If you mommy tracked - are you glad later on when kids are older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

My spouse makes a ton more than me and has no health insurance or retirement. I’m government and I carry it for our family. It’s not an unusual situation.

As far as whether OP will regret her current path depends on what she wants for family life. Most people can’t have it all so you have to figure out what matters most to you. For me, with kids that age, I’m not sure I’d be ramping up. But I wanted my kids to have the options they could have given more flexibility.

+1 this is not unusual at all. My DH is also a law firm partner and he'd have to pay essentially the full cost of his health insurance if we were on his plan, as he's not an employee; he's an owner. I am an employee and get subsidized health insurance through my employer (even though I make $250k).

OP, if you think taking the director level role now will make your life more stressful, then don't. You can ramp up your career when your youngest is school-aged if you feel like it. You may not get to CEO level or what have you but you can definitely progress after stagnating for a while; it's not the "mommy track" forever.

[Anonymous]

If you are reasonably happy, I’d make peace with where you are and enjoy your family life.

I started ramping back up when my kids were 7 and 9 (to director level, but relatively flexible most of the time) and then took a big promotion to c-suite this past year with kids in middle school. Career-wise, it was a good move and I’m glad I did it, but I really miss our more relax d family life. I’m really glad I had those years, and while there are aspects of the personal success I find fulfilling, I’m not totally convinced with three younger kids there’s no way I’d want the intensity we have now. it’s worth the trade off in stress - and certainly wouldn’t be in DH was a high earner.

[Anonymous]

^ sorry, last sentences got scrambled. Too tired to fix…

[Anonymous]

Thanks all - I guess I will keep my eyes out for another job if it happens to be both flexible and a step up. Otherwise stay in my position now. Career wise and personally I would love the opportunity to do more in my job but it would probably just be too much right now with 3 young kids. The sheer amount of paperwork and doctor appointments is overwhelming not to mention the sports, activities, etc. Right now only the 2 older ones are doing things. The youngest hasn’t even started yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all - I guess I will keep my eyes out for another job if it happens to be both flexible and a step up. Otherwise stay in my position now. Career wise and personally I would love the opportunity to do more in my job but it would probably just be too much right now with 3 young kids. The sheer amount of paperwork and doctor appointments is overwhelming not to mention the sports, activities, etc. Right now only the 2 older ones are doing things. The youngest hasn’t even started yet.

And I've found it gets busier rather than less so as the kids get older. They need rides everywhere and if they want to do more than just the after school clubs, like any sports or classes, getting them there is an issue. Good luck to you. you sound like you're in a good spot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

Op here - I would be super happy if I made $200K!

Op, are you looking at the job for the money? Bc you won't even notice an extra $100k with your total hhi. Is it to make you feel better about working? Or make you feel better at work, compared against your peers? These would all be totally valid reasons, in my opinion, but you did throw me with your reply above bc previously it seemed like you were interested in the promotion for job satisfaction and not the extra money. I think the motivation matters here in our advice! Fwiw, job satisfaction would be a good motivator for me, in your situation. Not the extra money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

Op here - I would be super happy if I made $200K!

Op, are you looking at the job for the money? Bc you won't even notice an extra $100k with your total hhi. Is it to make you feel better about working? Or make you feel better at work, compared against your peers? These would all be totally valid reasons, in my opinion, but you did throw me with your reply above bc previously it seemed like you were interested in the promotion for job satisfaction and not the extra money. I think the motivation matters here in our advice! Fwiw, job satisfaction would be a good motivator for me, in your situation. Not the extra money.

Op here - I feel like I am extremely underpaid for my position and my degrees. But I have not looked for a bigger job because I have “mommy tracked” myself. So it’s not necessarily for more money but to be paid fairly for the work that I do.

[Anonymous]

It’s a high income but it’s not that much money. Taxes takes half. Mortgage — I’m sure that’s a lot — plus unless they have all kids in public school, full pay private could easily be $120k+ a year. Two jobs means nanny, daycare, house cleaning, possibly yard stuff.

OP — only you know what you’ll regret. I like having flexibility to see kids after school and generally be around. Being the family bus is not super rewarding, so I suggest you don’t take that role unless you love it. Do put yourself in the equation because you’re the only one who will be resentful or feel like you missed out if you don’t. What is working for me personally is to get into a position that’s senior enough to show I am serious, then lay back a bit until all kids are in elementary. After that I plan to move up and keep going because when kids are out of the house I definitely don’t want to be picking a hobby out of a bag to amuse myself.


This is also the approach I am taking. Agree that it’s highly personal and only you can know what you might regret. All approaches are valid, at the end of the day it’s what will leave you more personally fulfilled.

I totally agree with the above posters; this is such a personal decision and I feel like I revisit my options all the time. I run through a mental list that pretty much takes stock of the following: How much do I enjoy the work? How meaningful is it to me? Am I well compensated? Is it prestigious? How much do I need to work to reasonably stay "in the game." What experiences am I missing out on with DC when I am at work?

I work 27h/week and make 4-5X less than DH. Because we have irregular hours, we still do need full time childcare, essentially on retainer. Overall, I'm content with my decision to be on the "mommy track," but I do take pause when I hear my peers on NPR, see their books or see/hear their interviews/press releases on various media outlets. There is no perfect path, but ultimately we have to decide what degree of work/life balance we are okay with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

OP, I know you may have meant well. But, please dont use the word you used in the thread title. It is very offensive.

The correct term is “birth parent.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

OP, I know you may have meant well. But, please dont use the word you used in the thread title. It is very offensive.

The correct term is “birth parent.”

What? Is this for real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

OP, I know you may have meant well. But, please dont use the word you used in the thread title. It is very offensive.

The correct term is “birth parent.”

What? Is this for real?

No, they are an anti trans troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

Op here - I would be super happy if I made $200K!

Lame

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

OP, I know you may have meant well. But, please dont use the word you used in the thread title. It is very offensive.

The correct term is “birth parent.”

What? Is this for real?

No, they are an anti trans troll.

Huh. They are a gender queer

[Anonymous]

lol @ the troubles of couples making half a million a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

Op here - I would be super happy if I made $200K!

Op, are you looking at the job for the money? Bc you won't even notice an extra $100k with your total hhi. Is it to make you feel better about working? Or make you feel better at work, compared against your peers? These would all be totally valid reasons, in my opinion, but you did throw me with your reply above bc previously it seemed like you were interested in the promotion for job satisfaction and not the extra money. I think the motivation matters here in our advice! Fwiw, job satisfaction would be a good motivator for me, in your situation. Not the extra money.

Op here - I feel like I am extremely underpaid for my position and my degrees. But I have not looked for a bigger job because I have “mommy tracked” myself. So it’s not necessarily for more money but to be paid fairly for the work that I do.

1) Nobody cares about your degrees within 1 year of beginning your first job, so I would remove that from your mind. I have a sister who went to Harvard and left the workforce 9 years ago to take care of her kids. Now she can't get a job paying enough to justify the cost of childcare, etc.

2) If you are in fact "extremely underpaid" for your position, a job search would validate that quickly and you should make a change. If you can't get one keeping the same number of hours, etc., then you're not underpaid. Sorry again but a lot of people believe incorrectly that they are not being paid what they are worth.