Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in law school who was really unattractive. She had a bad complexion, oily skin, long face, really strong manly jawline, was very skinny, and bad hair. My first impression was that she was one of the most unattractive people I have ever met. Then I got to know her. She became a loyal friend who was so funny, so smart, and someone I loved to spend time with. I no longer see an unattractive person, it’s actually hard to think I ever viewed her that way. Your personality and self confidence can completely change how someone perceives your “attractiveness.” Please talk to a therapist so you can change your mindset even if you can’t change your looks.

you are a shallow POS

[Anonymous]

You have to get over it or get through it. You are ugly, ok. What else do you have going for you?

[Anonymous]

Op, you are smart (I can tell from your writing). I bet you can be funny, even if it’s in a self deprecating way. I’m GenX, used to be into punk rock and Riot Grrrl culture in college. Is there a type of music or cultural activity you enjoy— like dance, theater, comedy, etc? I bet you can find your people if you look at the offbeat crowds. For what it’s worth, I’ve bee. Told I’m pretty but have never believed it. I’m Indian and always dressed like a tomboy. Grunge, etc. I cut my own hair (really shot). I wear masculine clothes. I’m straight but this is what I prefer. I don’t wear makeup or shave. You know what? I like myself. A lot. I am raising two girly girls who realize their mom looks different but has confidence. I hope you can find the punk rocker in you. I’m rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

There's a lot you can do to improve your looks. A lot. Are you doing everything?

Also, it doesn't really matter how you look, we know that, but it matters to you and it is affecting your quality of life so I really would focus on improving your appearance.

Get very fit, dress nicely, wear wigs, wear the right makeup, possible cosmetic surgery or injections, etc etc. Many many celebrities just aren't that good-looking, but they spend hours a day on improving their looks enough to fool everyone.

[Anonymous]

What do you think is ugly about yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot you can do to improve your looks. A lot. Are you doing everything?

Also, it doesn't really matter how you look, we know that, but it matters to you and it is affecting your quality of life so I really would focus on improving your appearance.

Get very fit, dress nicely, wear wigs, wear the right makeup, possible cosmetic surgery or injections, etc etc. Many many celebrities just aren't that good-looking, but they spend hours a day on improving their looks enough to fool everyone.

This is terrible advice. You said “it doesn’t really matter how you look” and then advised on a bunch of ways to improve her looks.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you might need to let go of wishing your mother would acknowledge that you are unattractive. Many people have mothers who call them vicious names including telling them they are ugly, too fat, have bad hair, etc. Your mom is a whole lot better than that.

You may think she's delusional but I think she just loves you a whole lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in law school who was really unattractive. She had a bad complexion, oily skin, long face, really strong manly jawline, was very skinny, and bad hair. My first impression was that she was one of the most unattractive people I have ever met. Then I got to know her. She became a loyal friend who was so funny, so smart, and someone I loved to spend time with. I no longer see an unattractive person, it’s actually hard to think I ever viewed her that way. Your personality and self confidence can completely change how someone perceives your “attractiveness.” Please talk to a therapist so you can change your mindset even if you can’t change your looks.

So, you were pretty harsh toward somebody, but becasue she had this amazing personality she gained your approval. So your advice is for OP to totally change, to become funny, smart, and self-confident, then she too can gain the approval of people like you.

This isn't terrible advice, but I hope this shows you the awful spot in society that we put ugly people in. In order for them to enjoy basic respect and good relationships, we tell them they have to work far, far harder than others. I think OP is allowed to wallow for a bit about that.

So what is your advice then? Everyone has to have something going for them. If you can’t change your looks work on being more kind, helpful, caring, friendly, interesting, athletic, musical, smart, or whatever is your thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could hug you. Have you ever spoken to a therapist? I know you're probably thinking that the therapist can't help you change the way you look, but maybe they could be really helpful with learning how to accept who you are, loving who you are, and talking to your family about these feelings you have. You shouldn't have to go through life hating how you look each and every day. I'm sure there are many beautiful things about you, both inside and out.

I wish I could do more or say more to help you, but my best advice to is to see a professional who can help you cope with this bad feelings you're having.

All my best to you, and a wish that you find happiness.

Plus 1. I’m sorry and hugs to you. Even if you don't know it or feel it, you ARE beautiful. All good people are and you are clearly a good person.

[Anonymous]

I don't know any mother who sees their child as ugly. Average, maybe. But ugly? Nope.

You have to figure out how to solve your problems without misdirecting your anger at your mother.

There are many ugly people who live happy and fulfilled lives. Seek a therapist for your depression.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of my DS who hated when I complimented drawings he did. They showed objectively serious promise (I have art training) but he refused to believe I meant it. Maybe you don’t believe your mom but if she denies you are ugly I tend to think you aren’t as ugly as you think you are.
Moms aren’t blind to their kid’s strengths and weaknesses:

[Anonymous]

your mom is a wasteland
why do you think you are ugly?
you might need to spend time in therapy

you are beautiful!

sending you massive hugs

[Anonymous]

I have major hereditary hair loss. It’s pretty drastic now and I will eventually wear wigs like all of the older women in my family. It’s been fun to go to stores and try them on but I’m not willing to spend the money yet. Some of the older women in my family wear hats and some don’t do anything at all. It’s all about your inner confidence.

For me, I put this on every day and it helps so much. A little goes a long way and then I lightly spray hairspray over it. You can also buy it at Sally’s Beauty. It’s only $20 so it’s worth it to try.

[Anonymous]

Sorry I forgot the link in my post. https://www.amazon.com/LUXE-Hair-Thickening-Fibers-Confidence/dp/B013W64IQK

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry you've been going through this. I think you've gotten some hair related suggestions. I know people will say looks don't matter, etc but I do buy into 'look good, feel good'
I had a pretty decent transformation mid college- I went to the MAC counter at the mall for some makeup tips, figured out how to pluck my eyebrows better, and updated my clothes. If you have some funds for things like this, I highly suggest. Also, some exercise even just walks and shower every day.
Most of the time if you are reasonably well groomed and not overweight I don't think you will stand out in a negative way post high school, despite how you might feel about your facial features.