitely changed. We have teenagers and our rule is to start with the most formal form of address: Mr/Ms/Dr/Coach Last Name. However, if the person asks you to call them something else, call them something else. IF they don't address it, continue as is.

For the people they have known since they were very little it's more likely to be Mr/Ms First Name.

It was real mental shift for me to let my kids call adults by their first names if requested, and sometimes it still feels wrong. But ultimately we decided that our value is that our children address people as they wish to be addressed, not as we wish them to be addressed.

OP - I agree with others. Don't override the parents. I'm not sure I get why you see an issue you need to correct.

[Anonymous]

Weird

[Anonymous]

What would noted child raising expert Dr. Benjamin Spock say about this?
True story: as a child, in the early 1940s, I lived next door to Dr. Spock and his family. Their children called them both by their first names. "Bengie" for him as I recall.

[Anonymous]

Friends of the family: just first name or Auntie first name

Friend’s parents: Mr/Ms last name by default, but whatever address the other parent requests if specified

Not at all unusual or offensive to have a kid stick with Mrs Y after you’ve asked for X unless your last name isn’t Y or Mrs is not your correct address. If you’re divorced or kept your maiden name redirect the kid by telling them you’re actually Ms Z or whatever; don’t force them to use first name if they’re not comfortable. My parents/culture growing up was that kids didn’t address adults by first name so I called every single one of my professors and TAs Prof/Dr/Mr/Ms until I was in grad school regardless of how they signed their emails etc.

[Anonymous]

I would let it go. Im not sure why you think it's awkward.