Women who divorce after 40 -- did anyone successfully find new partners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a lover. Just be careful.

This is the answer

Do not do this. Getting caught puts you at risk to lose even more than deciding to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He would get half the marital share of the retirement but not the whole half.

It's half the share while you have been married.

It depends how bad day to day is.

If you want to be married, stay married.

I divorced at 42 but had and still have no intention of being married ever again.

If you want to divorce later, you will be paying more and potential permanent alimony if in VA.

I would not stay to only divorce later. But don't divorce if you think you can just find another spouse. It may not happen.

I would stay if the husband was helpful with the kids and overall a positive in the household other than to me. Just separate and don't divorce and make that clear to the kids and have some ground rules for the house. Live in different rooms or something. Raising kids is hard work and expensive. Just being practical.

[Anonymous]

Just look at your DH as a business partner in raising a family and keeping a home life. Concentrate on working on yourself and your own happiness. Find a hobby like a beginning tennis clinic or an art class, something you've always wanted to try. Find things outside of family that make you feel good about yourself again. Many, many people have so-so marriages that are just hobbling along, that are being kept together for the kids and the finances. The more you learn to love yourself and your life, the less important your lack of love life with your husband will be. Or maybe, you will find someone else along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a lover. Just be careful.

This is the answer

Do not do this. Getting caught puts you at risk to lose even more than deciding to divorce.

That is not true in most states. It won't effect anything.

[Anonymous]

Don't be ashamed to admit you want to be married. What's wrong with wanting loving partnership? But be ok with being on your own, at least as a thought exercise. I know it sounds corny to recommend this, but read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It's somewhat specific to people who are involved with addicts or addicts themselves, but it is helpful to ANYONE who hopes someone else's behavior will change. I return to it a lot, and apply it to all of my relationships - with my spouse, parents, kids, siblings, coworkers, and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a lover. Just be careful.

This is the answer

Do not do this. Getting caught puts you at risk to lose even more than deciding to divorce.

That is not true in most states. It won't effect anything.

and OP stated that she was free to have an open marriage, which IMO means he is stepping out too.

[Anonymous]

My partner and I both divorced our respective spouses in our mid-50s and we met a few years later, as empty nesters. We’ve been together for more than a year now, and one of our exes has re-partnered as well. It happens. It takes some introspection (and therapy helps) as to why one’s first marriage failed, so as to not fall into the same destructive patterns again.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who divorced with two kids. She is smart and attractive but still single (she does want to find someone new but hasn't) and hasn't found a full-time job due to childcare issues and lack of a resume. Her ex-H, on the other hand who in many ways is a man-child, immediately found a long-term girlfriend. Unless a woman already has someone else lined up, the ex-wife will fare worse. there are more women willing to play stepmom than men willing to play stepdad.

[Anonymous]

Myself and a few of my friends have divorced with kids, and all but one are remarried. I married a man who had no kids, and he is a step parent to my 3 kids. My best friend also remarried a man with no kids and he step parents her 2 kids. It can and does happen.

I divorced because the thought of staying with my ex and raise kids with him just became too unbearable. He didn’t show me love, was constantly angry, yelled at us, and my kids were modeling his behavior. My best friend left her ex because he was having multiple affairs. Some marriages need to end.

You’ve made it this far carrying all the weight. You can do it. I hate these DCUM, because all you’ll hear is that you’ll end up alone and miserable. I’m infinitely happier now.

[Anonymous]

I stayed single for four years to focus on my kids. With all in middle/high now I have an amazing lover who is 5 years younger than me. Our non parenting time lines up perfectly- which is what makes him perfect.

I’m not looking to remarry- but just finding an amazing partner was not easy. I’m not willing to blend families or remarry so I date a very different sort of man then you’d be looking for. I think with three young kids you will have to be prepared to either really settle (down) or spend a good long chunk of time raising the family you’ve chosen to make.

I hope you find peace in staying or the strength to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stayed single for four years to focus on my kids. With all in middle/high now I have an amazing lover who is 5 years younger than me. Our non parenting time lines up perfectly- which is what makes him perfect.

I’m not looking to remarry- but just finding an amazing partner was not easy. I’m not willing to blend families or remarry so I date a very different sort of man then you’d be looking for. I think with three young kids you will have to be prepared to either really settle (down) or spend a good long chunk of time raising the family you’ve chosen to make.

I hope you find peace in staying or the strength to leave.

Curious to find out where you found your AP..

[Anonymous]

He’s not an affair partner/ we are both single. We are exclusive. We just are not progressing towards cohabitating or marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Myself and a few of my friends have divorced with kids, and all but one are remarried. I married a man who had no kids, and he is a step parent to my 3 kids. My best friend also remarried a man with no kids and he step parents her 2 kids. It can and does happen.

I divorced because the thought of staying with my ex and raise kids with him just became too unbearable. He didn’t show me love, was constantly angry, yelled at us, and my kids were modeling his behavior. My best friend left her ex because he was having multiple affairs. Some marriages need to end.

You’ve made it this far carrying all the weight. You can do it. I hate these DCUM, because all you’ll hear is that you’ll end up alone and miserable. I’m infinitely happier now.

How did you and your friends meet your husbands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Myself and a few of my friends have divorced with kids, and all but one are remarried. I married a man who had no kids, and he is a step parent to my 3 kids. My best friend also remarried a man with no kids and he step parents her 2 kids. It can and does happen.

I divorced because the thought of staying with my ex and raise kids with him just became too unbearable. He didn’t show me love, was constantly angry, yelled at us, and my kids were modeling his behavior. My best friend left her ex because he was having multiple affairs. Some marriages need to end.

You’ve made it this far carrying all the weight. You can do it. I hate these DCUM, because all you’ll hear is that you’ll end up alone and miserable. I’m infinitely happier now.

How did you and your friends meet your husbands?

Match.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Myself and a few of my friends have divorced with kids, and all but one are remarried. I married a man who had no kids, and he is a step parent to my 3 kids. My best friend also remarried a man with no kids and he step parents her 2 kids. It can and does happen.

I divorced because the thought of staying with my ex and raise kids with him just became too unbearable. He didn’t show me love, was constantly angry, yelled at us, and my kids were modeling his behavior. My best friend left her ex because he was having multiple affairs. Some marriages need to end.

You’ve made it this far carrying all the weight. You can do it. I hate these DCUM, because all you’ll hear is that you’ll end up alone and miserable. I’m infinitely happier now.

How did you and your friends meet your husbands?

Shopping in the Broken Toy Aisle.