I wish it was ok to have babies in your mid 40s.

[Anonymous]

It depends on who is around you. I had a baby at 37 and my family all think I was ancient and my mom is constantly looking for signs my child has developmental issues or ADHD or autism because she's convinced my body was too old to conceive. Meanwhile now I am 42 and kind of want to have another kid and my two closest friends are like DO IT, it will be fine and you're a great mom. The truth is that it's absolutely possible and among urban professionals is not even considered strange at all. But OP is right some people look down on it and will judge you forever.

But one thing I've learned about being a mom is that this is true no matter what. Like literally any choice you make (or that gets made for you by circumstance, let's get real about how much control women actually have over a lot of this), someone will judge you either way. They judge you for having kids early or late, for having too many or too few, for breastfeeding or not, for co-sleeping or not, for how you dress your kid, for whether you work and how much, for what kind of childcare you get, for where your kids go to school, for where you live, for who their dad is, and on and on forever. No matter what you do, SOMEONE is going to decide it's the wrong thing and you're a bad mom.

In a way, having a kid mid-40s helps with this because you've already done something people think is transgressive. That's liberating. If you can have a baby at 45 and deal with the haters (and there will be haters), then when the pitchforks come for you because of what your kid eats or how their hair looks, it won't even register. Sounds good!

[Anonymous]

It is ok to have kids mid forties. You may have trouble getting pregnant, have a higher chance of miscarriage if you do get pregnant and higher chance of genetic abnormalities. You will likely also have less energy than in your 20s and 30s.

I am 44 and my youngest is now 5. I am no longer sleep deprived and I don’t have to chase and pick up kids anymore and I’m just tired all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on who is around you. I had a baby at 37 and my family all think I was ancient and my mom is constantly looking for signs my child has developmental issues or ADHD or autism because she's convinced my body was too old to conceive. Meanwhile now I am 42 and kind of want to have another kid and my two closest friends are like DO IT, it will be fine and you're a great mom. The truth is that it's absolutely possible and among urban professionals is not even considered strange at all. But OP is right some people look down on it and will judge you forever.

But one thing I've learned about being a mom is that this is true no matter what. Like literally any choice you make (or that gets made for you by circumstance, let's get real about how much control women actually have over a lot of this), someone will judge you either way. They judge you for having kids early or late, for having too many or too few, for breastfeeding or not, for co-sleeping or not, for how you dress your kid, for whether you work and how much, for what kind of childcare you get, for where your kids go to school, for where you live, for who their dad is, and on and on forever. No matter what you do, SOMEONE is going to decide it's the wrong thing and you're a bad mom.

In a way, having a kid mid-40s helps with this because you've already done something people think is transgressive. That's liberating. If you can have a baby at 45 and deal with the haters (and there will be haters), then when the pitchforks come for you because of what your kid eats or how their hair looks, it won't even register. Sounds good!

Are you on meds?

[Anonymous]

It is selfish and not ok. Not only because of the health risks involved but because you’re denying the child the right to be raised by somebody who is actually going to be around long enough to be a decent grandparent.

[Anonymous]

Many people on this thread seem to suffer from the delusion that other people care what they do. Even if people judge you they generally do so silently. If you want to have a baby, go for it. But don’t go pretending that having a kid in your mid-40s is some badge of honor. The fact is you will be an older parent and run a higher risk of health challenges for your kid and yourself. That’s just facts. Any hesitation you may feel could be rooted in the fact that you know it might not be as great an idea as it sounds. Speaking for myself, I felt pretty great until about 46 and then it’s like I aged all at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people on this thread seem to suffer from the delusion that other people care what they do. Even if people judge you they generally do so silently. If you want to have a baby, go for it. But don’t go pretending that having a kid in your mid-40s is some badge of honor. The fact is you will be an older parent and run a higher risk of health challenges for your kid and yourself. That’s just facts. Any hesitation you may feel could be rooted in the fact that you know it might not be as great an idea as it sounds. Speaking for myself, I felt pretty great until about 46 and then it’s like I aged all at once.

Did anyone claim it as a badge of honor? So odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on who is around you. I had a baby at 37 and my family all think I was ancient and my mom is constantly looking for signs my child has developmental issues or ADHD or autism because she's convinced my body was too old to conceive. Meanwhile now I am 42 and kind of want to have another kid and my two closest friends are like DO IT, it will be fine and you're a great mom. The truth is that it's absolutely possible and among urban professionals is not even considered strange at all. But OP is right some people look down on it and will judge you forever.

But one thing I've learned about being a mom is that this is true no matter what. Like literally any choice you make (or that gets made for you by circumstance, let's get real about how much control women actually have over a lot of this), someone will judge you either way. They judge you for having kids early or late, for having too many or too few, for breastfeeding or not, for co-sleeping or not, for how you dress your kid, for whether you work and how much, for what kind of childcare you get, for where your kids go to school, for where you live, for who their dad is, and on and on forever. No matter what you do, SOMEONE is going to decide it's the wrong thing and you're a bad mom.

In a way, having a kid mid-40s helps with this because you've already done something people think is transgressive. That's liberating. If you can have a baby at 45 and deal with the haters (and there will be haters), then when the pitchforks come for you because of what your kid eats or how their hair looks, it won't even register. Sounds good!

Are you on meds?

Do you always joke about mental illness when you disagree with someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people on this thread seem to suffer from the delusion that other people care what they do. Even if people judge you they generally do so silently. If you want to have a baby, go for it. But don’t go pretending that having a kid in your mid-40s is some badge of honor. The fact is you will be an older parent and run a higher risk of health challenges for your kid and yourself. That’s just facts. Any hesitation you may feel could be rooted in the fact that you know it might not be as great an idea as it sounds. Speaking for myself, I felt pretty great until about 46 and then it’s like I aged all at once.

Did anyone claim it as a badge of honor? So odd.

Yes, someone on the forum did in a bizarre post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You'll have to complain to Nature, who makes bodies age and dramatically increases the risk of embryonic genetic abnormalities in our late 30s and 40s, which in turn increases the number of early miscarriages, malformations, and children with autism and other disorders.

I know of no social pressure. Actually the social pressure is mostly trending the other direction. I raised eyebrows as a 25 year old pregnant woman but was able to have babies at 25 and 30 that were relatively healthy. I had a miscarriage at 42.

The ultimate decision-maker here is your own gametes and their re-assortment, not your brain or anyone else's brain. You can ignore judgment, you can't ignore your body.

Thank god, I would be incredible embarrassed that at age 17, my mother would be pregnant again.

If you are 17 and on DCUM, you should already be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on who is around you. I had a baby at 37 and my family all think I was ancient and my mom is constantly looking for signs my child has developmental issues or ADHD or autism because she's convinced my body was too old to conceive. Meanwhile now I am 42 and kind of want to have another kid and my two closest friends are like DO IT, it will be fine and you're a great mom. The truth is that it's absolutely possible and among urban professionals is not even considered strange at all. But OP is right some people look down on it and will judge you forever.

But one thing I've learned about being a mom is that this is true no matter what. Like literally any choice you make (or that gets made for you by circumstance, let's get real about how much control women actually have over a lot of this), someone will judge you either way. They judge you for having kids early or late, for having too many or too few, for breastfeeding or not, for co-sleeping or not, for how you dress your kid, for whether you work and how much, for what kind of childcare you get, for where your kids go to school, for where you live, for who their dad is, and on and on forever. No matter what you do, SOMEONE is going to decide it's the wrong thing and you're a bad mom.

In a way, having a kid mid-40s helps with this because you've already done something people think is transgressive. That's liberating. If you can have a baby at 45 and deal with the haters (and there will be haters), then when the pitchforks come for you because of what your kid eats or how their hair looks, it won't even register. Sounds good!

Are you on meds?

Do you always joke about mental illness when you disagree with someone?

Wasn’t meant as a joke. Obviously, you are sensitive to having mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You'll have to complain to Nature, who makes bodies age and dramatically increases the risk of embryonic genetic abnormalities in our late 30s and 40s, which in turn increases the number of early miscarriages, malformations, and children with autism and other disorders.

I know of no social pressure. Actually the social pressure is mostly trending the other direction. I raised eyebrows as a 25 year old pregnant woman but was able to have babies at 25 and 30 that were relatively healthy. I had a miscarriage at 42.

The ultimate decision-maker here is your own gametes and their re-assortment, not your brain or anyone else's brain. You can ignore judgment, you can't ignore your body.

Thank god, I would be incredible embarrassed that at age 17, my mother would be pregnant again.

If you are 17 and on DCUM, you should already be embarrassed.

Apparently, there’s an acceptable age to post on DCUM where you are safe from embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You'll have to complain to Nature, who makes bodies age and dramatically increases the risk of embryonic genetic abnormalities in our late 30s and 40s, which in turn increases the number of early miscarriages, malformations, and children with autism and other disorders.

I know of no social pressure. Actually the social pressure is mostly trending the other direction. I raised eyebrows as a 25 year old pregnant woman but was able to have babies at 25 and 30 that were relatively healthy. I had a miscarriage at 42.

The ultimate decision-maker here is your own gametes and their re-assortment, not your brain or anyone else's brain. You can ignore judgment, you can't ignore your body.

Thank god, I would be incredible embarrassed that at age 17, my mother would be pregnant again.

If you are 17 and on DCUM, you should already be embarrassed.

DP. You should be embarrassed responding to a minor on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You'll have to complain to Nature, who makes bodies age and dramatically increases the risk of embryonic genetic abnormalities in our late 30s and 40s, which in turn increases the number of early miscarriages, malformations, and children with autism and other disorders.

I know of no social pressure. Actually the social pressure is mostly trending the other direction. I raised eyebrows as a 25 year old pregnant woman but was able to have babies at 25 and 30 that were relatively healthy. I had a miscarriage at 42.

The ultimate decision-maker here is your own gametes and their re-assortment, not your brain or anyone else's brain. You can ignore judgment, you can't ignore your body.

Thank god, I would be incredible embarrassed that at age 17, my mother would be pregnant again.

If you are 17 and on DCUM, you should already be embarrassed.

Ohhh, the irony!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is selfish and not ok. Not only because of the health risks involved but because you’re denying the child the right to be raised by somebody who is actually going to be around long enough to be a decent grandparent.

Plenty of young parents become crappy grandparents.

[Anonymous]

It’s easy you just need a penis.