Kid birthday plans issue

[Anonymous]

And for anyone out there wondering, will getting divorced impact my kids for years to come? This string is exhibit A. Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And for anyone out there wondering, will getting divorced impact my kids for years to come? This string is exhibit A. Yes.

Yes. And what a super fun birthday. Your dad tries to deny your mom her Official Custody Agreement Time because he's petty, she makes a fuss because she wants to force you into spending time with her boyfriend and his kids, and it's awkward all around. Nobody cares what you actually want for your birthday, you acquiesce to avoid conflict and they interpret it as validation of what they want to make you do. Repeat this kind of thing 1000 times and you'll know what it's like to be an ACOD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Real talk: What kind of relationship is this if they only see each other a few times a year? What's the point of putting your sons into this situation? Are you planning to get married to this guy? Why do you care if your son spends time with these children?

Is it in your children's best interest to press this issue with your ex and make things awkward, or is it more about your best interest? Yes, it's your time apparently, and yes you've accepted a new partner on his end, but still, if it makes life complicated your children will notice and they won't be happy about it.

We are in an LDR. The kids were friends when they were younger before they moved away. They only see each other a few times a year either when they all come into town or we have gone on vacay once or twice with them. This is a committed relationship and 'serious' but no plans to marry because it is LDR and I do not want to be married right now. I would say this is quasi-family.

In my opinion (biased) ds will have more fun with bf doing our plans. And yes it is my interest because it furthers the relationship with all of us, but ds also benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Real talk: What kind of relationship is this if they only see each other a few times a year? What's the point of putting your sons into this situation? Are you planning to get married to this guy? Why do you care if your son spends time with these children?

Is it in your children's best interest to press this issue with your ex and make things awkward, or is it more about your best interest? Yes, it's your time apparently, and yes you've accepted a new partner on his end, but still, if it makes life complicated your children will notice and they won't be happy about it.

We are in an LDR. The kids were friends when they were younger before they moved away. They only see each other a few times a year either when they all come into town or we have gone on vacay once or twice with them. This is a committed relationship and 'serious' but no plans to marry because it is LDR and I do not want to be married right now. I would say this is quasi-family.

In my opinion (biased) ds will have more fun with bf doing our plans. And yes it is my interest because it furthers the relationship with all of us, but ds also benefits.

How exactly does your DS benefit? Does he really love your BF that much? Is it worth the tradeoff of awkwardness with his father?

I really think you are looking with your me-goggles on.

[Anonymous]

One parent gets lunch, the other parent gets dinner.

Since it is technically his day with the kids, you and your new bf take the bday boy out for a special fun lunch.

[Anonymous]

The issue isn't if you can see your son. The issue is including your boyfriend and his kids and what does your son want? I find it completely inappropriate you asked. You should see them on a different day and make this about your son, not you and your boyfriend. Or, take your son out to breakfast or lunch with your boyfriend and his kids but nice would be for you to focus on him, and not him in a large group or what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn't if you can see your son. The issue is including your boyfriend and his kids and what does your son want? I find it completely inappropriate you asked. You should see them on a different day and make this about your son, not you and your boyfriend. Or, take your son out to breakfast or lunch with your boyfriend and his kids but nice would be for you to focus on him, and not him in a large group or what he wants.

As I said before this is the only time we can all get together when they are in town. Otherwise I would compromise with exh and what he prefers.

I’m positive ds will have more fun doing our plans anyway more than a low key breakfast where we “focus” on him whatever that means.

In my view my ex-husband made this about my boyfriend. Not me. If I had said I wanted to take them to dinner just me he would have said fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One parent gets lunch, the other parent gets dinner.

Since it is technically his day with the kids, you and your new bf take the bday boy out for a special fun lunch.

He is not my new boyfriend. I’ve been with him longer than my ex-husband has been with his fiancé. My ds has plans for lunch already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn't if you can see your son. The issue is including your boyfriend and his kids and what does your son want? I find it completely inappropriate you asked. You should see them on a different day and make this about your son, not you and your boyfriend. Or, take your son out to breakfast or lunch with your boyfriend and his kids but nice would be for you to focus on him, and not him in a large group or what he wants.

As I said before this is the only time we can all get together when they are in town. Otherwise I would compromise with exh and what he prefers.

I’m positive ds will have more fun doing our plans anyway more than a low key breakfast where we “focus” on him whatever that means.

In my view my ex-husband made this about my boyfriend. Not me. If I had said I wanted to take them to dinner just me he would have said fine.

Why is this? Why can't BF and BK kids change THEIR plans to accommodate you and your son, who is having the birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Real talk: What kind of relationship is this if they only see each other a few times a year? What's the point of putting your sons into this situation? Are you planning to get married to this guy? Why do you care if your son spends time with these children?

Is it in your children's best interest to press this issue with your ex and make things awkward, or is it more about your best interest? Yes, it's your time apparently, and yes you've accepted a new partner on his end, but still, if it makes life complicated your children will notice and they won't be happy about it.

We are in an LDR. The kids were friends when they were younger before they moved away. They only see each other a few times a year either when they all come into town or we have gone on vacay once or twice with them. This is a committed relationship and 'serious' but no plans to marry because it is LDR and I do not want to be married right now. I would say this is quasi-family.

In my opinion (biased) ds will have more fun with bf doing our plans. And yes it is my interest because it furthers the relationship with all of us, but ds also benefits.

How exactly does your DS benefit? Does he really love your BF that much? Is it worth the tradeoff of awkwardness with his father?

I really think you are looking with your me-goggles on.

He benefits because its going to be fun! Arcade and music and running around doing fun things. For him it’s not about my bf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn't if you can see your son. The issue is including your boyfriend and his kids and what does your son want? I find it completely inappropriate you asked. You should see them on a different day and make this about your son, not you and your boyfriend. Or, take your son out to breakfast or lunch with your boyfriend and his kids but nice would be for you to focus on him, and not him in a large group or what he wants.

As I said before this is the only time we can all get together when they are in town. Otherwise I would compromise with exh and what he prefers.

I’m positive ds will have more fun doing our plans anyway more than a low key breakfast where we “focus” on him whatever that means.

In my view my ex-husband made this about my boyfriend. Not me. If I had said I wanted to take them to dinner just me he would have said fine.

Why is this? Why can't BF and BK kids change THEIR plans to accommodate you and your son, who is having the birthday.

Family commitments on their end and sports commitments on my ds end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Real talk: What kind of relationship is this if they only see each other a few times a year? What's the point of putting your sons into this situation? Are you planning to get married to this guy? Why do you care if your son spends time with these children?

Is it in your children's best interest to press this issue with your ex and make things awkward, or is it more about your best interest? Yes, it's your time apparently, and yes you've accepted a new partner on his end, but still, if it makes life complicated your children will notice and they won't be happy about it.

We are in an LDR. The kids were friends when they were younger before they moved away. They only see each other a few times a year either when they all come into town or we have gone on vacay once or twice with them. This is a committed relationship and 'serious' but no plans to marry because it is LDR and I do not want to be married right now. I would say this is quasi-family.

In my opinion (biased) ds will have more fun with bf doing our plans. And yes it is my interest because it furthers the relationship with all of us, but ds also benefits.

How exactly does your DS benefit? Does he really love your BF that much? Is it worth the tradeoff of awkwardness with his father?

I really think you are looking with your me-goggles on.

He benefits because its going to be fun! Arcade and music and running around doing fun things. For him it’s not about my bf.

So take him without the BF, problem solved. Equally as fun for your DS, you get your time, and no tension with your ex.

Is tension with your ex really the birthday memory you want your child to have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn't if you can see your son. The issue is including your boyfriend and his kids and what does your son want? I find it completely inappropriate you asked. You should see them on a different day and make this about your son, not you and your boyfriend. Or, take your son out to breakfast or lunch with your boyfriend and his kids but nice would be for you to focus on him, and not him in a large group or what he wants.

As I said before this is the only time we can all get together when they are in town. Otherwise I would compromise with exh and what he prefers.

I’m positive ds will have more fun doing our plans anyway more than a low key breakfast where we “focus” on him whatever that means.

In my view my ex-husband made this about my boyfriend. Not me. If I had said I wanted to take them to dinner just me he would have said fine.

Why is this? Why can't BF and BK kids change THEIR plans to accommodate you and your son, who is having the birthday.

Family commitments on their end and sports commitments on my ds end.

That is unfortunate then. I believe your son should make the choice, not you pulling the "2 hours" card. Good luck on threading the needle.
FWIW, I am 30 years out from my parents' divorce and have not spoken to my dad and his wife for 20, due to far too much of this type of drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Real talk: What kind of relationship is this if they only see each other a few times a year? What's the point of putting your sons into this situation? Are you planning to get married to this guy? Why do you care if your son spends time with these children?

Is it in your children's best interest to press this issue with your ex and make things awkward, or is it more about your best interest? Yes, it's your time apparently, and yes you've accepted a new partner on his end, but still, if it makes life complicated your children will notice and they won't be happy about it.

We are in an LDR. The kids were friends when they were younger before they moved away. They only see each other a few times a year either when they all come into town or we have gone on vacay once or twice with them. This is a committed relationship and 'serious' but no plans to marry because it is LDR and I do not want to be married right now. I would say this is quasi-family.

In my opinion (biased) ds will have more fun with bf doing our plans. And yes it is my interest because it furthers the relationship with all of us, but ds also benefits.

This is not a quasi family and your son needs time alone with you and not as a group with all these kids and extra people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn't if you can see your son. The issue is including your boyfriend and his kids and what does your son want? I find it completely inappropriate you asked. You should see them on a different day and make this about your son, not you and your boyfriend. Or, take your son out to breakfast or lunch with your boyfriend and his kids but nice would be for you to focus on him, and not him in a large group or what he wants.

As I said before this is the only time we can all get together when they are in town. Otherwise I would compromise with exh and what he prefers.

I’m positive ds will have more fun doing our plans anyway more than a low key breakfast where we “focus” on him whatever that means.

In my view my ex-husband made this about my boyfriend. Not me. If I had said I wanted to take them to dinner just me he would have said fine.

Why is this? Why can't BF and BK kids change THEIR plans to accommodate you and your son, who is having the birthday.

Family commitments on their end and sports commitments on my ds end.

That is unfortunate then. I believe your son should make the choice, not you pulling the "2 hours" card. Good luck on threading the needle.
FWIW, I am 30 years out from my parents' divorce and have not spoken to my dad and his wife for 20, due to far too much of this type of drama.

I'm 10 years out and my dad always puts his girlfriends first and my mom puts her boyfriend and his family first... I don't really see or talk to either of them and have no interst in playing family with my mom's boyfriend who is a bit weird and makes no effort with us and its all forced by my mom.