If you mommy tracked - are you glad later on when kids are older?

[Anonymous]

I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

My spouse makes a ton more than me and has no health insurance or retirement. I’m government and I carry it for our family. It’s not an unusual situation.

As far as whether OP will regret her current path depends on what she wants for family life. Most people can’t have it all so you have to figure out what matters most to you. For me, with kids that age, I’m not sure I’d be ramping up. But I wanted my kids to have the options they could have given more flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

The latter. You guys already have more money than you can actually need, so keep the flexibility and sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

NP but with that much money you could afford to buy it or just pay cash. That’s a ton of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

The latter. You guys already have more money than you can actually need, so keep the flexibility and sanity.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

NP but with that much money you could afford to buy it or just pay cash. That’s a ton of money.

It’s a high income but it’s not that much money. Taxes takes half. Mortgage — I’m sure that’s a lot — plus unless they have all kids in public school, full pay private could easily be $120k+ a year. Two jobs means nanny, daycare, house cleaning, possibly yard stuff.

OP — only you know what you’ll regret. I like having flexibility to see kids after school and generally be around. Being the family bus is not super rewarding, so I suggest you don’t take that role unless you love it. Do put yourself in the equation because you’re the only one who will be resentful or feel like you missed out if you don’t. What is working for me personally is to get into a position that’s senior enough to show I am serious, then lay back a bit until all kids are in elementary. After that I plan to move up and keep going because when kids are out of the house I definitely don’t want to be picking a hobby out of a bag to amuse myself.

[Anonymous]

We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are same. I have taken my career progression slowly after kids (5 and 2). Make $200 which is 1/4 of DH but I carry the health insurance as he is self-employed

Op here - I would be super happy if I made $200K!

[Anonymous]

I also earn half of DH but have the health insurance for our family (no pension though). The insurance through my company is dramatically better than what we could get via DH’s job.

We are in a similar earning bracket to you, OP and I am OK being mommy tracked. I still work 40+ hrs/wk but not the 60 I would in a higher earning role (and that I worked before having kids).

There is diminishing marginal utility of money. Not that we have like “FU” cash by any means, but I also am not feeling the pinch of inflation in the same way as I know many Americans are. I would take quality time with my kids after school, or the mental health of less stress, over an extra $100k — and I realize that is an extremely, ridiculously privileged statement to make. But I think you are probably in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Kids are teens now and no regrets mommy tracking and being the default parent. But I like my kids and enjoy being with them and volunteering with their schools and activities and being part of carpools etc. My three kids are very sporty, and while I always had some after school help during elementary, with a DH who travels a lot, my kids could not have done as much extracurricular stuff as they have if I hadn’t maintained a flexible a job. On the whole, it’s been the right decision for my family.

[Anonymous]

I am in the opposite situation and am starting to regret it but can’t seem to find a happy medium. DH and I both work big 60+ hour a week jobs and I am starting to feel like I want and need to be there more for our kids. Even with a nanny scheduling for two kids who need to be in opposite places at the same time is tough, and my older one needs more homework guidance. But I am starting to hate getting home, scrambling to make dinner and spending very little time as a family.

Problem is I can’t seem to find any flexible jobs in my field that have significantly fewer hours and don’t pay total crap. I don’t want to take a pay cut unless it’s a meaningful quality of life boost but most of what I find is a huge pay cut for not that much less work or stress.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I started off similar. Actually I earned more when we were married. I mommy tracked myself and then went part time. Dh earns a seven figure income so we didn’t need my income at all. I decided to just stop working altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applied (and didn't get but got far in the process) for a director level job. I thought I was ready to ramp up my career after 12 years in the same place. However we have 3 kids (2, 5 and 7) and my DH works a very inflexible 60-80 hour job. My job is super flexible, I work from home 4 days a week and can pretty much get away with doing my job 6 hours a day. I make $100,000 and carry our health insurance and have a pension. DH makes around $400-500,000 depending on the year, with a much larger earning potential.

Will I regret not taking the bigger career later on? Or does it make more sense to have a mommy-track job so I can shuttle kids around and get to practices, parent teacher conferences, etc as they get older?

So you have an HHI of $500,000-,$600-000. You carry the health insurance and penDonsion but your DH who makes half a million a year has no health insurance or pension? This makes no sense unless he selling drugs.

You have no credibility.

Op here - what does that even mean? I have no credibility? I work and carry our families health insurance. I have a pension through my job. DH is a law firm partner. We do not get health insurance through his job.

NP but with that much money you could afford to buy it or just pay cash. That’s a ton of money.

It’s a high income but it’s not that much money. Taxes takes half. Mortgage — I’m sure that’s a lot — plus unless they have all kids in public school, full pay private could easily be $120k+ a year. Two jobs means nanny, daycare, house cleaning, possibly yard stuff.

OP — only you know what you’ll regret. I like having flexibility to see kids after school and generally be around. Being the family bus is not super rewarding, so I suggest you don’t take that role unless you love it. Do put yourself in the equation because you’re the only one who will be resentful or feel like you missed out if you don’t. What is working for me personally is to get into a position that’s senior enough to show I am serious, then lay back a bit until all kids are in elementary. After that I plan to move up and keep going because when kids are out of the house I definitely don’t want to be picking a hobby out of a bag to amuse myself.

This is also the approach I am taking. Agree that it’s highly personal and only you can know what you might regret. All approaches are valid, at the end of the day it’s what will leave you more personally fulfilled.