Should we keep our kid at Big 3?

[Anonymous]

He's a kid. More than that, he's a boy. Just because he's not motivated now doesn't mean he won't be in high school. I can't imagine labeling a kid a slacker and pulling him out of school over a few Bs. Jesus. I feel sorry for him.

[Anonymous]

Don’t you think that he will become more of a slacker in an environment where there is more independence? I mean, what if you pull him out and he realizes that he can do even less and get by? What kind of education would he be getting then? At least if you stay, you know the expectations are high, the education is rigorous and he will be prepared for college.

[Anonymous]

I went to a big three and have a step kid at a well regarded local public.

I don’t even know where to start with this post.

First of all, do a better job limiting how much time your son is allowed to spend doing video games.

Second, As and Bs is a good record at a big three.

Third, you are crazy if you think a kid who is not very driven or motivated well do better at a local public than a private. Public school is good for smart kids who are driven, self motivated, and equipped with excellent executive function skills. My step kid is smart but doesn’t have a ton of drive or great excellent function skills. It is amazing how teachers just let kids like him slip through the cracks. Well, it’s not their fault really. They have too many students. But I predict what will happen if you send your kid to public is that he will slack off, not get as good as an education, and either fly under the radar and get As and Bs or get even worse grades.

Also, does he have friends at your local public?

Keep your kid in private if you can afford it. I guess you could switch to a less rigorous private if you want, but I would not MAKE him do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you think that he will become more of a slacker in an environment where there is more independence? I mean, what if you pull him out and he realizes that he can do even less and get by? What kind of education would he be getting then? At least if you stay, you know the expectations are high, the education is rigorous and he will be prepared for college.

I’m the big three with the step kid who posted above. I agree with this poster.

If you send your kid to public you will be tearing your hair on trying to figure out if he is turning in his assignments, etc.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps have this conversation with your child and see what they have to say.
Perhaps he will step up if he knows the alternative.
It also depends on what your public option is. Some are a lot better than others

[Anonymous]

OP- Consider why you are wanting to switch your child to public. If its because you think he will find more inspiration and greater variety of classes fine. But, if you think its because its an easier place for unmotivated kids well be careful.

Public school is about degrees of rigor so that it can serve all students. There will be students below grade level who are working hard to come up and others who are not. There will be grade level students who take all regulars or a mix of honors and regular classes who are working hard to stay on level/just above level and those who don’t work hard and still manage to get A’s. There will also be driven kids and high fliers who take very rigorous classes from all honors/AP/IB/College classes who will be ahead of grade level from day1 and work hard to stay there and even pull further ahead.

Be sure you have clear expectations about school and your child.

[Anonymous]

Really depends on your Public school. If it's a school that has a lot of extracurriculars and advance classes, I give it a try.

A lot of kids get tired of the sheltered environment and same people that Privates offer. A larger and more diverse environment may be appealing. Just have the conversation with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set limits on video games.

+1 Start doing your job, mom. Set limits on his gaming and help him find other activities - sports? Have him read a certain number of books this summer to earn treats.

If you don't start adding some structure to his life and give outlets other than gaming, it'll be too late by high school.

[Anonymous]

If your kid remains a slacker, public will be a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid remains a slacker, public will be a disaster.

But they won't pay $$$$$%

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the diversity of answers. I truly appreciate all of the different perspectives. I don’t think my son is a slacker, nor does he have an unlimited amount of gaming/screen time. Gaming is just what he seems most interested in these days, and I wish he would feel the passion for school, sports or some other type of extracurricular, but he just doesn’t. I do think part of the problem is that he probably isn’t challenged enough currently, and maybe he’ll step up to the plate once he’s in high school. I am intrigued by the more diverse choices of classes and clubs in public, but I don’t know if it would be too overwhelming for him after being in private. He used to be this highly interested learner and was always making cool inventions as a kid, and I feel like he’s lost that spark, which makes me sad. He knows exactly what he needs to do to coast by in his classes and he’s very bright so it’s easy for him to get away with doing very little. I do feel guilt sometimes that he’s taking the spot of a kid that’s more “deserving” but I hope we can reignite his passion for learning again. We have told him that he needs to be a more invested student or we may pull him out of this school, so we’ll see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the diversity of answers. I truly appreciate all of the different perspectives. I don’t think my son is a slacker, nor does he have an unlimited amount of gaming/screen time. Gaming is just what he seems most interested in these days, and I wish he would feel the passion for school, sports or some other type of extracurricular, but he just doesn’t. I do think part of the problem is that he probably isn’t challenged enough currently, and maybe he’ll step up to the plate once he’s in high school. I am intrigued by the more diverse choices of classes and clubs in public, but I don’t know if it would be too overwhelming for him after being in private. He used to be this highly interested learner and was always making cool inventions as a kid, and I feel like he’s lost that spark, which makes me sad. He knows exactly what he needs to do to coast by in his classes and he’s very bright so it’s easy for him to get away with doing very little. I do feel guilt sometimes that he’s taking the spot of a kid that’s more “deserving” but I hope we can reignite his passion for learning again. We have told him that he needs to be a more invested student or we may pull him out of this school, so we’ll see what happens.

Is he in 7 or 8th grade? My son was unmotivated and honestly pretty much a jerk at that age. It was a tough time, but things did change in high school. Just because he’s this way now doesn’t mean he will be 6 or 8 months ago. Keep him with his friends.

If it’s any consolation, I was also unmotivated in MS, but hit my stride in HS, college. And as a professional tend to have workaholic tendencies so be careful what you wish for! LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son is at a Big 3 school. He currently doesn't work very hard or study much, but manages to still get mostly As and a couple of Bs on his report card. We're worried that when he enters high school he will be in for a rude awakening and realize that he needs to buckle down and work a lot harder to get good grades. Right now he is totally unmotivated by school and more into video games. We're trying to decide if it even makes sense to keep him in private school and pay all this money for an education he doesn't seem to care much about. He's a smart kid so would probably do very well in public, and from what others have said on this board he might even have a chance of getting into a better college than if he sticks with private and is competing with much more accomplished kids. I think our son would be upset to leave his friends and the only school he's ever known, but we're frustrated by his apathy towards his education.

What would you do?

What grade is he in?

If this is GDS then switch schools. They won’t push him to work harder or do better in upper school either. Up to the kid or parents to provide that motivation or incentive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the diversity of answers. I truly appreciate all of the different perspectives. I don’t think my son is a slacker, nor does he have an unlimited amount of gaming/screen time. Gaming is just what he seems most interested in these days, and I wish he would feel the passion for school, sports or some other type of extracurricular, but he just doesn’t. I do think part of the problem is that he probably isn’t challenged enough currently, and maybe he’ll step up to the plate once he’s in high school. I am intrigued by the more diverse choices of classes and clubs in public, but I don’t know if it would be too overwhelming for him after being in private. He used to be this highly interested learner and was always making cool inventions as a kid, and I feel like he’s lost that spark, which makes me sad. He knows exactly what he needs to do to coast by in his classes and he’s very bright so it’s easy for him to get away with doing very little. I do feel guilt sometimes that he’s taking the spot of a kid that’s more “deserving” but I hope we can reignite his passion for learning again. We have told him that he needs to be a more invested student or we may pull him out of this school, so we’ll see what happens.

That’s too bad to hear. At least a couple private school teachers should have paid him enough attention by now to nurture his strengths or build up confidence in some things. Guess the class sizes got big and too many students blitzing in and out per hour to do that. Draw things out of a student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you think that he will become more of a slacker in an environment where there is more independence? I mean, what if you pull him out and he realizes that he can do even less and get by? What kind of education would he be getting then? At least if you stay, you know the expectations are high, the education is rigorous and he will be prepared for college.

Agree with the above.

Op needs to figure out his/her priorities.

Is it for the child to learn as much as possible? Not this school or path.

Is it for the child to graduate from a “Big 3” no matter what? Sure, carry on.

Is it to keep the child happy and social and not pressured? Carry on.

Is it for the child to be exposed to a wide breadth of subject matter and potential interests so child can pick a major and college and life? Doesn’t sound like this school does that.