I feel like my relationship with my kid's IEP team often become adversarial

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Retired special educator here. I worked positively with so many families. Then there were the parents who wanted their child to receive every accommodation in the book, which were all not warranted. One family made a big fuss about the kid needing headphones to block out sound, but the kid never used them in class and said he didn’t want them. He had great behavior and solid grades.

I was in some IEPs where the advocate came loaded for bear and seemed to think we were put to cheat the family, and I knew several advocates who kept mentioning their own, severely impacted, children, whose needs were much different than the child’s in question.

I have also seen situations where admin absolutely denied services or met ahead of time to say what they were going to agree in the IEP. The teachers really have little recourse here, if they want to save their jobs. Your best bet, if you have a difficult situation, is to insist on the district special ed representative attending the meeting, and then appealing up the chain.

Presume positive intent, and be clear and respectful as you appeal.

This is illegal - and as an observer of this there should be a process to be a Whistle Blower. This clearly happens at our school because the special education teachers are silent when asked a question about their experiences.

There already is a way to whistle blow as a teacher. You immediately contact your principal's supervisor and the director of special education compliance in the central office, as well as your union rep. You also have to have the balls to push back against your admin and tell them NO, you are not going to break the law for them. The saving your job thing is bs. There will never be a shortage of open special educator jobs in our lifetime. It's so easy to find another school if needed, why would you willingly choose a place where your boss is comfortable breaking the law?

[Anonymous]

As long as you're not cursing the team out or throwing furniture, you're good. Nothing wrong with applying a little pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I've had 13 IEP meetings for DS from K to 11th grade.
They've occurred at 3 different schools.

I've had nothing but positive interactions with the IEP teams, as well as in communications throughout the years.

Three reasons:

1. It's a fact-driven analysis. You can use emotion to tug at the heartstrings, but at the end of the day, the team will look at the facts and the numbers. And that's as it should be. As a research scientist, I fully approve.

2. Get the facts to speak for you. Gather data. Present it clearly. If you can afford it, get Stixrud or other reputable psychology office to evaluate your child and send a full report, written in language your school system understands (very important), to have the weight of credible experts on your side.

3. Don't ask for anything the data does not support. It makes you look greedy and unreasonable, and credibility is very important in this game. Stay aware that there are only so much resources to go around, and plenty of other needy kids at the school.

4. Sometimes a child needs significantly more than the school can provide (this is different from the necessary support families provide to their children regardless of what they receive at school). Private placements are expensive and rare, but you can fight for it. Families also end up homeschooling or finding smaller educational settings for their kids.

First PP here 1-3 are what I meant when I said that I prepared and that not everything I wanted for my son was possible. You explained this well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always had a good relationship with my sons IEP teams. I attribute it to a lot of work on my part and a recognition that at least most people cared that my son succeed and no one wanted him to fail. I was always prepared for meetings which was a lot of work.

I understood my sons needs really well and recognized that the school couldn’t fix him and that not everything I wanted for him was possible. I also recognized that not everything had to be done now - some goals could wait.

I advocated but never crossed the line into disrespectful. I did my part in that when he needed extra services I got them and I worked with him at home. I stayed very involved with the school and people who taught and supported my son. I recognized that they were the experts in education, not me but I knew my son better than they did - we brought different things to the table.

I didn’t spend too much time on form over substance, like arguing about how the goal was written. What mattered was what they were going to do to get my son to the next level so I was more interested in the interventions.

In the end my son got everything he needed including a special placement, 1:1services and a HS diploma. I have always been grateful to everyone who was a part of making that happen and I made sure they knew how much I appreciated them.

This feels like astroturfing. Are you a school employee? MCPS and other large districts actively try - in some schools - to prevent IEP goals from being fulfilled for many reasons, often based on promotion goals. (My conjecture). MCPS spends millions every year fighting families with outside counsel who have kids on IEPs. If you are a real person I’m glad you found that perfect balance between being assertive and kind for your child. I doubt very much this perfect balance actually exists. I think both the suggestion to ‘push’ and the suggestion to ‘get along’ is pretty much a Hobson’s choice in a place like MCPS. It’s why we left. There are other districts where this can happen but you’ve got to find the right culture. It does not exist in certain school districts.

There will always be that poster who accuses anyone who has had a good experience of being a MCPS employee. I am not. I am a MCPS parent and I do not see the school system through your eyes. Some of us (and probably most of us) know or learn how to be a productive member of the IEP team and how to make sure our kids get what they need.

I do think that some parents want more from the school than the law provides - which is why the school systems are generally successful in challenges. And I am one of those parents. But I didn’t expect the school to do it all. I did expect that my son would get the education to which he was entitled and MCPS did not disappoint me or my son.

Sorry but you may not speak as a direct employee but someone in the family works in the system. Everyone in Moco has a family member who works for MCPS. This ‘pitch’ is just too perfect coming at the beginning of the school year. Sorry to be the tiger at your picnic but there are determined forces in MCPS that are hell bent on not providing FAPE for many reasons to many children - all the money they spend in outside counsel fighting families on IEP proves my point. Your one anecdote is just that - an anecdote. And frankly any parent worth their salt will understand the law and fight to ensure their child receives a fair shake. You are not the only ‘educated’ parent on Special Ed law. The smugness is incredible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Retired special educator here. I worked positively with so many families. Then there were the parents who wanted their child to receive every accommodation in the book, which were all not warranted. One family made a big fuss about the kid needing headphones to block out sound, but the kid never used them in class and said he didn’t want them. He had great behavior and solid grades.

I was in some IEPs where the advocate came loaded for bear and seemed to think we were put to cheat the family, and I knew several advocates who kept mentioning their own, severely impacted, children, whose needs were much different than the child’s in question.

I have also seen situations where admin absolutely denied services or met ahead of time to say what they were going to agree in the IEP. The teachers really have little recourse here, if they want to save their jobs. Your best bet, if you have a difficult situation, is to insist on the district special ed representative attending the meeting, and then appealing up the chain.

Presume positive intent, and be clear and respectful as you appeal.

This is illegal - and as an observer of this there should be a process to be a Whistle Blower. This clearly happens at our school because the special education teachers are silent when asked a question about their experiences.

There already is a way to whistle blow as a teacher. You immediately contact your principal's supervisor and the director of special education compliance in the central office, as well as your union rep. You also have to have the balls to push back against your admin and tell them NO, you are not going to break the law for them. The saving your job thing is bs. There will never be a shortage of open special educator jobs in our lifetime. It's so easy to find another school if needed, why would you willingly choose a place where your boss is comfortable breaking the law?

DP sped teacher. Ha. Easy for you to say. My principal’s supervisor is their friend, I’d be the one thrown under the bus. HR? Oh you better believe the 3 years it takes to resolve the issue my life will be hell. DCPS is not where you mess around if you have toxic admin. Union? Ours sucks.

I can see why this teacher wouldn’t and didn’t. Personally I have because I gathered evidence, as in written documentation that they told me this, this only happened because they texted me and slipped up. I also gathered other sped teachers at my school who they did the same to so I wouldn’t be alone. Why should I have to leave a school? No, the corrupt school leader should. My students deserve everything but I have to play it smart. Either I’ll have to wait or subtly disregard admin. But I’m no blatant whistleblower. Please don’t expect teachers to put their livelihoods on the line like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're not cursing the team out or throwing furniture, you're good. Nothing wrong with applying a little pressure.

What a low standard.

This is a professional meeting, applying pressure doesn’t mean rudeness and trying to invalidate what the experts in the field are saying. Believe me, teams react just the same in private when you act passive aggressively and entitled.

[Anonymous]

The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

[Anonymous]

It’s really hard to have a good relationship with the IEP team when they are sneaky, dishonest, and constantly put up roadblocks all while not actually helping your child. I have three children with IEPs. Two for identical issues and one solely for a speech/articulation disability. The services and accommodations for my child with speech issues is superb and the IEP team is fantastic. I am so grateful for them. The IEP teams for my children’s you dyslexia is a mess.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why OP thinks they are on the same team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always had a good relationship with my sons IEP teams. I attribute it to a lot of work on my part and a recognition that at least most people cared that my son succeed and no one wanted him to fail. I was always prepared for meetings which was a lot of work.

I understood my sons needs really well and recognized that the school couldn’t fix him and that not everything I wanted for him was possible. I also recognized that not everything had to be done now - some goals could wait.

I advocated but never crossed the line into disrespectful. I did my part in that when he needed extra services I got them and I worked with him at home. I stayed very involved with the school and people who taught and supported my son. I recognized that they were the experts in education, not me but I knew my son better than they did - we brought different things to the table.

I didn’t spend too much time on form over substance, like arguing about how the goal was written. What mattered was what they were going to do to get my son to the next level so I was more interested in the interventions.

In the end my son got everything he needed including a special placement, 1:1services and a HS diploma. I have always been grateful to everyone who was a part of making that happen and I made sure they knew how much I appreciated them.

This feels like astroturfing. Are you a school employee? MCPS and other large districts actively try - in some schools - to prevent IEP goals from being fulfilled for many reasons, often based on promotion goals. (My conjecture). MCPS spends millions every year fighting families with outside counsel who have kids on IEPs. If you are a real person I’m glad you found that perfect balance between being assertive and kind for your child. I doubt very much this perfect balance actually exists. I think both the suggestion to ‘push’ and the suggestion to ‘get along’ is pretty much a Hobson’s choice in a place like MCPS. It’s why we left. There are other districts where this can happen but you’ve got to find the right culture. It does not exist in certain school districts.

I agree. The insulting comments that were made to my spouse and I during our years fighting LCPS would shock the poster above. I was nice for a very long time until I woke up and realized how we were being manipulated and lied to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

What the hell does that even mean? The school system my kid attends constantly tries not to provide the accommodations because so many teachers are 99.9% ignorant about disabilities and think they know better. Every single year kid encounters at least one teacher who thought they could refuse to follow the iep. My kid learned to speak up and still got treated horribly by some teachers. They tried to sabotage accommodations that were simple and cost little and required few resources.

I'm sick to death of the comments that all seem to be along the lines of "we don't have enough staff to manage the school so those slow kids with ieps will have to give up all expectation of us following IDEA." This is just discrimination against people with disabilities. You assume people with disabilities are less than so, of course, you want to jettison all help for them at the first perceived sign of distress within the school system.

I have dealt with my school system for over 10 years and I have never seen a parent expecting a teacher to "carry" a student through to graduation. Explain what that even means. You are one of those teachers who is clueless and probably not that talented as an educator but you have strong opinions despite your ignorance. we all hope our kids never have to deal with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

What the hell does that even mean? The school system my kid attends constantly tries not to provide the accommodations because so many teachers are 99.9% ignorant about disabilities and think they know better. Every single year kid encounters at least one teacher who thought they could refuse to follow the iep. My kid learned to speak up and still got treated horribly by some teachers. They tried to sabotage accommodations that were simple and cost little and required few resources.

I'm sick to death of the comments that all seem to be along the lines of "we don't have enough staff to manage the school so those slow kids with ieps will have to give up all expectation of us following IDEA." This is just discrimination against people with disabilities. You assume people with disabilities are less than so, of course, you want to jettison all help for them at the first perceived sign of distress within the school system.

I have dealt with my school system for over 10 years and I have never seen a parent expecting a teacher to "carry" a student through to graduation. Explain what that even means. You are one of those teachers who is clueless and probably not that talented as an educator but you have strong opinions despite your ignorance. we all hope our kids never have to deal with you.

Foam at the mouth all.you want.

[Anonymous]

We have a mainstreamed adhd asd kid in fifth and our relationships are mostly fine. I’ve always gone in with a very realistic attitude: I know my kid is always going to struggle in school, I know that the school has limited resources and parents making demands left right and center, and I know that teachers are busy, underpaid and not experts in disabilities.

So we go in generally being super nice and emphatic in our appreciation, we make low demands/requests, we send a lot of money and we do a lot of private support outside of school and parent oversight, and I basically treat every accommodation that he gets as a win.

Is it perfect? No. But I’ve never seen a parent ever, ever gain anything by complaining to a school. SN or not. Schools hate demanding parents and there’s no upside to being a pain in their backside.

So set demands low, be realistic, be kind, and they tend to like you better and meet your (low) demands. But it’s better than going in with fists up, making lots of demands and getting nothing out of the,, but teachers and admin who now hate your kid. I have friends who have gone through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

What the hell does that even mean? The school system my kid attends constantly tries not to provide the accommodations because so many teachers are 99.9% ignorant about disabilities and think they know better. Every single year kid encounters at least one teacher who thought they could refuse to follow the iep. My kid learned to speak up and still got treated horribly by some teachers. They tried to sabotage accommodations that were simple and cost little and required few resources.

I'm sick to death of the comments that all seem to be along the lines of "we don't have enough staff to manage the school so those slow kids with ieps will have to give up all expectation of us following IDEA." This is just discrimination against people with disabilities. You assume people with disabilities are less than so, of course, you want to jettison all help for them at the first perceived sign of distress within the school system.

I have dealt with my school system for over 10 years and I have never seen a parent expecting a teacher to "carry" a student through to graduation. Explain what that even means. You are one of those teachers who is clueless and probably not that talented as an educator but you have strong opinions despite your ignorance. we all hope our kids never have to deal with you.

Foam at the mouth all.you want.

And school employee, comments like yours is why special needs parents justifiably do not trust any of you.

[Anonymous]

I truly believe that a lot of the relationship is based on how well your child’s needs can be easily met by MCPS.

If there is an existing program that meets your child’s need, the relationship can be great. However, if your child’s needs don’t fit in a box that is served, then you feel like you are always fighting and your relationship is worse.

I have 2 kids- one fits in each of these two categories. I am not different, but sometimes my meetings feel like polar opposites.