Lack of In-law Support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is kind of confusing , but it sounds like your SIL has consistently been the primary caregiver for your in-laws (even when she herself had young kids and your husband was single) but now that you also have kids you are upset that your husband is being asked to help care for his parents?

I don’t think he should be demanded to leave when we have zero support. They aren’t the only ones with a need for support. They took the support from us and just keep demanding.

It’s not your SIL’s fault that you don’t have family support on your side nor is it an acceptable reason for your DH to foist all parental care on her. From the time described your child is no longer a newborn and you need to stop expecting everyone to cater to you. You definitely sound like the selfish one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shouldn’t have even posted this. I guess everyone will feel pity for the elder care needs - I do too and got taken because no one seems to care that we never get a break either. I guess it’s too much to ask people who you gave so much time and help to to check in. It seems basic courtesy to me but maybe not.

You don’t have a baby assuming other family members will take care of it for you. That’s what hiring babysitters and Nannie’s is for. You do for others out of the goodness of your heart, not for a return on the investment.

Do you not read? I am sad that they don’t ask how I/we are after all we’ve done. I’m not expecting anyone to help because I have sympathy and respect their needs. What I have an issue with is taking advantage of my kindness and ignorance before I married in and then not even getting a how are you text or an acknowledgement that it may be too hard for us to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is kind of confusing , but it sounds like your SIL has consistently been the primary caregiver for your in-laws (even when she herself had young kids and your husband was single) but now that you also have kids you are upset that your husband is being asked to help care for his parents?

I don’t think he should be demanded to leave when we have zero support. They aren’t the only ones with a need for support. They took the support from us and just keep demanding.

It’s not your SIL’s fault that you don’t have family support on your side nor is it an acceptable reason for your DH to foist all parental care on her. From the time described your child is no longer a newborn and you need to stop expecting everyone to cater to you. You definitely sound like the selfish one.

Wow - what harsh and horrible people on this board. I guess that no one gives a crap when someone else has needs. Our need is to be respected to Ben’s family. She has stonewalled and ignored us during a time of need. She isn’t the only one with problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I shouldn’t have even posted this. I guess everyone will feel pity for the elder care needs - I do too and got taken because no one seems to care that we never get a break either. I guess it’s too much to ask people who you gave so much time and help to to check in. It seems basic courtesy to me but maybe not.

We feel pity for your SIL- who you yourself have admitted is doing the majority of the care for two elderly parents while you are still expecting to be catered to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

+1. SIL has raised a few kids, alone, and is now taking care of 2 parents. That's a lot of people. And OP is drowning with one kid in daycare and two parents taking care of it? She's mad she had to do the dishes once while pregnant? Does OP realize lots of women work standing on their feet up until they deliver? Or if she has another baby she'll be doing lots of things "while heavily" pregnant and won't be fawned over and allowed to sit with her feet up all day? You need a reality check, OP. Your in-laws were never going to swoop in and make it all easy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

That’s incorrect but thanks for jumping on her train like everyone else. She is the selfish one to ask a lot of everyone and not even check in. It’s not what family ought to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shouldn’t have even posted this. I guess everyone will feel pity for the elder care needs - I do too and got taken because no one seems to care that we never get a break either. I guess it’s too much to ask people who you gave so much time and help to to check in. It seems basic courtesy to me but maybe not.

You don’t have a baby assuming other family members will take care of it for you. That’s what hiring babysitters and Nannie’s is for. You do for others out of the goodness of your heart, not for a return on the investment.

Do you not read? I am sad that they don’t ask how I/we are after all we’ve done. I’m not expecting anyone to help because I have sympathy and respect their needs. What I have an issue with is taking advantage of my kindness and ignorance before I married in and then not even getting a how are you text or an acknowledgement that it may be too hard for us to help.

It’s not too hard for ‘us’ to help. It’s too hard for you. They’re not asking you to leave your toddler but their son is obligated to take some of the weight off his sister’s shoulders. And they did ask how you are, you’re just mad that apparently they didn’t drop medically ill seniors to listen to you complain about being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

+1. SIL has raised a few kids, alone, and is now taking care of 2 parents. That's a lot of people. And OP is drowning with one kid in daycare and two parents taking care of it? She's mad she had to do the dishes once while pregnant? Does OP realize lots of women work standing on their feet up until they deliver? Or if she has another baby she'll be doing lots of things "while heavily" pregnant and won't be fawned over and allowed to sit with her feet up all day? You need a reality check, OP. Your in-laws were never going to swoop in and make it all easy for you.

SIL isn’t a single mom. She had help from her partner and parents and my DH on occasion. Also, I just ask that she not make my life harder by demanding my husband leave. I have no reason to care for someone who took advantage of me taking her parents to the bathroom for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

That’s incorrect but thanks for jumping on her train like everyone else. She is the selfish one to ask a lot of everyone and not even check in. It’s not what family ought to be.

She did check in - you said so yourself. Is she supposed to get a report every week while handling everything else herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

+1. SIL has raised a few kids, alone, and is now taking care of 2 parents. That's a lot of people. And OP is drowning with one kid in daycare and two parents taking care of it? She's mad she had to do the dishes once while pregnant? Does OP realize lots of women work standing on their feet up until they deliver? Or if she has another baby she'll be doing lots of things "while heavily" pregnant and won't be fawned over and allowed to sit with her feet up all day? You need a reality check, OP. Your in-laws were never going to swoop in and make it all easy for you.

SIL isn’t a single mom. She had help from her partner and parents and my DH on occasion. Also, I just ask that she not make my life harder by demanding my husband leave. I have no reason to care for someone who took advantage of me taking her parents to the bathroom for years.

Why does your husband do what she tells him? Why aren't you taking this up with him instead of blaming her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shouldn’t have even posted this. I guess everyone will feel pity for the elder care needs - I do too and got taken because no one seems to care that we never get a break either. I guess it’s too much to ask people who you gave so much time and help to to check in. It seems basic courtesy to me but maybe not.

You don’t have a baby assuming other family members will take care of it for you. That’s what hiring babysitters and Nannie’s is for. You do for others out of the goodness of your heart, not for a return on the investment.

Do you not read? I am sad that they don’t ask how I/we are after all we’ve done. I’m not expecting anyone to help because I have sympathy and respect their needs. What I have an issue with is taking advantage of my kindness and ignorance before I married in and then not even getting a how are you text or an acknowledgement that it may be too hard for us to help.

It’s not too hard for ‘us’ to help. It’s too hard for you. They’re not asking you to leave your toddler but their son is obligated to take some of the weight off his sister’s shoulders. And they did ask how you are, you’re just mad that apparently they didn’t drop medically ill seniors to listen to you complain about being a parent.[/quot

Nope he’s not. They need to be in a nursing home. They have the means and she won’t do it or discuss it. It’s not a conversation. I am not going to be miserable for years as a single mom basically so she can boss us all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

+1. SIL has raised a few kids, alone, and is now taking care of 2 parents. That's a lot of people. And OP is drowning with one kid in daycare and two parents taking care of it? She's mad she had to do the dishes once while pregnant? Does OP realize lots of women work standing on their feet up until they deliver? Or if she has another baby she'll be doing lots of things "while heavily" pregnant and won't be fawned over and allowed to sit with her feet up all day? You need a reality check, OP. Your in-laws were never going to swoop in and make it all easy for you.

SIL isn’t a single mom. She had help from her partner and parents and my DH on occasion. Also, I just ask that she not make my life harder by demanding my husband leave. I have no reason to care for someone who took advantage of me taking her parents to the bathroom for years.

Okay but it’s not like your husband is literally at her house renovating her kitchen for her. He’s taking care of his parents as he should. Where are your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect her to do anything for me. Just ask how are you.

She asked you and you said "not great".

Not after I had a kid. She said nothing. And she actually didn’t ask how u was that time she just went me an overly positive thank you message even though she knew I was going through a crisis. When I said it’s not great she ignored me.

She has multiple kids and no spouse. You have one kid. And she’s taking care of their parents single-handedly.

Get over yourself.

+1. SIL has raised a few kids, alone, and is now taking care of 2 parents. That's a lot of people. And OP is drowning with one kid in daycare and two parents taking care of it? She's mad she had to do the dishes once while pregnant? Does OP realize lots of women work standing on their feet up until they deliver? Or if she has another baby she'll be doing lots of things "while heavily" pregnant and won't be fawned over and allowed to sit with her feet up all day? You need a reality check, OP. Your in-laws were never going to swoop in and make it all easy for you.

SIL isn’t a single mom. She had help from her partner and parents and my DH on occasion. Also, I just ask that she not make my life harder by demanding my husband leave. I have no reason to care for someone who took advantage of me taking her parents to the bathroom for years.

Why does your husband do what she tells him? Why aren't you taking this up with him instead of blaming her?

I try to talk to him and he yells and throws things at me. He refuses to actually talk to her about it and just does whatever she demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is kind of confusing , but it sounds like your SIL has consistently been the primary caregiver for your in-laws (even when she herself had young kids and your husband was single) but now that you also have kids you are upset that your husband is being asked to help care for his parents?

I don’t think he should be demanded to leave when we have zero support. They aren’t the only ones with a need for support. They took the support from us and just keep demanding.

It’s not your SIL’s fault that you don’t have family support on your side nor is it an acceptable reason for your DH to foist all parental care on her. From the time described your child is no longer a newborn and you need to stop expecting everyone to cater to you. You definitely sound like the selfish one.

Wow - what harsh and horrible people on this board. I guess that no one gives a crap when someone else has needs. Our need is to be respected to Ben’s family. She has stonewalled and ignored us during a time of need. She isn’t the only one with problems.

You literally claimed that you told your SIL that you while you felt bad about her needs (for help caring for your in-laws) your family came first….so you’re not really one to talk.