Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it

[Anonymous]

I cant pull of a hat but thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting to me that out society embraces conversations about being in different identity groups with shared experiences but there is no conversation about how unattractive people get treated. Transgender and you’ve got instant political credibility but ugly and nobody cares.

Neither of these things is true.

Trans individuals are relentlessly discriminated against, among the right and the left, and there is plenty of discourse about pretty privilege. There are lots of online support groups too.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. I know how you feel.

[Anonymous]

OP iI’m so sorry you’ve been bullied and are suffering. You don’t deserve that and I’m sending you a hug. I lost a lot of hair and have some bald spots. I now wear wigs that change my whole look for the better and literally NO ONE can tell. It’s been so liberating. Check out Belle Tress, Jon Renau, and Noriko brands on Wigstudio1.com. Taz’s Wig Closet videos are a great resource. And Hair Kitty Kitty (formerly Cyster Wigs) have fun young styles. Go for it!!! I also find therapy and Lexapro very helpful. Good luck to you. Don’t give up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you guys. Im 20.

But when i exercise i lose weight and look sick. It doesnt look good on me. Maybe i overdo it. I dont know. Im sick of feeling this way

A slender, fit appearance is something to be thankful for.

Exercise produces endorphines (feeling of happiness), energy, and positivity.

You have to learn to love yourself. You can do so by focusing on positive thoughts and engaging in positive activities such as jogging, weightlifting, studying & earning degrees or certificates. Work hard at whatever you do. Volunteer at an animal shelter if you want immediate positive feedback. You are not ugly--you just let yourself feel that way. Control your mood through healthy activities and stay busy & productive.

Almost everyone that I know focuses on what they perceive to be their weakness. This is self destructive behavior. Focus on things that you can control--like how much you exercise, how much you work, positive thoughts, self advancement, and caring for others.

[Anonymous]

Like many of the others posting, I think you would benefit from therapy. You should not be thinking about how ugly you think you are all the time.

It can be hard to be a good friend to a person with an issue. I have a good friend who is obese. About once a week being overweight comes up as a topic and I twist myself into a pretzel trying to avoid hurting her feelings. Then she gets angry and says "I know I'm fat, X. Stop trying to avoid saying it; it makes it worse." But if I do say something, she says "I know I'm fat, X. You don't need to tell me." I can't win.

I use this example because I suspect that's what your friend who said "You look almost pretty" about a photo was doing. She wanted to say that you looked nice in the photo, but was instinctively worried that you'd say "I don't look good in any photo. Why are you saying I do when I don't?" So, like me, she struggles with how to phrase things. I doubt she was being intentionally cruel.

In addition to a therapist, you might try a stylist/make up artist. Some people are very successful at "making the most of what they have." You almost certainly have at least one good physical attribute. Or there's some corrective action you can take, e.g., contacts replacing glasses, teeth whitening, unibrow plucking, etc. Even a small change could make you more confident.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are young.

Are you in college? Looks are the most significant thing in HS, but later, while important, looks are not the main thing that gets you friends and romantic partners.

Work on creating and cultivating friendships, experiencing things, and developing unique skills. You meet great people around hobbies.

Finally, work on your looks, try to be conventionally attractive, and make the most of what you have; just don't make it the main focus of your life. In the end, nobody cares about your looks that much; we all care about our own.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you feel this way, OP. And sorry you were bullied, that sounds so hard. Are you on any medication? If you are spending all day thinking negative thoughts about your looks, it sounds like you might benefit from an SSRI. Hopefully you can leave high school behind and focus on things that make you feel happy and valuable.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend in law school who was really unattractive. She had a bad complexion, oily skin, long face, really strong manly jawline, was very skinny, and bad hair. My first impression was that she was one of the most unattractive people I have ever met. Then I got to know her. She became a loyal friend who was so funny, so smart, and someone I loved to spend time with. I no longer see an unattractive person, it’s actually hard to think I ever viewed her that way. Your personality and self confidence can completely change how someone perceives your “attractiveness.” Please talk to a therapist so you can change your mindset even if you can’t change your looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in law school who was really unattractive. She had a bad complexion, oily skin, long face, really strong manly jawline, was very skinny, and bad hair. My first impression was that she was one of the most unattractive people I have ever met. Then I got to know her. She became a loyal friend who was so funny, so smart, and someone I loved to spend time with. I no longer see an unattractive person, it’s actually hard to think I ever viewed her that way. Your personality and self confidence can completely change how someone perceives your “attractiveness.” Please talk to a therapist so you can change your mindset even if you can’t change your looks.

So, you were pretty harsh toward somebody, but becasue she had this amazing personality she gained your approval. So your advice is for OP to totally change, to become funny, smart, and self-confident, then she too can gain the approval of people like you.

This isn't terrible advice, but I hope this shows you the awful spot in society that we put ugly people in. In order for them to enjoy basic respect and good relationships, we tell them they have to work far, far harder than others. I think OP is allowed to wallow for a bit about that.

[Anonymous]

You’re a good writer OP. I think you’re probably good at other things too. We all get our sense of purpose and value from different things. Mine was never looks, it was mainly being smart and passionate about my work and adventure travel. I have a kick as career that challenges me and makes $$$. I have an aunt who looks like Marilyn Monroe, objectively gorgeous. She’s having a very tough time with aging, men no longer fawning all over her. That’s not a problem for me. So this is a bit rambling but l want you to know that you can feel like you have value without being pretty. I’m sorry your mom doesn’t get it. Do you have another adult relative that might get it who you can talk to? If not maybe therapy as others have suggested.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who looks quite cute, but likes to wear wigs. If the hair is your hang up, wear some fun wigs. I do not know enough about make up to advise on that front, but you have to be comfortable with who you are. You may think of yourself as ugly but I think that maybe you are comparing yourself to the wrong type of people

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for everything you're going through, OP. Our society places way too much emphasis on a person's appearance yet it shouldn't define any of us. What makes you YOU, and what truly makes a person beautiful, is who you are on the inside. I encourage you to find a therapist to help you process all of this and find your way forward. Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have any stomach issues? Gut problems? When I did I was extremely depressed and had terrible hair loss. Also eczema and brain fog. I don't know if this is the case for you but all I'm saying is there are always underlying causes for health issues, it's important to get to the bottom of them, especially if doctors haven't found an obvious cause for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wish you good things. I'm chiming in to say that the hair loss needs to be explained and I think you need new doctors to look harder at why it happened. I'm not a physician but would worry about autoimmune conditions that might affect your health in other ways.