Jealous SIL

[Anonymous]

It’s really rude if you talk to BIL and SIL about his ex-GF. He’s moved on and likely doesn’t want to hear about her. As for instagram, SIL has the option to unfollow. But you shouldn’t talk about the ex or things you do with the ex.

My MIL used to do this. She would talk with DHs exW and then call DH and tell him about her. MIL still travels with exW and they talk every Sunday. Neither of us care if MIL has a relationship with exW, but I thought it was rude to bring it up around me. And DH finally told MIL he didn’t want to hear about exW. He’s moved on and they have no connection now.

[Anonymous]

Gosh I can't imagine why she doesn't like you. You're a judgmental ass, so it's probably for the best.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way about my SIL that you do. She and I could not be more different. She is very irresponsible, drinks a lot and does a lot of drugs, barely works, and relies on her parents to pay her rent. I feel like the whole family hopes she marries her boyfriend and he takes care of her. We are cordial but not friends.

She is also friends with my husband's ex who was very hurtful to him and broke up with him and she posts pictures with her, but I don't really care about the ex, my husband has nothing to do with her. We are polite to each other but would never be friends in real life.

[Anonymous]

If SIL chooses to follow xGF and torture herself through those pictures, that's her problem. That would actually make her look bad for snooping and waisting time on stalking someone she doesn't even know.
It's a whole another story if OP is posting those same pictures. I'd be careful with that.

[Anonymous]

How does SIL even know that you’re close friends with the ex-gf from 15 years ago?

[Anonymous]

OP needs to grow up. She can be an adult and be mindful of how she comes across to SIL.

She dislikes SIL for being a SAH spouse and for not having travelled outside US, but in reality these two things does not make the SIL uninteresting. OTOH, OP comes across as a one dimensional uninteresting person who lacks basic EQ and tact to navigate family relationships.

OP's brother and SIL need to drop OP like a hot potato and also drop the social media.

[Anonymous]

It does not seem that SIL is not jealous. It seems SIL is calling out the bad behavior and judgement of OP to the brother.

OP seems to be a drama llama who likes when brother and SIL are having problems because she does not like the SIL.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is crazy, wtf would she follow your brothers exgf on social media? She is VERY insecure and tell your brother to kick rocks as long as you are talking about his exgf to his wife etc there is no reason you can’t be friends with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's nuts. You're not quite innocent yourself. Read your OP and tell me you don't drip of condescension toward her. You think she's beneath you.

I'm guessing your judgment of her comes through in your interactions. She's probably already insecure, in herself or her marriage. Knowing that you have a close bond with her H's previous girlfriend and contrast that with your attitude toward her, it feeds her insecurity.

What she's asking (and what your brother is asking) is unreasonable. You could do some introspection, though. How does she even know of your friendship with his ex? Do you flaunt it?

What would I do? I'd tell brother we're all adults and my friendship has no bearing on anyone else. I'd continue to be polite, but also kind, to her. I'd try to find some common area of interest. The rest of out of my control.

100% the bolded, but it's absolutely ridiculous that she even knows your friend is his ex girlfriend.

It's not ridiculous. Think about your husband's sister's best friend: wouldn't YOU know that they'd dated before? My SIL talks about her life, I hear stories of their travels and get togethers. It would be really weird for them to hide the fact that my husband and her bff were once an item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does SIL even know that you’re close friends with the ex-gf from 15 years ago?

Because OP is one of those people who must document every moment of her fabulous life on IG.

"Look at me, SIL! I see beautiful people and travel to many, many places outside the US instead of just going to my parents' lake house."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's nuts. You're not quite innocent yourself. Read your OP and tell me you don't drip of condescension toward her. You think she's beneath you.

I'm guessing your judgment of her comes through in your interactions. She's probably already insecure, in herself or her marriage. Knowing that you have a close bond with her H's previous girlfriend and contrast that with your attitude toward her, it feeds her insecurity.

What she's asking (and what your brother is asking) is unreasonable. You could do some introspection, though. How does she even know of your friendship with his ex? Do you flaunt it?

What would I do? I'd tell brother we're all adults and my friendship has no bearing on anyone else. I'd continue to be polite, but also kind, to her. I'd try to find some common area of interest. The rest of out of my control.

OP. Yes, I think we are different. We do not have any common interests. She only talks about kids and housekeeping. I can sustain these conversations for so long. Do you suggest I fake it? I don't think she is a mean person, or a dumb one. We don't have to be friends; I certainly don't want to push myself to be friends with someone I have almost nothing in common.

As far as my friendship with his ex, she sees pictures on Instagram. SIL actually follows exgf even though she never met her face to face.

Stop posting that on Instagram. You’re not a celebrity. No one cares where you go on vacation or with which friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever include the ex girlfriend in a get together in your home where your brother + SIL would also be there? If not, why does your brother or SIL know that you communicate with the ex girlfriend?

Instagram.

DP

[Anonymous]

Social media is designed to make people jealous and sad. If you want to create problems, keep posting your wonderful times with ex gf on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social media is designed to make people jealous and sad. If you want to create problems, keep posting your wonderful times with ex gf on social media.

NP. I disagree.

Instagram is just a way of advertising information. No more, no less. How people respond to the information is down to them.

Show 10 different people the same photo on Instagram and they will give you 10 different opinions. It has nothing to do with the photo or the poster of the photo. It has everything to do with how people respond to it. If an IG photo or message triggers a negative emotion in a person then this has to to do with THEM. Same as any other advertising. Nothing new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, the woman has never been outside of the US, not because of $$ issues but because she simply doesn't want to. Her ideal vacation is her parents' lake house. She also doesn't work and I am still not sure what she did before kids. I, on the other hand, am a working mom, I am still active in our community and I don't get tired easily My ideal vacation involves a lot of movement.

I can't even answer your question because the above statement stands out so strongly. Did you realize how condescending this sounds? I can't imagine how you are with her if this is how you talk about her with strangers. Yes them asking you to end the friendship seems a little over the top but you really need to examine your part is all of this. I have very little in common with my two SILs and we get along fine. Yes they have their quirks but I do too. You are painting yourself here as "good" and your SIL as "bad" and I can't help but wonder if that comes across in your interactions with your SIL. I also wonder if your friendship with the ex-gf has created some kind of triangle that you knowingly or unknowingly exploit or flaunt, which is why there is resentment.