I feel like my relationship with my kid's IEP team often become adversarial

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

What the hell does that even mean? The school system my kid attends constantly tries not to provide the accommodations because so many teachers are 99.9% ignorant about disabilities and think they know better. Every single year kid encounters at least one teacher who thought they could refuse to follow the iep. My kid learned to speak up and still got treated horribly by some teachers. They tried to sabotage accommodations that were simple and cost little and required few resources.

I'm sick to death of the comments that all seem to be along the lines of "we don't have enough staff to manage the school so those slow kids with ieps will have to give up all expectation of us following IDEA." This is just discrimination against people with disabilities. You assume people with disabilities are less than so, of course, you want to jettison all help for them at the first perceived sign of distress within the school system.

I have dealt with my school system for over 10 years and I have never seen a parent expecting a teacher to "carry" a student through to graduation. Explain what that even means. You are one of those teachers who is clueless and probably not that talented as an educator but you have strong opinions despite your ignorance. we all hope our kids never have to deal with you.

If you’re such an expert become a special education teacher. STFU with that white privilege sounding BS. MOST teacher want to help your kid, it’s not a get rich quick profession!

[Anonymous]

Excellent notebooks of notes and schoolwork and doctors visits. Hire a great lawyer. www.wrightlsaw.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

What the hell does that even mean? The school system my kid attends constantly tries not to provide the accommodations because so many teachers are 99.9% ignorant about disabilities and think they know better. Every single year kid encounters at least one teacher who thought they could refuse to follow the iep. My kid learned to speak up and still got treated horribly by some teachers. They tried to sabotage accommodations that were simple and cost little and required few resources.

I'm sick to death of the comments that all seem to be along the lines of "we don't have enough staff to manage the school so those slow kids with ieps will have to give up all expectation of us following IDEA." This is just discrimination against people with disabilities. You assume people with disabilities are less than so, of course, you want to jettison all help for them at the first perceived sign of distress within the school system.

I have dealt with my school system for over 10 years and I have never seen a parent expecting a teacher to "carry" a student through to graduation. Explain what that even means. You are one of those teachers who is clueless and probably not that talented as an educator but you have strong opinions despite your ignorance. we all hope our kids never have to deal with you.

Foam at the mouth all.you want.

And school employee, comments like yours is why special needs parents justifiably do not trust any of you.

DP And that’s fine, we can just fight and the student is the one who suffers. Have fun losing in court, I never lose.

I hate parents like this. All I want to do is help kids and families but then I get crazy parents who think I need to jump through hoops to build their trust. And ugh it’s even worse when they are non-POC and then racists on top of it.

[Anonymous]

I would not listen to some posters here, they are extremely bitter and obnoxious. Please advocate for your child but know what you think they need may be different from the rest of the team.

I’m concerned as to why parents think it’s ok to act like these people aren’t professionals, you can disagree with your doctor BUT still respect them.

You build trust by being respectful and asking questions. It’s okay to ask why they are doing something a certain way. It’s your kid. It’s when you act like you’re the one who studied childhood development, speech pathology, executive functioning, etc. that things become adversarial.

You’re the expert on your child, not best practices and methodologies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

What the hell does that even mean? The school system my kid attends constantly tries not to provide the accommodations because so many teachers are 99.9% ignorant about disabilities and think they know better. Every single year kid encounters at least one teacher who thought they could refuse to follow the iep. My kid learned to speak up and still got treated horribly by some teachers. They tried to sabotage accommodations that were simple and cost little and required few resources.

I'm sick to death of the comments that all seem to be along the lines of "we don't have enough staff to manage the school so those slow kids with ieps will have to give up all expectation of us following IDEA." This is just discrimination against people with disabilities. You assume people with disabilities are less than so, of course, you want to jettison all help for them at the first perceived sign of distress within the school system.

I have dealt with my school system for over 10 years and I have never seen a parent expecting a teacher to "carry" a student through to graduation. Explain what that even means. You are one of those teachers who is clueless and probably not that talented as an educator but you have strong opinions despite your ignorance. we all hope our kids never have to deal with you.

Foam at the mouth all.you want.

And school employee, comments like yours is why special needs parents justifiably do not trust any of you.

DP And that’s fine, we can just fight and the student is the one who suffers. Have fun losing in court, I never lose.

I hate parents like this. All I want to do is help kids and families but then I get crazy parents who think I need to jump through hoops to build their trust. And ugh it’s even worse when they are non-POC and then racists on top of it.

You try to claim you have the student in mind while threatening that you never lose in Court. I hope you have to spend all your time in due process challenges and you get you eventually get the loss you so richly deserve.

[Anonymous]

None of these disgruntled teachers would even have jobs if it wasn't for our kids.

[Anonymous]

get an advocate or lawyer to play bad cop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of these disgruntled teachers would even have jobs if it wasn't for our kids.

Not true at all. If you sent your DC to private or homeschooled, the teachers would still have jobs, and their jobs would be much easier. As rewarding? Maybe, maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of these disgruntled teachers would even have jobs if it wasn't for our kids.

Not true at all. If you sent your DC to private or homeschooled, the teachers would still have jobs, and their jobs would be much easier. As rewarding? Maybe, maybe not.

With that attitude towards children with special needs, good luck on your evals this year. You sound like your Praxis scores were low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of these disgruntled teachers would even have jobs if it wasn't for our kids.

Not true at all. If you sent your DC to private or homeschooled, the teachers would still have jobs, and their jobs would be much easier. As rewarding? Maybe, maybe not.

With that attitude towards children with special needs, good luck on your evals this year. You sound like your Praxis scores were low.

I'm not a teacher, I'm a parent. And I'm aware of how obnoxious/disruptive/unenjoyable my DC can be. I'm grateful for the teachers who are willing and able to look past that (it hasn't the majority of them).

Some of the posts on this thread are discouraging in their animosity and aggressiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of these disgruntled teachers would even have jobs if it wasn't for our kids.

Not true at all. If you sent your DC to private or homeschooled, the teachers would still have jobs, and their jobs would be much easier. As rewarding? Maybe, maybe not.

With that attitude towards children with special needs, good luck on your evals this year. You sound like your Praxis scores were low.

I'm not a teacher, I'm a parent. And I'm aware of how obnoxious/disruptive/unenjoyable my DC can be. I'm grateful for the teachers who are willing and able to look past that (it hasn't the majority of them).

Some of the posts on this thread are discouraging in their animosity and aggressiveness.

Some parents have had to deal with things like a team not allowing a 1 on 1 for a child with severe autism, and not conducting an FBA when a child had behavior issues and illegally sending them home instead. As long as nobody's getting verbally abusive to school staff, it's ok to not be warm and fuzzy during an IEP meeting. I think as women, we can have complexes with this sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Hiring an advocate has been such a huge help to us. It’s hard to feel like a full member of the “team” when you don’t know every policy and option. I also think having a third party in the room helps both sides watch their words - know it isn’t a financial option for everyone but if you can make it work it’s been a game changer. Both school and central office staff said and did some outrageous things in meetings before we had an advocate.

[Anonymous]

Good special education teachers do exist! They're just not on DCUM...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of these disgruntled teachers would even have jobs if it wasn't for our kids.

Not true at all. If you sent your DC to private or homeschooled, the teachers would still have jobs, and their jobs would be much easier. As rewarding? Maybe, maybe not.

With that attitude towards children with special needs, good luck on your evals this year. You sound like your Praxis scores were low.

I'm not a teacher, I'm a parent. And I'm aware of how obnoxious/disruptive/unenjoyable my DC can be. I'm grateful for the teachers who are willing and able to look past that (it hasn't the majority of them).

Some of the posts on this thread are discouraging in their animosity and aggressiveness.

The OP posed a question asking how those of who have been successful in working with the IEP team have done so and whether they have any advice. The thread was hijacked by people who are dissatisfied and once again want to demonize special education staff of virtually all of our DMV schools and accuse those of us who have discussed our positive experiences as being school employees or related to county employees. What’s really discouraging is that the negative people cannot give it a rest so that people like OP can get advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key thing to understand is that just because something is on paper doesn't mean the issue is resolved. There is also a limit to what overburdened public school teachers can provide. Lip service can be paid and administrators just want you to stop bothering them.

Accomodations can be made but the responsibility and effort must come from the student and parent part of the triade as well.

I cannot tell you how many meetings I attended where the expectation was that the teacher carry the student through to graduation.

What the hell does that even mean? The school system my kid attends constantly tries not to provide the accommodations because so many teachers are 99.9% ignorant about disabilities and think they know better. Every single year kid encounters at least one teacher who thought they could refuse to follow the iep. My kid learned to speak up and still got treated horribly by some teachers. They tried to sabotage accommodations that were simple and cost little and required few resources.

I'm sick to death of the comments that all seem to be along the lines of "we don't have enough staff to manage the school so those slow kids with ieps will have to give up all expectation of us following IDEA." This is just discrimination against people with disabilities. You assume people with disabilities are less than so, of course, you want to jettison all help for them at the first perceived sign of distress within the school system.

I have dealt with my school system for over 10 years and I have never seen a parent expecting a teacher to "carry" a student through to graduation. Explain what that even means. You are one of those teachers who is clueless and probably not that talented as an educator but you have strong opinions despite your ignorance. we all hope our kids never have to deal with you.

Foam at the mouth all.you want.

And school employee, comments like yours is why special needs parents justifiably do not trust any of you.

DP And that’s fine, we can just fight and the student is the one who suffers. Have fun losing in court, I never lose.

I hate parents like this. All I want to do is help kids and families but then I get crazy parents who think I need to jump through hoops to build their trust. And ugh it’s even worse when they are non-POC and then racists on top of it.

You try to claim you have the student in mind while threatening that you never lose in Court. I hope you have to spend all your time in due process challenges and you get you eventually get the loss you so richly deserve.

The parents who have sued my school have never deserved free private and that’s the truth. I have gotten students private myself (and of course with the help of the whole team) when I know my school can’t meet their needs. Sorry to disappoint, I won’t lose. I will not back down when it is a case of PRIVILEGE and not NEED.