Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it

[Anonymous]

Op here

Thank you all . Your kind words help me.

However i agree i need therapy

[Anonymous]

Op here again

What if a future therapist thinks im ugly its not like they’re gonna tell me..

They’re just going to pity me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again

What if a future therapist thinks im ugly its not like they’re gonna tell me..

They’re just going to pity me

It's not really important for you to know for sure what the therapist thinks of your appearance. The therapist is supposed to help you figure out ways to deal with what you feel and the problems you perceive in your life that are holding you back and making you unhappy. Strategies for managing your life that you may not have thought of. Give therapy a chance and if you don't click well with one don't be afraid to try another one until you find one you like who you feel is helping you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

OP in life you have to play the hand you are dealt. For some of us we could be born into an abusive family, or be dealing with poverty or have health problems. Being “ugly,” whatever that means, is certainly not something anyone wants for themselves, but you need to learn that it doesn’t make you any less. Your appearance shouldn’t keep you from anything you want in life, except perhaps a modeling contract. It’s not trivial but for most people confidence is what draws them to others.

[Anonymous]

You seem to have some kind of body dysmorphic disorder: a mental illness leading to obsession about a physical flaw in your appearance. You need to see a psychiatrist who will diagnose you and then refer you to the right therapist for treatment.

Lots of people have various physical differences. It doesn't stop them from socializing and earning the respect of their friends, relatives and colleagues. The difference is all in the mind: if they're confident and comfortable in their own identity, others pick up on that and don't think of teasing or bullying. And if they do tease of bully, the person in question just brushes it off, or shuts it down in some way, because that's usually what healthy people do.

You need to regain your confidence and understand that you only have one life: are you going to spend it obsessing about this aspect of yourself? That would be such a waste!

Happiness doesn't just fall in your lap, OP. You need to work for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again

What if a future therapist thinks im ugly its not like they’re gonna tell me..

They’re just going to pity me

That's your mental illness talking. It doesn't matter how ugly you are (I'm sure you're not!). You need to reach a state of mind where IT DOES NOT MATTER, because you know you can be happy whatever your appearance is.
The therapist is not there to tell you that you're beautiful. Their job is to to help you develop tools to make you think rationally about your perceived flaws, which you're not doing right now.

What would you say to someone who looked more or less average (with the normal complement of eyes, nose and limbs, let's say ) if they told you they could not enjoy life because they thought themselves unbearably ugly? You'd look at them and say: "But... you actually look fine. Please, live your life."

So. Please, seek professional help for your mental disorder. It's OK to have a mental illness. Many of us do, believe me! Half the battle is admitting you have one and seeking treatment for it.

[Anonymous]

Wow. The replies are so kind and thoughtful Thanks.

You all make sense.

But i was bullied so so much with people telling me everyday that im ugly etc. So its hard not to believe ..

I remember seeing the movie Wonder and Augie’s mom tells him he’s not ugly. But he knows he’s different and we all just wanna fit in.
I think it’s also with todays social media and everything idk..

But thank you sincerely

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I mean this: beauty and all that superficial stuff is just that, superficial stuff. Being a good person, a person of value who helps others and leads a good life, that is real beauty. Forget about what you look like externally, and focus on what your heart and soul look like and on waking up each day trying to make a positive impact on the world and those around you. That is, and has always been, real beauty.

[Anonymous]

You are right thank you.

Bullying sucks it ruined my brain

[Anonymous]

OP:

1) Yes, therapy. You need to find someone you like and who you feel ok talking to.

2) You also need to keep exploring medical solutions to your hair. Continue to pursue specialists. Alopecia?

2) Here's a secret I didn't realize until my 30s -- Anyone can be good looking, its more about working with what you have than your lottery pick of genes. Anyone can take what they were born with and, with some confidence, styling, grooming and care, can look attractive. I swear to God. Here's an exercise: Take a look at the people you see on the street. Pick someone out and consider what you think their best feature is. Now think about how they could, or do, emphasize it. The same is true for you. It's about figuring it out and about regaining your self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

1) Yes, therapy. You need to find someone you like and who you feel ok talking to.

2) You also need to keep exploring medical solutions to your hair. Continue to pursue specialists. Alopecia?

2) Here's a secret I didn't realize until my 30s -- Anyone can be good looking, its more about working with what you have than your lottery pick of genes. Anyone can take what they were born with and, with some confidence, styling, grooming and care, can look attractive. I swear to God. Here's an exercise: Take a look at the people you see on the street. Pick someone out and consider what you think their best feature is. Now think about how they could, or do, emphasize it. The same is true for you. It's about figuring it out and about regaining your self esteem.

Here are some internet examples https://shareably.net/40-ugly-ducklings-blossomed-swans/1

[Anonymous]

Im going to look into this. You are too nice for being so responsive. 🙏🏻 thank you❤️

What kind of therapy though? Or what kind of therapist? I dont know where to start

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. The replies are so kind and thoughtful Thanks.

You all make sense.

But i was bullied so so much with people telling me everyday that im ugly etc. So its hard not to believe ..

I remember seeing the movie Wonder and Augie’s mom tells him he’s not ugly. But he knows he’s different and we all just wanna fit in.
I think it’s also with todays social media and everything idk..

But thank you sincerely

You will be OK. I'm not sure how your found your way to DCUM, but I'm glad you did, and I hope you believe that your life will get better. Therapy will help. Hoping all good things for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im going to look into this. You are too nice for being so responsive. 🙏🏻 thank you❤️

What kind of therapy though? Or what kind of therapist? I dont know where to start

I think you just need a therapist who works with anxiety and depression. Someone who knows CBT but who also does traditional talk therapy as it sounds like you have a lot to unpack. Where do you live and what insurance do you have?