Friend repeatedly declines my invites to get together. Move on?

[Anonymous]

She's not interested in being closer friends - she wants to remain friendly acquaintances that meet for the limited group dinners you already attend with her.

[Anonymous]

I agree at this point you should just move on. Better for both of you.

But I also want to point out that sometimes people are just extremely bad at making and maintaining friendships. I used to have a friend who started turning me down for hangouts and not suggesting an alternative time, and also said "I'm just super busy right now -- I don't foresee getting together anytime soon." Which I took to mean "don't invite me anymore" which I didn't. Then a few months later she popped up and was like "why don't I hear from you anymore? we should hang out!" And then we did, and then I started inviting her out again and she'd turn me down again and eventually did the "I'm super busy" thing again. Ok fine. And AGAIN she popped up a few months later asking why I hadn't been reaching out. WTF? Maybe she has ADHD or something. It was like a boyfriend who kept breaking up with me and then showing up randomly when he was lonely. No thank you.

So it might not be you. It might be her.

[Anonymous]

I think you did the right thing leaving it in her court. Move on and try to get together with others. I have a friend who falls off the face of the earth and doesn't respond and then a month or 3 later is contacting me eager to get together. She never explains. I just figure that's how she is. If I am busy, overwhelmed or whatever, I let people know.I do make it clear when things are less busy I want to get together. However, for people I am just not that into, I don't leave the door open.

Just don't ask again. It may not be anything personal. There are people I can handle in groups that I would not do 1-1 with because they feel too comfortable gossiping and complaining. Other people I enjoy in a group and don't do 1-1 because we just don't gel enough or even i feel inferior and don't like feeling that way so I'd rather not try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 out of 10 times she declines and you feel the need to ask this? How can this even be a question?

I just wondered why she declines when it's just me. She comes out when we're in a group or - strangely - when it's me PLUS DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you talk too much? Are you gossipy? Involved in a MLM? Trying to engineer kid friendships via your mom friends?

So what if OP is like this. She wasn't trying to pinpoint why the other person doesn't accept her invites and she didn't insinuate she has no friends and is unable to make any friends.

OP, sometimes people just don't mesh. Maybe she finds you annoying or maybe she just doesen't mesh with you. Nobody is universally liked, no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I suspect she feels you are perfectly nice, but that the two of you don't have enough in common to spend time alone. She thinks you are fine but likes hanging out in settings with other people, because she doesn't feel a deeper connection with you.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't like you, you need to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you talk too much? Are you gossipy? Involved in a MLM? Trying to engineer kid friendships via your mom friends?

So what if OP is like this. She wasn't trying to pinpoint why the other person doesn't accept her invites and she didn't insinuate she has no friends and is unable to make any friends.

OP, sometimes people just don't mesh. Maybe she finds you annoying or maybe she just doesen't mesh with you. Nobody is universally liked, no big deal.

The OP just stated directly above you that she wonders why the friend declines when it’s just HER. Perhaps it’s time for some self-reflection. Or at least to ask herself why she is so fixated on getting this one person to hang out. 9 out of 10!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 out of 10 times she declines and you feel the need to ask this? How can this even be a question?

I just wondered why she declines when it's just me. She comes out when we're in a group or - strangely - when it's me PLUS DH.

I just wanted to add that DH is a great conversationalist but he tends to dominate conversations a bit so that's why I like to meet with people one on one.

[Anonymous]

Take the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 out of 10 times she declines and you feel the need to ask this? How can this even be a question?

I just wondered why she declines when it's just me. She comes out when we're in a group or - strangely - when it's me PLUS DH.

Social anxiety. It’s difficult to do 1:1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you talk too much? Are you gossipy? Involved in a MLM? Trying to engineer kid friendships via your mom friends?

So what if OP is like this. She wasn't trying to pinpoint why the other person doesn't accept her invites and she didn't insinuate she has no friends and is unable to make any friends.

OP, sometimes people just don't mesh. Maybe she finds you annoying or maybe she just doesen't mesh with you. Nobody is universally liked, no big deal.

The OP just stated directly above you that she wonders why the friend declines when it’s just HER. Perhaps it’s time for some self-reflection. Or at least to ask herself why she is so fixated on getting this one person to hang out. 9 out of 10!

Yes, she did and I saw that as soon as I posted it. But she did not state that in her OP, so that's what my comments were based on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 out of 10 times she declines and you feel the need to ask this? How can this even be a question?

I just wondered why she declines when it's just me. She comes out when we're in a group or - strangely - when it's me PLUS DH.

Social anxiety. It’s difficult to do 1:1.

This is a very valid reason. I have social anxiety and I'm fine one-on-one with my long-time friends but I get really anxious about new people. I'm better in a group environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 out of 10 times she declines and you feel the need to ask this? How can this even be a question?

I just wondered why she declines when it's just me. She comes out when we're in a group or - strangely - when it's me PLUS DH.

Social anxiety. It’s difficult to do 1:1.

My friend doesn't strike me as timid in front of people. She happily chats with people in a group setting. She's also in a choir so she sings with and in front of others. I don't think she suffers from social stage fright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 out of 10 times she declines and you feel the need to ask this? How can this even be a question?

I just wondered why she declines when it's just me. She comes out when we're in a group or - strangely - when it's me PLUS DH.

Social anxiety. It’s difficult to do 1:1.

My friend doesn't strike me as timid in front of people. She happily chats with people in a group setting. She's also in a choir so she sings with and in front of others. I don't think she suffers from social stage fright.

NP. Really just stop. Take the hint. REALLY.