If you mommy tracked - are you glad later on when kids are older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

Op here - I would be super happy if I made $200K!

Fact check that statement. Most of the time money doesn't actually make somebody happier.

The danger of being mommy tracked is two-fold: 1) you might lose the identity you got from a good career and 2) you might lose your financial self-determination. It doesn't seem like you are in danger of either at the moment.

But if the director position is really calling to you, see if you can make it work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

Op here - I would be super happy if I made $200K!

Fact check that statement. Most of the time money doesn't actually make somebody happier.

The danger of being mommy tracked is two-fold: 1) you might lose the identity you got from a good career and 2) you might lose your financial self-determination. It doesn't seem like you are in danger of either at the moment.

But if the director position is really calling to you, see if you can make it work!

Similar position in that I carry our family's health insurance and I make about 1/5 of what DH makes as I opted to go "of counsel" for the last 5+ years; however, I was recently offered a move toward equity partnership and I'm going to take it for (2) financial self-determination. Our family situation is more complicated than yours sounds, OP. I'm glad I kept one foot in the door so I could ramp up at the right time.

[Anonymous]

I left the corporate world after baby #3 and I had a good consulting business that did well but I had enough flexibility to do mom stuff and we had a nanny. I will always be curious about how far I could have risen in the corporate world given my husband had a similar background and went on to be the CEO of two large companies. But deep down I have no regrets. I’m very proud of my now adult children, we are happy and we have plenty of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

NP but with that much money you could afford to buy it or just pay cash. That’s a ton of money.

It’s a high income but it’s not that much money. Taxes takes half. Mortgage — I’m sure that’s a lot — plus unless they have all kids in public school, full pay private could easily be $120k+ a year. Two jobs means nanny, daycare, house cleaning, possibly yard stuff.

OP — only you know what you’ll regret. I like having flexibility to see kids after school and generally be around. Being the family bus is not super rewarding, so I suggest you don’t take that role unless you love it. Do put yourself in the equation because you’re the only one who will be resentful or feel like you missed out if you don’t. What is working for me personally is to get into a position that’s senior enough to show I am serious, then lay back a bit until all kids are in elementary. After that I plan to move up and keep going because when kids are out of the house I definitely don’t want to be picking a hobby out of a bag to amuse myself.

Oh please.

To answer the acutal question, I would definitely not ramp up my career in your position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

I'm usually fairly critical of posts that smell like bs, but it's not unreasonable for a job that pays 100k to have better health coverage and a pension. It's very possible that dhs job has no pension (most jobs these days) and expensive or poorly optioned health plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

NP but with that much money you could afford to buy it or just pay cash. That’s a ton of money.

It’s a high income but it’s not that much money. Taxes takes half. Mortgage — I’m sure that’s a lot — plus unless they have all kids in public school, full pay private could easily be $120k+ a year. Two jobs means nanny, daycare, house cleaning, possibly yard stuff.

OP — only you know what you’ll regret. I like having flexibility to see kids after school and generally be around. Being the family bus is not super rewarding, so I suggest you don’t take that role unless you love it. Do put yourself in the equation because you’re the only one who will be resentful or feel like you missed out if you don’t. What is working for me personally is to get into a position that’s senior enough to show I am serious, then lay back a bit until all kids are in elementary. After that I plan to move up and keep going because when kids are out of the house I definitely don’t want to be picking a hobby out of a bag to amuse myself.

It is absolutely “that much money”.

People must just come through these posts to make those idiotic comments just to get a reaction. Which I am currently providing. So, you’re welcome.

+1

I had the same thought. It’s not ‘that much money’ because we send the kids to private schools, have a full time housekeeper and nanny, take two international trips a year, have a 10K a month mortgage, etc. Posters like this either don’t live in the real world or are trolls. If it’s the latter, I hope they interact with people besides law partners and lobbyists in DC.

Op here - while I completely understand we make "a lot of money" we do not send our kids to private school, do not have a full time housekeeper or nanny, do not take two international trips a year and our mortgage is only $3500 a month. Most of our money is going to pay student loans and daycare. Just FWIW.

I’m the poster 2 above your response and just so you know, I wasn’t thinking you were under the impression you didn’t have enough money. Actually, I thought that you’re aware of how much it is and wondering if that should be a factor in your current situation or if you should focus on your career regardless of his income. I also believe you that you bring in the healthcare and don’t know why that person thinks you’re lying for some reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

NP but with that much money you could afford to buy it or just pay cash. That’s a ton of money.

It’s a high income but it’s not that much money. Taxes takes half. Mortgage — I’m sure that’s a lot — plus unless they have all kids in public school, full pay private could easily be $120k+ a year. Two jobs means nanny, daycare, house cleaning, possibly yard stuff.

OP — only you know what you’ll regret. I like having flexibility to see kids after school and generally be around. Being the family bus is not super rewarding, so I suggest you don’t take that role unless you love it. Do put yourself in the equation because you’re the only one who will be resentful or feel like you missed out if you don’t. What is working for me personally is to get into a position that’s senior enough to show I am serious, then lay back a bit until all kids are in elementary. After that I plan to move up and keep going because when kids are out of the house I definitely don’t want to be picking a hobby out of a bag to amuse myself.

It is absolutely “that much money”.

People must just come through these posts to make those idiotic comments just to get a reaction. Which I am currently providing. So, you’re welcome.

+1

I had the same thought. It’s not ‘that much money’ because we send the kids to private schools, have a full time housekeeper and nanny, take two international trips a year, have a 10K a month mortgage, etc. Posters like this either don’t live in the real world or are trolls. If it’s the latter, I hope they interact with people besides law partners and lobbyists in DC.

Op here - while I completely understand we make "a lot of money" we do not send our kids to private school, do not have a full time housekeeper or nanny, do not take two international trips a year and our mortgage is only $3500 a month. Most of our money is going to pay student loans and daycare. Just FWIW.

PP here and sorry OP I was responding to the poster who listed all of the reasons 600K is not a lot of money. Not criticizing your choices!

[Anonymous]

Ask me in 6 months. I have owned my own firm which provided a lot of flexibility and a fluctuating income. I have loads of experience and am now looking for a job and not seeing any results after a solid month of applying to far too many jobs to count. I am ready to ramp up and no one seems to want me.

[Anonymous]

The entire answer comes down to how well their breadwinner DH did. If he ends up making $800k+ everything is roses. The whole “work as identity” fades pretty fast in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

NP but with that much money you could afford to buy it or just pay cash. That’s a ton of money.

It’s a high income but it’s not that much money. Taxes takes half. Mortgage — I’m sure that’s a lot — plus unless they have all kids in public school, full pay private could easily be $120k+ a year. Two jobs means nanny, daycare, house cleaning, possibly yard stuff.

OP — only you know what you’ll regret. I like having flexibility to see kids after school and generally be around. Being the family bus is not super rewarding, so I suggest you don’t take that role unless you love it. Do put yourself in the equation because you’re the only one who will be resentful or feel like you missed out if you don’t. What is working for me personally is to get into a position that’s senior enough to show I am serious, then lay back a bit until all kids are in elementary. After that I plan to move up and keep going because when kids are out of the house I definitely don’t want to be picking a hobby out of a bag to amuse myself.

This poster lost me at “it’s a high income but it’s not that much money.” In what world do you live that $400-500k isn’t more than enough money. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Hell yes!

Went back to work and do not feel I missed out by not being in the workforce. But I’m a worker, I was never interested in being a superstar exec and was never on that track.

I work, I get paid. I took many years off and thoroughly enjoyed my kids. I’m back to getting paid.

YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

So untrue! DP. My husband works in a small company where he earns more than I do, but the employer subsidizes less of the insurance costs. My benefits at a large company are better but my comp is lower. There I carry our insurance etc. several of my close friends have this set up- wife works at a larger more established company and carries the benefits and better retirement plan, husbands are at smaller companies but have bigger titles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask me in 6 months. I have owned my own firm which provided a lot of flexibility and a fluctuating income. I have loads of experience and am now looking for a job and not seeing any results after a solid month of applying to far too many jobs to count. I am ready to ramp up and no one seems to want me.

Hang in there - a month of searching is not that long and you’re smart to know it will likely take at least 6 months, maybe longer.

You may be facing some ageism but I imagine some employers might recognize (however subconsciously) that you may not have as many demands on your time as younger applicants. [But that’s discrimination, Some would say. And so is ageism.]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids now in middle school. I mommy-tracked and went part-time when the oldest was a year old.

On the one hand, I do wish I had an executive role and made double or triple what I currently make the way most of my friends and colleagues now do. Friends and colleagues have larger homes and take nicer vacations, although we are certainly well-off by the standards of most of the U.S. so I am still grateful for our lives, but of course having parity in income would be nice. On the other hand, I wouldn't trade for anything all the extra hours I've had with my kids. Some of our best conversations have been in the car shuttling to/from activities or walking to and from school, I would have missed those if a nanny was doing it instead.

This has been my experience also. Mommy tracked but with a foot in the door. I love the time I have had with my kids. The conversations and moments we have had really can’t be fit into after work interaction. Another PP also mentioned and I wanted to echo that teens also take a lot of time. They still need you, just differently.

[Anonymous]

OP Not sure you are mommy tracked forever. Sounds like you could jump on the hamster wheel any time.

After running on the hamster wheel for awhile, I have an easier, more flexible job and it feels really weird. Like I'm not doing my career right. That said, I do need a break from the 60+ hours and travel so consider what you are doing right for now but I don't think this is a mommy track thing. More like a for now thing. Good luck.